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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 364799" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>You know - I used to think that the behaviors I saw in my son - were going to lead him to be JUST LIKE HIS BIODad. I would think it often and talk to the psychiatrist about it, but I never, ever - not once compared them outloud. My marriage was hell, the abuse was hell, hiding was hell, the mental number it did on me- hell. I expected for 10 years for my x to find us, and kill one or both of us. So imagine my shock and horror when my son told me he was going to 'find' his biodad. O.M.G. The stuff that went through my head was just -sick. </p><p> </p><p>Amazingly enough after about five months? I have realized that my son is NOTHING like his biodad. NOTHING. The more amazing thing about it all? He realizes it too. Whatever he 'thought' he was searching for - or maybe what I kept him away from? He's realizing this on his own. THAT in itself with a few comments now and then? Are worth gold to me. Absolute gold. </p><p> </p><p>My thoughts were that once he was there? It was over - he'd be EXACTLY like him or mostly like him - and well, I'm happy to say I was wrong. So - my advice for you is to never assume your kids; no matter HOW badly behaved will be like their Dad because they just may get so turned off by their Father's example vs. what you raised them to be - that they show you they're nothing like him at all except maybe for looks and all the good stuff the man was before he let you see his other side. Keep the faith - there's still lots of time. </p><p> </p><p>hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 364799, member: 4964"] You know - I used to think that the behaviors I saw in my son - were going to lead him to be JUST LIKE HIS BIODad. I would think it often and talk to the psychiatrist about it, but I never, ever - not once compared them outloud. My marriage was hell, the abuse was hell, hiding was hell, the mental number it did on me- hell. I expected for 10 years for my x to find us, and kill one or both of us. So imagine my shock and horror when my son told me he was going to 'find' his biodad. O.M.G. The stuff that went through my head was just -sick. Amazingly enough after about five months? I have realized that my son is NOTHING like his biodad. NOTHING. The more amazing thing about it all? He realizes it too. Whatever he 'thought' he was searching for - or maybe what I kept him away from? He's realizing this on his own. THAT in itself with a few comments now and then? Are worth gold to me. Absolute gold. My thoughts were that once he was there? It was over - he'd be EXACTLY like him or mostly like him - and well, I'm happy to say I was wrong. So - my advice for you is to never assume your kids; no matter HOW badly behaved will be like their Dad because they just may get so turned off by their Father's example vs. what you raised them to be - that they show you they're nothing like him at all except maybe for looks and all the good stuff the man was before he let you see his other side. Keep the faith - there's still lots of time. hugs [/QUOTE]
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