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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 608319" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Dancerat, MWM gave you a wonderful piece of wisdom, it is THEIR CHOICE. Your son is 20, mamakathy's daughter is 19, <strong><em>my daughter is 40</em>.</strong>...........you guys want to get this detachment thing going NOW........you want to learn how to respond and how to live in your own lives NOW..........listen to what others are saying, do your own therapy or homework or whatever you have to do to learn how to detach from the CHOICES of others that you <em>cannot control</em>, that you are powerless over..........no matter who they are.............if you can do that, you can have a peaceful and joyful life.................however, riding on the choices of another is a complete exercise in insanity.............</p><p></p><p>I wish I could have learned this a lot earlier............too many of my days/weeks/years have been used up by my family members who lived in major drama and trauma due to their own mental/emotional issues. I never had any control over any of it. </p><p></p><p><em><strong>Whatever</strong> the reason</em>, your kids are wired in a way that makes living in the same reality we all live in, impossible for them. Sometimes they get over that, sometimes they don't, but it is clearly their choice to do whatever they want to do with their lives. It is up to you to respond differently and learn how to detach from their choices. Whatever you have to do in order to accomplish that, do it. Otherwise your lives will be a struggle which has a lot of suffering in it...........we have no control over the choices of another. Any thinking that we do have that control is absolutely crazy-making. </p><p></p><p>Dancerat, you're doing a great job, by the way!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 608319, member: 13542"] Dancerat, MWM gave you a wonderful piece of wisdom, it is THEIR CHOICE. Your son is 20, mamakathy's daughter is 19, [B][I]my daughter is 40[/I].[/B]...........you guys want to get this detachment thing going NOW........you want to learn how to respond and how to live in your own lives NOW..........listen to what others are saying, do your own therapy or homework or whatever you have to do to learn how to detach from the CHOICES of others that you [I]cannot control[/I], that you are powerless over..........no matter who they are.............if you can do that, you can have a peaceful and joyful life.................however, riding on the choices of another is a complete exercise in insanity............. I wish I could have learned this a lot earlier............too many of my days/weeks/years have been used up by my family members who lived in major drama and trauma due to their own mental/emotional issues. I never had any control over any of it. [I][B]Whatever[/B] the reason[/I], your kids are wired in a way that makes living in the same reality we all live in, impossible for them. Sometimes they get over that, sometimes they don't, but it is clearly their choice to do whatever they want to do with their lives. It is up to you to respond differently and learn how to detach from their choices. Whatever you have to do in order to accomplish that, do it. Otherwise your lives will be a struggle which has a lot of suffering in it...........we have no control over the choices of another. Any thinking that we do have that control is absolutely crazy-making. Dancerat, you're doing a great job, by the way! [/QUOTE]
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