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Substance Abuse
New here, with- 16 yr old difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 353410" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>welcome. The first thing I want to say is that this is NOT YOUR FAULT. As parents we often try to figure out what we did to cause our children to turn to drugs, to do so many things that hurt themselves and us. There is no real why. It is NOT because something you said or did. Let that guilt and false responsibility go, you have more than enough to deal with with-o that.</p><p></p><p>Second - go find an AlAnon or NarcAnon meeting. Go to a meeting in the next few days. You will be surprised. You can look online for them or in the phone book. One of our AA/AlAnon chapters is listed in the phone book. It may also be listed in yours. Alcohol goes hand in hand with drugs, so either meeting is appropriate. Both use the same 12 steps, and those steps work if you work them.</p><p></p><p>I look at sub abuse from a different position than most here. My bro is a recovering alcoholic. He started drinking very early and then drugs came into the picture. I can guarantee that your daughter has seen a LOT more than you know, and knows a lot that you don't. Likely he has threatened to hurt you, her, or himself if she tells. Get her into counseling. ASAP</p><p></p><p>You may also want to look through HER room It is quite common to hide stuff in a easy child sib's room because that room problem won't be searched by parents. easy child (perfect child - not the one who brought you here) may or may not know what is hidden there. If she finds something and investigates she could be hurt badly.</p><p></p><p>You cannot make your son change. You can send him for treatment and it may be just what he needs. But it MUST be his decision to change. He threatens suicide if you send him to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or wherever. This is yet another signal that he needs professional supervision. Once he is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) they can monitor him 24/ or however much is needed. This is a very common threat (suicide) and most facilities are able to handle it. Personally I would be more comfortable having my difficult child in a facility if he was threatening suicide rather than at home where I cannot really monitor him all the time.</p><p></p><p>If you use a transport service they will also be able to handle this.</p><p></p><p>It is important to call the police when he breaks the law. When you find drugs, alcohol, pipes, bongs, etc... call the police to have them dispose of them. Sooner or later the natural consequences of his actions will catch up to him.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry. This is just a horrible thing to have to deal with. Remember that he simply <strong>CANNOT</strong> be trusted with anything at all. Provide just the basics until he earns more with good behavior. </p><p></p><p>Make sure you concentrate on your daughter through this. It is easy to get slurped into thinking/worrying about difficult child every waking minute. Let him worry about himself. </p><p></p><p>Many gentle hugs,</p><p></p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 353410, member: 1233"] welcome. The first thing I want to say is that this is NOT YOUR FAULT. As parents we often try to figure out what we did to cause our children to turn to drugs, to do so many things that hurt themselves and us. There is no real why. It is NOT because something you said or did. Let that guilt and false responsibility go, you have more than enough to deal with with-o that. Second - go find an AlAnon or NarcAnon meeting. Go to a meeting in the next few days. You will be surprised. You can look online for them or in the phone book. One of our AA/AlAnon chapters is listed in the phone book. It may also be listed in yours. Alcohol goes hand in hand with drugs, so either meeting is appropriate. Both use the same 12 steps, and those steps work if you work them. I look at sub abuse from a different position than most here. My bro is a recovering alcoholic. He started drinking very early and then drugs came into the picture. I can guarantee that your daughter has seen a LOT more than you know, and knows a lot that you don't. Likely he has threatened to hurt you, her, or himself if she tells. Get her into counseling. ASAP You may also want to look through HER room It is quite common to hide stuff in a easy child sib's room because that room problem won't be searched by parents. easy child (perfect child - not the one who brought you here) may or may not know what is hidden there. If she finds something and investigates she could be hurt badly. You cannot make your son change. You can send him for treatment and it may be just what he needs. But it MUST be his decision to change. He threatens suicide if you send him to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or wherever. This is yet another signal that he needs professional supervision. Once he is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) they can monitor him 24/ or however much is needed. This is a very common threat (suicide) and most facilities are able to handle it. Personally I would be more comfortable having my difficult child in a facility if he was threatening suicide rather than at home where I cannot really monitor him all the time. If you use a transport service they will also be able to handle this. It is important to call the police when he breaks the law. When you find drugs, alcohol, pipes, bongs, etc... call the police to have them dispose of them. Sooner or later the natural consequences of his actions will catch up to him. I am so sorry. This is just a horrible thing to have to deal with. Remember that he simply [B]CANNOT[/B] be trusted with anything at all. Provide just the basics until he earns more with good behavior. Make sure you concentrate on your daughter through this. It is easy to get slurped into thinking/worrying about difficult child every waking minute. Let him worry about himself. Many gentle hugs, Susie [/QUOTE]
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New here, with- 16 yr old difficult child
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