Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
new here, seeking advice on adult daughter with probable personality disorder
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 582094" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>PTSD, welcome. I'm glad you found us. I'm so sorry for the ordeal you are enduring with your daughter. I understand what it's like to live with mental illness, my brother is schizophrenic, my sister is bi-polar, my parents both had mental issues and so does my daughter, I get what it's like walking on eggshells. As others have pointed out, your daughter is an adult so there is not much you can do to change anything. As the saying goes, you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't change it.</p><p></p><p>My first response is that I hear some guilt, perhaps that your daughter inherited the mental issues or that because of your own PTSD, she is the way she is. Although I understand that guilt and have myself gone through my own experience with it, it serves no purpose, it makes a lot of sense to unload that guilt and really understand that it is <strong>no one's fault, </strong>no one is to blame, it simply is what it is. If you can accept that it will make any further decisions you make to detach so much easier. We tend to hold on when we feel guilty thinking we SHOULD do something to fix it. You can't fix it. <strong>It's not your fault. </strong> Do whatever you can to throw that guilt overboard.</p><p></p><p>My second response is that your choices with your daughter are very limited because she is an adult. So, the next step is for YOU to get support. One place you can begin is to contact NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can find a chapter near you online. They have excellent resources for parents, parent groups and support groups that will help you immensely and give you tools to help YOU and offer the kind of expert advice and support you need. It would also help, if you don't already have one, to find a therapist for YOU. Being surrounded by mental illness is depleting, draining, painful and filled with all kinds of mixed and confusing feelings, it would be very helpful for you to get as much support as you can. Make that your priority.</p><p></p><p>Thirdly, as others have mentioned, detaching is the step we are all involved in to some degree. There is an article at the bottom of my post which is very informative on what detachment is. I can tell you from my personal experience that this is a very difficult road, but you <strong>can </strong>get through it, you can get to a point where you feel peace of mind. The single most important step to take is to put the focus on YOU, make sure you are supported, you get YOUR needs met, begin the process of self healing, you have power there, you have none in your daughter's life, only how you respond to her. Once you put the focus onto yourself and begin to detach, things will begin to shift for you and ultimately the best possible place to land will be acceptance, the understanding that you did all you could do, you love your daughter, however, this is what the truth is, it is what it is. I know from my own journey that that is not an easy place to get to, but if you make that your goal, concentrate on YOU, get support, detach from your daughter, you will get there. </p><p></p><p>What you want for your daughter, for her to go to therapy, for her to stay in her marriage, for you and she to have a relationship, are all things I understand and have felt as well, but the truth is that you are not the master of her fate, she is. You have no power to make her do any of those things, only she does. All you can do is learn how to respond in a healthy and self loving way. And, for many of us, that means to learn how to detach from the drama of her life. </p><p></p><p>I wish you solace, peace and clarity. Keep posting it really helps. Many gentle hugs coming your way..............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 582094, member: 13542"] PTSD, welcome. I'm glad you found us. I'm so sorry for the ordeal you are enduring with your daughter. I understand what it's like to live with mental illness, my brother is schizophrenic, my sister is bi-polar, my parents both had mental issues and so does my daughter, I get what it's like walking on eggshells. As others have pointed out, your daughter is an adult so there is not much you can do to change anything. As the saying goes, you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't change it. My first response is that I hear some guilt, perhaps that your daughter inherited the mental issues or that because of your own PTSD, she is the way she is. Although I understand that guilt and have myself gone through my own experience with it, it serves no purpose, it makes a lot of sense to unload that guilt and really understand that it is [B]no one's fault, [/B]no one is to blame, it simply is what it is. If you can accept that it will make any further decisions you make to detach so much easier. We tend to hold on when we feel guilty thinking we SHOULD do something to fix it. You can't fix it. [B]It's not your fault. [/B] Do whatever you can to throw that guilt overboard. My second response is that your choices with your daughter are very limited because she is an adult. So, the next step is for YOU to get support. One place you can begin is to contact NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can find a chapter near you online. They have excellent resources for parents, parent groups and support groups that will help you immensely and give you tools to help YOU and offer the kind of expert advice and support you need. It would also help, if you don't already have one, to find a therapist for YOU. Being surrounded by mental illness is depleting, draining, painful and filled with all kinds of mixed and confusing feelings, it would be very helpful for you to get as much support as you can. Make that your priority. Thirdly, as others have mentioned, detaching is the step we are all involved in to some degree. There is an article at the bottom of my post which is very informative on what detachment is. I can tell you from my personal experience that this is a very difficult road, but you [B]can [/B]get through it, you can get to a point where you feel peace of mind. The single most important step to take is to put the focus on YOU, make sure you are supported, you get YOUR needs met, begin the process of self healing, you have power there, you have none in your daughter's life, only how you respond to her. Once you put the focus onto yourself and begin to detach, things will begin to shift for you and ultimately the best possible place to land will be acceptance, the understanding that you did all you could do, you love your daughter, however, this is what the truth is, it is what it is. I know from my own journey that that is not an easy place to get to, but if you make that your goal, concentrate on YOU, get support, detach from your daughter, you will get there. What you want for your daughter, for her to go to therapy, for her to stay in her marriage, for you and she to have a relationship, are all things I understand and have felt as well, but the truth is that you are not the master of her fate, she is. You have no power to make her do any of those things, only she does. All you can do is learn how to respond in a healthy and self loving way. And, for many of us, that means to learn how to detach from the drama of her life. I wish you solace, peace and clarity. Keep posting it really helps. Many gentle hugs coming your way.............. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
new here, seeking advice on adult daughter with probable personality disorder
Top