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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 409056" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Thank you, "The Explosive Child" sounds like a must-read.</p><p>I've realised I didn't really set down in my original post what I'd most wanted to share/ask about. Probably shouldn't have gone into all that detail - I just wanted to give a bit of background <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p>It's to do with communication and how it affects my son's difficult behaviour (I could have gone into lots more detail about that!) Until recently I have treated him as I would any child - ie when I felt irritated with him, I got irritated, when he refused to do what I say or had a tantrum because he didn't get something he wanted (both of which happened frequently), I would get angry with him as though he was being "naughty" or wilful. As his outbursts of rage have got worse, however, and the more I have read and reflected, I have begun to change this. I have begun to imagine that he cannot exactly "help" his behaviour. And I have begun to be much calmer and more patient in my dealings with him and also more conscious about the "loving, appreciative input" I give him. And since I have been doing this his behaviour has improved... the incidence and intensity of problems have decreased. Of course they have not died down entirely - they still occur (tantrums occur only with me, never at school or with others) and I still feel demoralised and despairing when they do. But there is a clear and undeniable link between my son feeling loved and secure and "welcomed" and his difficult behaviour... So this is interesting to me and I wonder how it relates to your experiences and what you all know of ODD behaviour in general?</p><p>One of the good things about my son's difference is that I appreciate the good times and the good behaviour so much more than an "ordinary" parent. When I give him something and his says "thank you very much, Mummy" or when he accepts not to do something he wants without a major crisis, I feel so absurdly proud and happy....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 409056, member: 11227"] Thank you, "The Explosive Child" sounds like a must-read. I've realised I didn't really set down in my original post what I'd most wanted to share/ask about. Probably shouldn't have gone into all that detail - I just wanted to give a bit of background :-) It's to do with communication and how it affects my son's difficult behaviour (I could have gone into lots more detail about that!) Until recently I have treated him as I would any child - ie when I felt irritated with him, I got irritated, when he refused to do what I say or had a tantrum because he didn't get something he wanted (both of which happened frequently), I would get angry with him as though he was being "naughty" or wilful. As his outbursts of rage have got worse, however, and the more I have read and reflected, I have begun to change this. I have begun to imagine that he cannot exactly "help" his behaviour. And I have begun to be much calmer and more patient in my dealings with him and also more conscious about the "loving, appreciative input" I give him. And since I have been doing this his behaviour has improved... the incidence and intensity of problems have decreased. Of course they have not died down entirely - they still occur (tantrums occur only with me, never at school or with others) and I still feel demoralised and despairing when they do. But there is a clear and undeniable link between my son feeling loved and secure and "welcomed" and his difficult behaviour... So this is interesting to me and I wonder how it relates to your experiences and what you all know of ODD behaviour in general? One of the good things about my son's difference is that I appreciate the good times and the good behaviour so much more than an "ordinary" parent. When I give him something and his says "thank you very much, Mummy" or when he accepts not to do something he wants without a major crisis, I feel so absurdly proud and happy.... [/QUOTE]
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