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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 90251" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Katherine, you can make it easier on yourself by just typing one reply to everyone. Most of us are making similar suggestions to you, or if we're not we're often in agreement with what others have said (if not, we tend to say so!) so if you want to specifically address something someone said, just refer to them by name in that sentence. If you want to reply privately, send a PM (private message). But you don't need to do a separate post to each of us. We all read everything anyway, it's only making work for you. And you already have a lot on your plate (I know - you are living my life too).</p><p></p><p>You were fairly clear about the diagnoses of your other kids - that's why I felt it needed to be said, to consider the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) connection where Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) has not actually been diagnosed (as in husband, as well). Not that changing the label NOW for husband makes a lot of difference, but my husband is fairly sure he can see Aspie signs in him. From stories his mother tells, I can see the Aspie connection. But I can also see it in my side of the family - even in me, at least a little. And in various nieces, nephews and THEIR kids. Not all of them, just a trace here and there. A couple of adopted ones with Asperger's or more...</p><p></p><p>Katherine, we've made a lot of mistakes but finally seem to be getting things right. it's still no picnic, but after years of thinking we would be permanent parents into our twilight years, I'm seeing wonderful things in my boys. There is a lot you can do - sounds like you're already doing a fair bit of it - and it is hard work, but there are amazing rewards.</p><p></p><p>Are you in a position to consider home schooling? A lot of people argue heavily against it when you're dealing with kids with social skills problems, but we've found it has made a big improvement in difficult child 3's social skills. People forget, that at school in a full-on environment, autistic/Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids are not at any advantage for learning social skills; in fact, they are at a number of big disadvantages. School classrooms and playgrounds are not a natural environment - when, ever in their life after the finish school, will they ever be expected to sit in a room of people within 12 months of the same age, all working on the same stuff, with ONE senior person in supervision and authority over them?</p><p>Kids in general pick up social skills by osmosis. It's the way people learn, by experience and example. But Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids do not learn social skills that way, they need a lot more help in this area; modelling, rehearsal, reinforcement, reward. It just doesn't happen in the rough and tumble. And with home-schooling, we are NOT stuck at home. If I go shopping, difficult child 3 comes with me. There he interacts with a wide range of people spanning a wide range of ages and social types. He's outgoing and happy to talk, but difficult child 1 was not. However, difficult child 1 also shopped with me, helped me load and unload the trolley and began to talk to shopkeepers who got to know him. </p><p>With time, I've been able to let difficult child 3 go off on his own shopping search. While I'm buying vegetables, difficult child 3 is downstairs pricing out computer games. He comparison-shops, sorts out the best deal, he's even organised price-matching between stores - something I never thought he'd be able to do. He has a mobile phone with him so we can call each other.</p><p></p><p>I used to get constantly disrupted by phone calls from the school. I'd have finally got difficult child 3 back to class after he'd been home ill for a week (or longer). I'd have arranged that if he got sick he was to be given his work sheets and allowed to go to the sick room. I'd be on my way to keep one of MY appointments and I'd get a call to come fetch him, he was vomiting and had a fever. We finally learned that the vomiting AND fever were stress-related - he was THAT stressed! It got so if I had an appointment with my doctor, I'd keep difficult child 3 home from school so I wouldn't have to cancel my appointment.</p><p></p><p>Now he's portable. We go on holidays. We take a couple of days off and go interstate or visit family. He brings his schoolwork with him.</p><p></p><p>We have access to a system that makes my life easier - Distance Education. It's basically correspondence. State-sponsored in our case, but I believe there could be something similar available in the US? Before he was in Distance Ed, when I was still trying to keep him in mainstream but he was always sick, I kept running out of work assigned by the school and bought a lot of resources for him, mostly on the computer. Some educational games taught him more in two months than he had learnt in five years of schooling.</p><p></p><p>A friend of mine has recently switched her boys to home schooling. They are easy child kids, they were not being bullied (to her eyes - I saw more, and it was mostly teachers) but she wanted flexibility for her boys to develop at their own rate, and to also work more intensively on their weaker areas. I gave her a lot of resources difficult child 3 had outgrown, plus others we'd been given and gone through already. The flexibility is great - if it's a sunny day and difficult child 3 has earned a break (in my eyes) I call her up and say, "Want a lesson at the beach?" and we meet down there. The kids play in the sand, digging channels, making sandcastles and trickling water. This way they learn about particle packing, about erosion, about building and design, about gravity. Or we explore the rock pools - I have a science degree so I teach them about the creatures in the rock pools and why they live at different heights above the tide level. We look at the splash zone and see the different creatures there. We examine the shells on the beach for the discarded 'housing' and see the chemical changes wrought by pure sunlight, as purple shell pigment is changes by the sun into orange - carotenoids are modified easily by light energy as well as heat. The kids make necklaces or pendants with shells - creative art. Or maybe a collage, or some other artwork. They might sell their artwork - commerce. Or they might collect bait and go fishing - home economics. All from a visit to the beach.