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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 196508" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>First, welcome! You certainly took on a load and a half. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is nasty. When you add Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) into the mix, it goes beyond nasty. I wish I had something encouraging to say but I don't. Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)/Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is organic. There are no medications to help per se. Ditto Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) requires major behavorial modification. If you haven't found one, find a therapist who specializes in it. Some therapies are, to put it mildly, on the fringe.</p><p> </p><p>If you haven't read it, do check out "Adopting the Hurt Child" by Keck. It may help a little.</p><p> </p><p>I adopted a child with mild Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), possible Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE). She was in therapy from age 3 until 16. She was sent to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in her mid teens. By accident, I did some things right -- I carried her almost nonstop for well over a year; I let play at being a baby with baby bottle, burping, feeding her, etc. (I refused to change diapers). These things helped her form at least some attachment towards me. Not entirely and the odds are that she now has borderline issues but she is a functioning adult. However, as I said, her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) was mild. It doesn't sound like your son's is.</p><p> </p><p>As brutal as this sounds, start looking for placements for him at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Find one that deals with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It can be a lifesaver for him and you.</p><p> </p><p>If you find you can't help him and feel he can no longer live with you, don't feel guilty. The blame lies with his mother -- she did her best to destroy her child and pretty much succeeded from the sound of it. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids frequently end up in disrupted adoptions. The success rate is not good.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry to sound so negative but after having lived it and having seen what a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child can do to you, your family, your health, your finances, your quality of life, it is not a life I would recommend. It takes a commitment and a strength few of us possess. Don't misunderstand, I love my daughter with a passion, I'm grateful for her every success and mourn every failure. However, had I known the facts pre-adoption, there is no way I would have gone through with it. Once she was in my heart, I fought tooth and nail to get her all the help I possibly could. As I said, I was lucky -- her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is mild, I did some things right by sheer luck, she is a strong person in her own right and fought hard to overcome some of her difficulties, she was still young enough when I got her (3.5) to be able to form some sort of attachment. Sadly, few of that is true when a child comes into a new home after the age of 7. It takes a commitment to change not just by the parents but by the child. The problem is the child has found the only way to survive is by putting up the walls and there is no safe way for the child to tear them down without a feeling of total self-destruction.</p><p> </p><p>Now that I've given you a lot of bad news, maybe a little bit of help. While you can't medicate Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)/Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), there are medications that can help control the rages and some of the impulse issues. There are programs specfically geared to both of these Dxes that can help. Will your son ever be cured? Probably not, but he can be improved. He can learn to cope with the world and himself.</p><p> </p><p>I wish you the very best. Remember that you and your husband have to survive as well. You didn't damage this boy; you may not be able to fix him. All you can do is try. Decide how much you can truly tolerate, what you can do and accept whatever decisions you make as being the best for him and you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 196508, member: 3626"] First, welcome! You certainly took on a load and a half. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is nasty. When you add Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) into the mix, it goes beyond nasty. I wish I had something encouraging to say but I don't. Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)/Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is organic. There are no medications to help per se. Ditto Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) requires major behavorial modification. If you haven't found one, find a therapist who specializes in it. Some therapies are, to put it mildly, on the fringe. If you haven't read it, do check out "Adopting the Hurt Child" by Keck. It may help a little. I adopted a child with mild Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), possible Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE). She was in therapy from age 3 until 16. She was sent to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in her mid teens. By accident, I did some things right -- I carried her almost nonstop for well over a year; I let play at being a baby with baby bottle, burping, feeding her, etc. (I refused to change diapers). These things helped her form at least some attachment towards me. Not entirely and the odds are that she now has borderline issues but she is a functioning adult. However, as I said, her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) was mild. It doesn't sound like your son's is. As brutal as this sounds, start looking for placements for him at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Find one that deals with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It can be a lifesaver for him and you. If you find you can't help him and feel he can no longer live with you, don't feel guilty. The blame lies with his mother -- she did her best to destroy her child and pretty much succeeded from the sound of it. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids frequently end up in disrupted adoptions. The success rate is not good. I'm sorry to sound so negative but after having lived it and having seen what a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child can do to you, your family, your health, your finances, your quality of life, it is not a life I would recommend. It takes a commitment and a strength few of us possess. Don't misunderstand, I love my daughter with a passion, I'm grateful for her every success and mourn every failure. However, had I known the facts pre-adoption, there is no way I would have gone through with it. Once she was in my heart, I fought tooth and nail to get her all the help I possibly could. As I said, I was lucky -- her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is mild, I did some things right by sheer luck, she is a strong person in her own right and fought hard to overcome some of her difficulties, she was still young enough when I got her (3.5) to be able to form some sort of attachment. Sadly, few of that is true when a child comes into a new home after the age of 7. It takes a commitment to change not just by the parents but by the child. The problem is the child has found the only way to survive is by putting up the walls and there is no safe way for the child to tear them down without a feeling of total self-destruction. Now that I've given you a lot of bad news, maybe a little bit of help. While you can't medicate Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)/Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), there are medications that can help control the rages and some of the impulse issues. There are programs specfically geared to both of these Dxes that can help. Will your son ever be cured? Probably not, but he can be improved. He can learn to cope with the world and himself. I wish you the very best. Remember that you and your husband have to survive as well. You didn't damage this boy; you may not be able to fix him. All you can do is try. Decide how much you can truly tolerate, what you can do and accept whatever decisions you make as being the best for him and you. [/QUOTE]
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