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New here, seeking a "candle in the darkness"
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 318189" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Welcome - I have a 19 yr old who is not very nice to me. She is an awesome person outside of the home but to me she shows her very ugly mouth, attitude ect. I am still struggling to figure out an answer.</p><p> </p><p>I wanted to share one thing with you that has worked and I do pull it out when things get very ugly with her. Keep in mind that this is not an answer to all our problems but does put a kind of "time out" into the mix.</p><p> </p><p>When my Diva gets into her very demanding attitude, I say to her, "Do not ask anything of me until you can be nice to me for one week." Then everytime she is nasty within that week, I just repeat that phase and walk away (or hang up the phone) and it starts the week over again.</p><p> </p><p>The first time I did this we were in a "time out" for almost a month.</p><p> </p><p>We have gotten to the point that she wants nothing to do with me unless she is looking for something for me to pay for. That made it easier for me to make and stick to this "time out" process.</p><p> </p><p>You did not say anything about possible manipulation tactics going on, however, in the case you are feeling manipulated at times, look up a book called "The Manipulative Child" (you can find it in a library). It is geared more toward younger kids than yours but does have information that I think you can draw from. I did use one of the techniques when Diva was 17 or 18. The book did shed some light on some behaviors.</p><p> </p><p>Do not be concerned over the title of the book. It never refers to a child who manipulates as being bad. That child has simply found a way to survive and get what he or she wants. The book offers some advise to counter that vicious circle of manipulation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 318189, member: 5096"] Welcome - I have a 19 yr old who is not very nice to me. She is an awesome person outside of the home but to me she shows her very ugly mouth, attitude ect. I am still struggling to figure out an answer. I wanted to share one thing with you that has worked and I do pull it out when things get very ugly with her. Keep in mind that this is not an answer to all our problems but does put a kind of "time out" into the mix. When my Diva gets into her very demanding attitude, I say to her, "Do not ask anything of me until you can be nice to me for one week." Then everytime she is nasty within that week, I just repeat that phase and walk away (or hang up the phone) and it starts the week over again. The first time I did this we were in a "time out" for almost a month. We have gotten to the point that she wants nothing to do with me unless she is looking for something for me to pay for. That made it easier for me to make and stick to this "time out" process. You did not say anything about possible manipulation tactics going on, however, in the case you are feeling manipulated at times, look up a book called "The Manipulative Child" (you can find it in a library). It is geared more toward younger kids than yours but does have information that I think you can draw from. I did use one of the techniques when Diva was 17 or 18. The book did shed some light on some behaviors. Do not be concerned over the title of the book. It never refers to a child who manipulates as being bad. That child has simply found a way to survive and get what he or she wants. The book offers some advise to counter that vicious circle of manipulation. [/QUOTE]
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