</p><p></p><p>This suits difficult child 3 because he learns holistically - he does best when he gets the whole lot presented in one big lump that HE can then take apart and look at in bits, as HE is ready to. He then puts it together again and is at last able to extrapolate and connect outside the area we've presented. That's how he learned his Geography - playing "Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?" And from playing the game, at last he was able to understand news stories he saw on TV and is now following at least SOME current affairs stories.</p><p></p><p>You give them what they can handle, in a way they can handle it. And what they can handle can horrify you when it's so restricted in some areas, but delight you and amaze you in others.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 has just taken nearly two weeks to do a worksheet he should have been able to do in half a day. Meanwhile everything else has been neglected. BUt he is also capable of watching and absorbing senior high school physics and chemistry. Biochemistry. It's a TV show for high school students, he watches it in his breaks.</p><p></p><p>And no homework - because it's ALL homework. Where before he would be struggling at home after school to do all the work he hadn't done during the day (sue to too many distractions), now he's ready and waiting when his friends get home from school. His friends are all years younger than him, but they know him and understand him.</p><p>Not all neighbourhood kids are his friends, but he has three or four houses nearby where he is always welcome, if they are home. I can even keep him working on schoolwork for another half hour after school hours finish, because he has to give his friends time to get home from school, get changed and get THEIR homework done. Sometimes he helps them with their homework - it's lovely.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 is 13. To those who don't understand, we describe him as an "8 year old genius". We estimate that's where he is socially (although it's not fully the picture) but in some areas academically, he's utterly amazing. Yet when he began school, he could barely follow simple instructions and his language was at a two year old level. He wasn't fully toilet trained. But he could hack into the classroom computer or anything else electronic.</p><p></p><p>Katherine, they are hard work. Get "Explosive Child" because I think it will help you a lot. And try to find ways to just love your kids and enjoy them. The more you can do that, the better you will all get on with each other and the easier it will be for you to lead them. It seems to be a step back behaviourally, but it's not. It's about ten leaps forward, if it works for you. These kids have an inbuilt need for control and you can't fight it. You need to learn to steer it instead.</p><p></p><p>Keep us posted. And enjoy that bath!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 90251, member: 1991"] Katherine, you can make it easier on yourself by just typing one reply to everyone. Most of us are making similar suggestions to you, or if we're not we're often in agreement with what others have said (if not, we tend to say so!) so if you want to specifically address something someone said, just refer to them by name in that sentence. If you want to reply privately, send a PM (private message). But you don't need to do a separate post to each of us. We all read everything anyway, it's only making work for you. And you already have a lot on your plate (I know - you are living my life too). You were fairly clear about the diagnoses of your other kids - that's why I felt it needed to be said, to consider the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) connection where Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) has not actually been diagnosed (as in husband, as well). Not that changing the label NOW for husband makes a lot of difference, but my husband is fairly sure he can see Aspie signs in him. From stories his mother tells, I can see the Aspie connection. But I can also see it in my side of the family - even in me, at least a little. And in various nieces, nephews and THEIR kids. Not all of them, just a trace here and there. A couple of adopted ones with Asperger's or more... Katherine, we've made a lot of mistakes but finally seem to be getting things right. it's still no picnic, but after years of thinking we would be permanent parents into our twilight years, I'm seeing wonderful things in my boys. There is a lot you can do - sounds like you're already doing a fair bit of it - and it is hard work, but there are amazing rewards. Are you in a position to consider home schooling? A lot of people argue heavily against it when you're dealing with kids with social skills problems, but we've found it has made a big improvement in difficult child 3's social skills. People forget, that at school in a full-on environment, autistic/Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids are not at any advantage for learning social skills; in fact, they are at a number of big disadvantages. School classrooms and playgrounds are not a natural environment - when, ever in their life after the finish school, will they ever be expected to sit in a room of people within 12 months of the same age, all working on the same stuff, with ONE senior person in supervision and authority over them? Kids in general pick up social skills by osmosis. It's the way people learn, by experience and example. But Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids do not learn social skills that way, they need a lot more help in this area; modelling, rehearsal, reinforcement, reward. It just doesn't happen in the rough and tumble. And with home-schooling, we are NOT stuck at home. If I go shopping, difficult child 3 comes with me. There he interacts with a wide range of