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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 428370"><p>At the very least, I would draw up some hard and fast household rules. Don't sweat the small stuff, but <u>no drug use and no violence should be requirements for starters. </u></p><p> </p><p>18 year olds:</p><p>For the most part, if your 18 year old refuses to cooperate, I would pay for them to get some mental health counseling, give them a second chance, but then show them the door if the inappropriate behavior continues. And I would do so, without any regret. Do NOT put up with abuse.</p><p> </p><p>21 year olds:</p><p>At age 21, such young adults in my humble opinion, should either be OUT of the home OR FULLY cooperating AND making at least SOME CONTRIBUTION in some way. It doesn't have to be major, but it should be SOMETHING. Otherwise, at 21, they should go as well. If you can't get the to leave voluntarily, seek legal counsel.</p><p> </p><p>Make sure you document all threats and false accusations with your child's physician. Offer substance abuse treatment and/or counseling to your children who participate in drug use/abuse or who are suffering from depression. Call the legal authorities if you feel threatened. Shake your emotions out of this. Don't run away. Don't be ashamed and don't worry about it....but at the same time, limit who you talk to about what is going on. Believe me, most will eventually figure out that these kids are telling tall tales.</p><p> </p><p>Hang on tight to your spouse. Consider reading a book called Boundaries by Townsend. Do your very best not to think about these kids when they were little. Let them know that there are rules to follow and you expect them to follow them. Sure, it is a loss for you and it is very hard. But it makes matters worse if you concentrate on this loss. Hopefully, in time, they will get healthier. You can not force this.</p><p> </p><p>Consider going to Al Anon or Families Anonymous for group support and to discover from other parents what resources there are in your local community.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 428370"] At the very least, I would draw up some hard and fast household rules. Don't sweat the small stuff, but [U]no drug use and no violence should be requirements for starters. [/U] 18 year olds: For the most part, if your 18 year old refuses to cooperate, I would pay for them to get some mental health counseling, give them a second chance, but then show them the door if the inappropriate behavior continues. And I would do so, without any regret. Do NOT put up with abuse. 21 year olds: At age 21, such young adults in my humble opinion, should either be OUT of the home OR FULLY cooperating AND making at least SOME CONTRIBUTION in some way. It doesn't have to be major, but it should be SOMETHING. Otherwise, at 21, they should go as well. If you can't get the to leave voluntarily, seek legal counsel. Make sure you document all threats and false accusations with your child's physician. Offer substance abuse treatment and/or counseling to your children who participate in drug use/abuse or who are suffering from depression. Call the legal authorities if you feel threatened. Shake your emotions out of this. Don't run away. Don't be ashamed and don't worry about it....but at the same time, limit who you talk to about what is going on. Believe me, most will eventually figure out that these kids are telling tall tales. Hang on tight to your spouse. Consider reading a book called Boundaries by Townsend. Do your very best not to think about these kids when they were little. Let them know that there are rules to follow and you expect them to follow them. Sure, it is a loss for you and it is very hard. But it makes matters worse if you concentrate on this loss. Hopefully, in time, they will get healthier. You can not force this. Consider going to Al Anon or Families Anonymous for group support and to discover from other parents what resources there are in your local community. [/QUOTE]
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