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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 427940"><p>Welcome to the board and yes you have come to the right place. I think most of us on this board understand. I think adoption issues really add to the issues kids may already have... and since he was 5 when you adopted him then there are the attachment and whatever his past history brings. So know that we understand you are not a bad parent, especially given that he was already 5 when you adopted him... my guess is by that time he already had problems.</p><p></p><p>We adopted both of our kids basically at birth. One is an easy great kid and we have a great relationship even though she is totally a normal teenager. My son has been difficult from very early on and we have dealt with a lot of the behaviors you describe including major substance abuse issues. I know adoption issues are big for him but I don't think he is dealing with them right now. At the moment he is doing somewhat better and I think he is sober.... but he has been through a lot to get there and we shall see what happens. I am very much in a wait and see place.</p><p></p><p>What you are going through with others is pretty awful... and it is just so easy to believe the charming wonderful kid if you don't have a sense of the parents. We live in a pretty well off town and anyone who knows my son I am sure has an opinion and probably even some of those who only know of him. It can be embarrassing... geez our kids don't want us to embarras them but don't realize how much their actions embarras us!!! I am lucky enough because enough people know me and I have been pretty open about the situation so that at least to my face people don't say anything and I have gotten a lot of support. </p><p></p><p>If you haven't already I would recommend finding an good alanon meeting, especially one for parents. I have found this to be hugely hugely helpful.</p><p></p><p>Again welcome..... sorry you had to find us but we are here to listen and understand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 427940"] Welcome to the board and yes you have come to the right place. I think most of us on this board understand. I think adoption issues really add to the issues kids may already have... and since he was 5 when you adopted him then there are the attachment and whatever his past history brings. So know that we understand you are not a bad parent, especially given that he was already 5 when you adopted him... my guess is by that time he already had problems. We adopted both of our kids basically at birth. One is an easy great kid and we have a great relationship even though she is totally a normal teenager. My son has been difficult from very early on and we have dealt with a lot of the behaviors you describe including major substance abuse issues. I know adoption issues are big for him but I don't think he is dealing with them right now. At the moment he is doing somewhat better and I think he is sober.... but he has been through a lot to get there and we shall see what happens. I am very much in a wait and see place. What you are going through with others is pretty awful... and it is just so easy to believe the charming wonderful kid if you don't have a sense of the parents. We live in a pretty well off town and anyone who knows my son I am sure has an opinion and probably even some of those who only know of him. It can be embarrassing... geez our kids don't want us to embarras them but don't realize how much their actions embarras us!!! I am lucky enough because enough people know me and I have been pretty open about the situation so that at least to my face people don't say anything and I have gotten a lot of support. If you haven't already I would recommend finding an good alanon meeting, especially one for parents. I have found this to be hugely hugely helpful. Again welcome..... sorry you had to find us but we are here to listen and understand. [/QUOTE]
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