people spanning a wide range of ages and social types. He's outgoing and happy to talk, but difficult child 1 was not. However, difficult child 1 also shopped with me, helped me load and unload the trolley and began to talk to shopkeepers who got to know him. With time, I've been able to let difficult child 3 go off on his own shopping search. While I'm buying vegetables, difficult child 3 is downstairs pricing out computer games. He comparison-shops, sorts out the best deal, he's even organised price-matching between stores - something I never thought he'd be able to do. He has a mobile phone with him so we can call each other. I used to get constantly disrupted by phone calls from the school. I'd have finally got difficult child 3 back to class after he'd been home ill for a week (or longer). I'd have arranged that if he got sick he was to be given his work sheets and allowed to go to the sick room. I'd be on my way to keep one of MY appointments and I'd get a call to come fetch him, he was vomiting and had a fever. We finally learned that the vomiting AND fever were stress-related - he was THAT stressed! It got so if I had an appointment with my doctor, I'd keep difficult child 3 home from school so I wouldn't have to cancel my appointment. Now he's portable. We go on holidays. We take a couple of days off and go interstate or visit family. He brings his schoolwork with him. We have access to a system that makes my life easier - Distance Education. It's basically correspondence. State-sponsored in our case, but I believe there could be something similar available in the US? Before he was in Distance Ed, when I was still trying to keep him in mainstream but he was always sick, I kept running out of work assigned by the school and bought a lot of resources for him, mostly on the computer. Some educational games taught him more in two months than he had learnt in five years of schooling. A friend of mine has recently switched her boys to home schooling. They are easy child kids, they were not being bullied (to her eyes - I saw more, and it was mostly teachers) but she wanted flexibility for her boys to develop at their own rate, and to also work more intensively on their weaker areas. I gave her a lot of resources difficult child 3 had outgrown, plus others we'd been given and gone through already. The flexibility is great - if it's a sunny day and difficult child 3 has earned a break (in my eyes) I call her up and say, "Want a lesson at the beach?" and we meet down there. The kids play in the sand, digging channels, making sandcastles and trickling water. This way they learn about particle packing, about erosion, about building and design, about gravity. Or we explore the rock pools - I have a science degree so I teach them about the creatures in the rock pools and why they live at different heights above the tide level. We look at the splash zone and see the different creatures there. We examine the shells on the beach for the discarded 'housing' and see the chemical changes wrought by pure sunlight, as purple shell pigment is changes by the sun into orange - carotenoids are modified easily by light energy as well as heat. The kids make necklaces or pendants with shells - creative art. Or maybe a collage, or some other artwork. They might sell their artwork - commerce. Or they might collect bait and go fishing - home economics. All from a visit to the beach. This suits difficult child 3 because he learns holistically - he does best when he gets the whole lot presented in one big lump that HE can then take apart and look at in bits, as HE is ready to. He then puts it together again and is at last able to extrapolate and connect outside the area we've presented. That's how he learned his Geography - playing "Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?" And from playing the game, at last he was able to understand news stories he saw on TV and is now following at least SOME current affairs stories. You give them what they can handle, in a way they can handle it. And what they can handle can horrify you when it's so restricted in some areas, but delight you and amaze you in others. difficult child 3 has just taken nearly two weeks to do a worksheet he should have been able to do in half a day. Meanwhile everything else has been neglected. BUt he is also capable of watching and absorbing senior high school physics and chemistry. Biochemistry. It's a TV show for high school students, he watches it in his breaks. And no homework - because it's ALL homework. Where before he would be struggling at home after school to do all the work he hadn't done during the day (sue to too many distractions), now he's ready and waiting when his friends get home from school. His friends are all years younger than him, but they know him and understand him. Not all neighbourhood kids are his friends, but he has three or four houses nearby where he is always welcome, if they are home. I can even keep him working on schoolwork for another half hour after school hours finish, because he has to give his friends time to get home from school, get changed and get THEIR homework done. Sometimes he helps them with their homework - it's lovely. difficult child 3 is 13. To those who don't understand, we describe him as an "8 year old genius". We estimate that's where he is socially (although it's not fully the picture) but in some areas academically, he's utterly amazing. Yet when he began school, he could barely follow simple instructions and his language was at a two year old level. He wasn't fully toilet trained. But he could hack into the classroom computer or anything else electronic. Katherine, they are hard work. Get "Explosive Child" because I think it will help you a lot. And try to find ways to just love your kids and enjoy them. The more you can do that, the better you will all get on with each other and the easier it will be for you to lead them. It seems to be a step back behaviourally, but it's not. It's about ten leaps forward, if it works for you. These kids have an inbuilt need for control and you can't fight it. You need to learn to steer it instead. Keep us posted. And enjoy that bath! Marg [/QUOTE]
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