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New here -- pardon my pitiful cry for help
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 529073" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Hi and Welcome - you truly have found a group of people who 'get' what you are living through and will NOT just assume it is bc you are parenting him wrong somehow. </p><p></p><p>I honestly and truly feel you are dealing iwth some type of Asperger's or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. The good thing about this is that it is a HOPEFUL diagnosis. There are a LOT of things that can be done to help him. My son was diagnosis'd with Asperger's at age 7. At age 14 my son had to leave our house and go live with my parents because he was beating me in an attempt to get through me to beat/kill my daughter. He had already spent time in phosps due to the extreme violence he treated my daughter and I with. not my husband, not even much my younger son, most of the violence was aimed at females.</p><p></p><p>So given that, WHY do I say it is hopeful??? My difficult child is now 20 and is a college sophomore with straight A's, has had a job for 4 yrs, is a really sweet kid, and shows every sign of having a great future and is a wonderful young man who is not violent at all! It took a LONG time and a LOT of hard work from ALL of us, but there are a LOT of positive things in an Asperger's or autistic spectrum diagnosis.</p><p></p><p>I really want to encourage you to try to look at your attitude toward your difficult child. NOT that he isn't annoying, difficult, frustrating, and hard to live with. But he is NOT choosing to do this stuff or doing it for the heck of it. Kids do well <strong>when they are able, not when they want to.</strong> It may seem like semantics, but I really don't think your son has any clue what you are talking about hwen you say that HE has to do these things (golden rule, etc..) first or also. If he has Asperger's or an autistic spectrum disorder, then he honestly does NOT understand the social rules and he will NEVER pick them up without direct teaching and more repetition than you will thing anyone can stand. He just CANNOT learn them unless they are specifically spelled out over and over.</p><p></p><p>I am willing to be he has HUGE sensory issues. Do you think he maybe has perfect pitch, or at least hears in perfect pitch? Sensory issues happen when the brain does not handle sensory input the way a typical brain does. Someone with sensory issues will either seek out or avoid various types of sensory input. The wrong sensations will seem like insurmountable obstacles to him and he will FREAK over them. He will seek some sensations, either types of motion, smells, sounds, textures, tastes, etc..... It may seem like he is making mountains out of molehills to you. I can PROMISE that they are honest-to-goodness mountains to him. I have lots of sensory problems and they truly impair me. If my clothing itches I just don't function on ANY level. I cannot think, cannot hold a conversation, totally melt down, and NOTHING can get my brain to function until the itching stops. I would rather be punched in the face than have to wear anything that itched. </p><p></p><p>I think sounds are a sensory issue for your son. If, as I suspect, he at least hears in perfect pitch, then hearing someone sing off key or out of tune is actually PAINFUL to him. Wiz ended up in HUGE trouble at school in first grade because he REFUSED to sing when they had music class. He often left the room to go cry in the boy's room or to find me at school and BEG not to go to class. He has a wonderful voice, but being in a room with people who sang off key or out of tune actually HURT him. He would come home with a migraine and be vomiting for 2 or more days if I allowed the teacher to insist he stay in music class. Even in first grade it was that bad. </p><p></p><p>So how to get help for your son?</p><p></p><p>Your son needs complete evaluation and the therapist you are seeing is a great place to start. The local school system is also mandaated to identify kids with problems and they can do some testing for you. I will warn you that often the school evaluations are not as accurate, complete or sensitive as private evaluations, regardless of the type of evaluation. Some evaluations are as good at school, but it is widely variable. In addition to the evaluation for Asperger's/Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, and other things, your son also needs an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation for sensory and motor issues. Occupational Therapist (OT) is occupational therapy and the Occupational Therapist will evaluate him for sensory integration disorder and various coordination disorders. Thent he Occupational Therapist (OT) will help set up the therapy that iwll help these things. Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) (sensory integration disorder) has some AMAZING therapies. Brushing therapy is a non-medication based therapy for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) that is PROVEN to actually create new pathways for the brain to handle sensory input. Think about htat. A way to change how the brain works that does NOT involve medications - isn't that AWESOME???!!!!??!!! A surgical scrub brush (very soft) is used on the body, on skin or over clothing, in a certain order, and combined iwth gentle joint compressions and it changes those sensory issues - the things like my itching that I just cannot cope with! You have to be taught to do it by and Occupational Therapist (OT) or you can cause serious medical problems, but it is simple therapy and one round of the brushing therapy takes under 5 min and most kids LIKE it. Not all, of course, but the ones I have seen all like it. </p><p></p><p>There are some books that will truly help you and your son. the first, one we recommend to everyone, is The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It is wonderful. the parenting methods in it may seem totally counter-intuitive, but it WORKS. I also recommend anything by Tony Attwood - he is the best on Aspergers. What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You by Doug Riley is a must read because you cannot stop the explosions unless you know WHY they happen. The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child has Fun by Kranowitz are about sensory integration disorder. The first one explains the problem and how to help including providing the sensory diet that will help your child. The second book, the Has Fun one, is packed iwth FUN activities that provide the sensory input that your child needs. It has ways to make each activity less expensive, and it truly is FUN. I am now on my third copy of this book because we have worn out the first 2 copies. I have even given this as a birthday present to moms that I know because I have yet to find anyone, adult or child, who did not truly enjoy the activities. How awesome it is to have a book full of FUN that is also therapeutic and helps your chld learn to cope??? By fun I mean fun for the whole family or even for an entire class of kids!!!</p><p></p><p>My signature has a link in it. That link will take you to the most powerful tool a Warrior Parent can have other than our love for our kids. this tool is a Parent Report - a report that YOU creat about your child. Moms here before me created this outline that keeps ALL the info about your child in one place, in a binder that you can take to EVERY appointment and/or meeting for/about your chld to keep it all organized and at hand. You cannot get the help your child needs unless you keep organized and can clearly communicate iwth the docs/therapists/teachers/etc... Click the link, read the thread about the Parent Report, and then as you are ready, create one about your child. I even have them for my PCs, my husband and myself. I take them to dr appts and teacher conferences and all that type of thing. That way I have records of what we have done and how it worked out. </p><p></p><p>I hope that you stick around. We have a lot of info, and we are happy to share it with you! Welcome to teh Board!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 529073, member: 1233"] Hi and Welcome - you truly have found a group of people who 'get' what you are living through and will NOT just assume it is bc you are parenting him wrong somehow. I honestly and truly feel you are dealing iwth some type of Asperger's or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. The good thing about this is that it is a HOPEFUL diagnosis. There are a LOT of things that can be done to help him. My son was diagnosis'd with Asperger's at age 7. At age 14 my son had to leave our house and go live with my parents because he was beating me in an attempt to get through me to beat/kill my daughter. He had already spent time in phosps due to the extreme violence he treated my daughter and I with. not my husband, not even much my younger son, most of the violence was aimed at females. So given that, WHY do I say it is hopeful??? My difficult child is now 20 and is a college sophomore with straight A's, has had a job for 4 yrs, is a really sweet kid, and shows every sign of having a great future and is a wonderful young man who is not violent at all! It took a LONG time and a LOT of hard work from ALL of us, but there are a LOT of positive things in an Asperger's or autistic spectrum diagnosis. I really want to encourage you to try to look at your attitude toward your difficult child. NOT that he isn't annoying, difficult, frustrating, and hard to live with. But he is NOT choosing to do this stuff or doing it for the heck of it. Kids do well [B]when they are able, not when they want to.[/B] It may seem like semantics, but I really don't think your son has any clue what you are talking about hwen you say that HE has to do these things (golden rule, etc..) first or also. If he has Asperger's or an autistic spectrum disorder, then he honestly does NOT understand the social rules and he will NEVER pick them up without direct teaching and more repetition than you will thing anyone can stand. He just CANNOT learn them unless they are specifically spelled out over and over. I am willing to be he has HUGE sensory issues. Do you think he maybe has perfect pitch, or at least hears in perfect pitch? Sensory issues happen when the brain does not handle sensory input the way a typical brain does. Someone with sensory issues will either seek out or avoid various types of sensory input. The wrong sensations will seem like insurmountable obstacles to him and he will FREAK over them. He will seek some sensations, either types of motion, smells, sounds, textures, tastes, etc..... It may