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General Parenting
new here; problem similar to Daralex's
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<blockquote data-quote="nkf1122" data-source="post: 271350" data-attributes="member: 7364"><p>First, let me say "thank you" for all your responses, and for your hugs and good wishes. It's greatly appreciated.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if I'll answer everything as it doesn't keep your posts visible while I'm responding.</p><p></p><p>The ex and I have kept a pretty tight rein on our younger son all his life, mostly because it was easier (for us) to deny him going places than to drive all over town for "play dates" with kids we didn't even know, and also be worried about how our son would behave. We got one call from a parent who said our son had tried to get their son to show his privates while our son was over there. Our son acted like he had done nothing wrong, and couldn't understand it when that child didn't want to be friends anymore.</p><p></p><p>Due to some of his clinical as well as his behavior issues, we haven't allowed him to start driving yet. Because he doesn't [yet] have a job, and doesn't drive, he has never been allowed to have his own cell phone yet either. Just more of our parental control being exercised (so I tell myself).</p><p></p><p>I spoke with the ex tonight and he's finally talked to our son about this new issue (opening a Tagged profile, finding other gay young men on there, and requesting pictures from them, and trading some of himself with at least one of them). We've deleted the profile and forbade him from opening another. He had to return his email password to the original one so that I can continue to monitor his account. I also told the ex to remove the wireless card from the boy's laptop and only let him have it when he (the father) can directly supervise his internet use. </p><p></p><p>His father DOES care and IS interested in stopping this. Our son sent a final email to 2 of those boys on Tagged informing them not to contact him again as his dad is a cop and will have them arrested if they do. I don't know how this will all play out in the long run, but I know my son is angry. He's not embarrassed or anything about being caught....he's mad that we're taking stuff away from him - again.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Switching gears.... except for him asking another boy years ago to see his privates, I cannot recall anything my son has done to make me think for a moment that he was/is gay. We actually had questions of that nature regarding our older son (who has no clinical issues, and denies being gay after his father point-blank asked him). At one time, my younger son (difficult child) had a girlfriend (and she worried us a lot!) - they talked about having sex and getting married... my biggest fear was that he'd end up getting some girl pregnant while still in high school.</p><p></p><p>Up until we found out about him seeing gay porn on the internet, we never really had any thoughts about him being truly gay. If he is, I am very prepared to accept that...I would not turn my back on him for something so simple. But he just doesn't have a clue about how to establish proper relationships long before trying to go straight to the sex part. THAT is what worries me. At least we've addressed the internet issue, for now.</p><p></p><p>He will be seeing his therapist on Monday and his father will let her know about all this so that, for the next several visits, they work on helping our son through this, whatever the outcome. I just want him to be SURE of what/who he is and not venture down a path simply for curiosity's sake when it's not the safest path available to him.</p><p></p><p>Again, I appreciate everyone's remarks. I look forward to hearing more.</p><p></p><p>Thank you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nkf1122, post: 271350, member: 7364"] First, let me say "thank you" for all your responses, and for your hugs and good wishes. It's greatly appreciated. I don't know if I'll answer everything as it doesn't keep your posts visible while I'm responding. The ex and I have kept a pretty tight rein on our younger son all his life, mostly because it was easier (for us) to deny him going places than to drive all over town for "play dates" with kids we didn't even know, and also be worried about how our son would behave. We got one call from a parent who said our son had tried to get their son to show his privates while our son was over there. Our son acted like he had done nothing wrong, and couldn't understand it when that child didn't want to be friends anymore. Due to some of his clinical as well as his behavior issues, we haven't allowed him to start driving yet. Because he doesn't [yet] have a job, and doesn't drive, he has never been allowed to have his own cell phone yet either. Just more of our parental control being exercised (so I tell myself). I spoke with the ex tonight and he's finally talked to our son about this new issue (opening a Tagged profile, finding other gay young men on there, and requesting pictures from them, and trading some of himself with at least one of them). We've deleted the profile and forbade him from opening another. He had to return his email password to the original one so that I can continue to monitor his account. I also told the ex to remove the wireless card from the boy's laptop and only let him have it when he (the father) can directly supervise his internet use. His father DOES care and IS interested in stopping this. Our son sent a final email to 2 of those boys on Tagged informing them not to contact him again as his dad is a cop and will have them arrested if they do. I don't know how this will all play out in the long run, but I know my son is angry. He's not embarrassed or anything about being caught....he's mad that we're taking stuff away from him - again. Switching gears.... except for him asking another boy years ago to see his privates, I cannot recall anything my son has done to make me think for a moment that he was/is gay. We actually had questions of that nature regarding our older son (who has no clinical issues, and denies being gay after his father point-blank asked him). At one time, my younger son (difficult child) had a girlfriend (and she worried us a lot!) - they talked about having sex and getting married... my biggest fear was that he'd end up getting some girl pregnant while still in high school. Up until we found out about him seeing gay porn on the internet, we never really had any thoughts about him being truly gay. If he is, I am very prepared to accept that...I would not turn my back on him for something so simple. But he just doesn't have a clue about how to establish proper relationships long before trying to go straight to the sex part. THAT is what worries me. At least we've addressed the internet issue, for now. He will be seeing his therapist on Monday and his father will let her know about all this so that, for the next several visits, they work on helping our son through this, whatever the outcome. I just want him to be SURE of what/who he is and not venture down a path simply for curiosity's sake when it's not the safest path available to him. Again, I appreciate everyone's remarks. I look forward to hearing more. Thank you! [/QUOTE]
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