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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 608312" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome. I'm sorry you are struggling with your daughter. Your daughter's behaviors fit many of our grown kids behaviors. Whether on drugs, alcohol, mental issues or whatever, at this stage of the game, she is considered to be an adult and you have no more control over her choices. </p><p></p><p>I know how hard that is to hear. </p><p></p><p>What you CAN work on is yourself and your responses to her choices. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. You may also want to go online and find the nearest NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness............they have chapters everywhere and excellent support for families, including a course for parents that is extremely helpful. You may want to attend some 12 step groups for support, any one which fits, CoDa works. You may also find private therapy helps. For you. To learn how to detach and accept what you can't change.</p><p></p><p>Difficult kids do a lot of damage to families and after awhile we get conditioned to it, not noticing how depleted, exhausted, angry, resentful, bitter, sad, grieving and just in general how all the joy and well being has been sucked out of our lives by a family member who is always in crisis, drama or some kind of trauma that we as parents feel we must step in to help with. It becomes a pattern of behavior we simply get used to living in.</p><p></p><p>My best advice to you is to get as much help as you can right now and to learn tools to respond to your daughter in a healthy detached way. To learn how to detach from her choices so that they don't make you sick and take you away from the other younger children who need you now. </p><p></p><p>If you can put a little bit of distance between yourself and your daughter's choices, in that space you can learn to detach just enough to begin responding differently. Many of us need professional help to do that because it really goes against our natural instincts to protect and care for our children. However, once our children are over 18, if they continue making these dramatic choices, our influence dwindles considerably, however our suffering increases because of the lack of control we have now.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter may or may not change, but you can't allow your life and the life of your family to hinge on the choices she makes.............find yourself some support that feels right to you.............keep posting, it helps..................sending you good wishes to find peace..................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 608312, member: 13542"] Welcome. I'm sorry you are struggling with your daughter. Your daughter's behaviors fit many of our grown kids behaviors. Whether on drugs, alcohol, mental issues or whatever, at this stage of the game, she is considered to be an adult and you have no more control over her choices. I know how hard that is to hear. What you CAN work on is yourself and your responses to her choices. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. You may also want to go online and find the nearest NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness............they have chapters everywhere and excellent support for families, including a course for parents that is extremely helpful. You may want to attend some 12 step groups for support, any one which fits, CoDa works. You may also find private therapy helps. For you. To learn how to detach and accept what you can't change. Difficult kids do a lot of damage to families and after awhile we get conditioned to it, not noticing how depleted, exhausted, angry, resentful, bitter, sad, grieving and just in general how all the joy and well being has been sucked out of our lives by a family member who is always in crisis, drama or some kind of trauma that we as parents feel we must step in to help with. It becomes a pattern of behavior we simply get used to living in. My best advice to you is to get as much help as you can right now and to learn tools to respond to your daughter in a healthy detached way. To learn how to detach from her choices so that they don't make you sick and take you away from the other younger children who need you now. If you can put a little bit of distance between yourself and your daughter's choices, in that space you can learn to detach just enough to begin responding differently. Many of us need professional help to do that because it really goes against our natural instincts to protect and care for our children. However, once our children are over 18, if they continue making these dramatic choices, our influence dwindles considerably, however our suffering increases because of the lack of control we have now. Your daughter may or may not change, but you can't allow your life and the life of your family to hinge on the choices she makes.............find yourself some support that feels right to you.............keep posting, it helps..................sending you good wishes to find peace.................. [/QUOTE]
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