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Parent Emeritus
new here, seeking advice on adult daughter with probable personality disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="gsingjane" data-source="post: 582107" data-attributes="member: 15986"><p>Hi and welcome from a fellow newbie who is also at her wits' end... too bad that name is already taken!</p><p></p><p>One thing that you said in your initial post was so familiar to me, the statement that your difficult child makes all kinds of allegations or claims about what happened to her in her childhood, and it's really hard to figure out whether she honestly believes them or it's just another ploy. Wow! been there done that! Our difficult child is a huge rewriter of history... just as a small and kind of silly example, he was absolutely HEINOUS about getting up for school in the morning to catch the bus. It was just this constant screaming match, each and every day, to get him out the door by 6:35 to catch the bus. I mean every day was a pitched battle, every day started out with snarling and rudeness and slammed doors and for what. Finally, after more than two years of bailing him out by driving him the approximately 40% of times he missed the bus, I forced him to walk. Not many times, maybe five in all. Consequences, you know? (It's about a 4 mile walk.)</p><p></p><p>John has since told many, many people that I "forced" him to walk to school "every day." He has talked, over and over, about all his vivid memories of showing up to school soaking wet, with cold and tired feet, carrying big and heavy bags... and of course, he was sick during all this, which makes me into a double monster.</p><p></p><p>I have no idea whether he actually believes this but I sort of think he does. I think that what our difficult children do, sometimes, is mentally cast about for all the different reasons their horrid behavior is justified. They actually do have some moral sense, deep inside, that they're senselessly and cruelly hurting the people who love them, but they have to feel that there is a "moral to the story." That in some way they are getting recompense, or getting back what they're "owed," for having been treated, in their minds, so poorly. Does this have the ring of truth to you at all?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gsingjane, post: 582107, member: 15986"] Hi and welcome from a fellow newbie who is also at her wits' end... too bad that name is already taken! One thing that you said in your initial post was so familiar to me, the statement that your difficult child makes all kinds of allegations or claims about what happened to her in her childhood, and it's really hard to figure out whether she honestly believes them or it's just another ploy. Wow! been there done that! Our difficult child is a huge rewriter of history... just as a small and kind of silly example, he was absolutely HEINOUS about getting up for school in the morning to catch the bus. It was just this constant screaming match, each and every day, to get him out the door by 6:35 to catch the bus. I mean every day was a pitched battle, every day started out with snarling and rudeness and slammed doors and for what. Finally, after more than two years of bailing him out by driving him the approximately 40% of times he missed the bus, I forced him to walk. Not many times, maybe five in all. Consequences, you know? (It's about a 4 mile walk.) John has since told many, many people that I "forced" him to walk to school "every day." He has talked, over and over, about all his vivid memories of showing up to school soaking wet, with cold and tired feet, carrying big and heavy bags... and of course, he was sick during all this, which makes me into a double monster. I have no idea whether he actually believes this but I sort of think he does. I think that what our difficult children do, sometimes, is mentally cast about for all the different reasons their horrid behavior is justified. They actually do have some moral sense, deep inside, that they're senselessly and cruelly hurting the people who love them, but they have to feel that there is a "moral to the story." That in some way they are getting recompense, or getting back what they're "owed," for having been treated, in their minds, so poorly. Does this have the ring of truth to you at all? [/QUOTE]
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new here, seeking advice on adult daughter with probable personality disorder
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