seem like he is making mountains out of molehills to you. I can PROMISE that they are honest-to-goodness mountains to him. I have lots of sensory problems and they truly impair me. If my clothing itches I just don't function on ANY level. I cannot think, cannot hold a conversation, totally melt down, and NOTHING can get my brain to function until the itching stops. I would rather be punched in the face than have to wear anything that itched. I think sounds are a sensory issue for your son. If, as I suspect, he at least hears in perfect pitch, then hearing someone sing off key or out of tune is actually PAINFUL to him. Wiz ended up in HUGE trouble at school in first grade because he REFUSED to sing when they had music class. He often left the room to go cry in the boy's room or to find me at school and BEG not to go to class. He has a wonderful voice, but being in a room with people who sang off key or out of tune actually HURT him. He would come home with a migraine and be vomiting for 2 or more days if I allowed the teacher to insist he stay in music class. Even in first grade it was that bad. So how to get help for your son? Your son needs complete evaluation and the therapist you are seeing is a great place to start. The local school system is also mandaated to identify kids with problems and they can do some testing for you. I will warn you that often the school evaluations are not as accurate, complete or sensitive as private evaluations, regardless of the type of evaluation. Some evaluations are as good at school, but it is widely variable. In addition to the evaluation for Asperger's/Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, and other things, your son also needs an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation for sensory and motor issues. Occupational Therapist (OT) is occupational therapy and the Occupational Therapist will evaluate him for sensory integration disorder and various coordination disorders. Thent he Occupational Therapist (OT) will help set up the therapy that iwll help these things. Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) (sensory integration disorder) has some AMAZING therapies. Brushing therapy is a non-medication based therapy for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) that is PROVEN to actually create new pathways for the brain to handle sensory input. Think about htat. A way to change how the brain works that does NOT involve medications - isn't that AWESOME???!!!!??!!! A surgical scrub brush (very soft) is used on the body, on skin or over clothing, in a certain order, and combined iwth gentle joint compressions and it changes those sensory issues - the things like my itching that I just cannot cope with! You have to be taught to do it by and Occupational Therapist (OT) or you can cause serious medical problems, but it is simple therapy and one round of the brushing therapy takes under 5 min and most kids LIKE it. Not all, of course, but the ones I have seen all like it. There are some books that will truly help you and your son. the first, one we recommend to everyone, is The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It is wonderful. the parenting methods in it may seem totally counter-intuitive, but it WORKS. I also recommend anything by Tony Attwood - he is the best on Aspergers. What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You by Doug Riley is a must read because you cannot stop the explosions unless you know WHY they happen. The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child has Fun by Kranowitz are about sensory integration disorder. The first one explains the problem and how to help including providing the sensory diet that will help your child. The second book, the Has Fun one, is packed iwth FUN activities that provide the sensory input that your child needs. It has ways to make each activity less expensive, and it truly is FUN. I am now on my third copy of this book because we have worn out the first 2 copies. I have even given this as a birthday present to moms that I know because I have yet to find anyone, adult or child, who did not truly enjoy the activities. How awesome it is to have a book full of FUN that is also therapeutic and helps your chld learn to cope??? By fun I mean fun for the whole family or even for an entire class of kids!!! My signature has a link in it. That link will take you to the most powerful tool a Warrior Parent can have other than our love for our kids. this tool is a Parent Report - a report that YOU creat about your child. Moms here before me created this outline that keeps ALL the info about your child in one place, in a binder that you can take to EVERY appointment and/or meeting for/about your chld to keep it all organized and at hand. You cannot get the help your child needs unless you keep organized and can clearly communicate iwth the docs/therapists/teachers/etc... Click the link, read the thread about the Parent Report, and then as you are ready, create one about your child. I even have them for my PCs, my husband and myself. I take them to dr appts and teacher conferences and all that type of thing. That way I have records of what we have done and how it worked out. I hope that you stick around. We have a lot of info, and we are happy to share it with you! Welcome to teh Board! [/QUOTE]
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