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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 228795" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>G'day, Marf.</p><p></p><p>A few things stand out for me as possible red flags.</p><p></p><p>The first - you have history with your older son, with diagnosed dyslexia/ADHD. You did good to get him help and it seems to have borne fruit. However, there are other things that can be seen as "only" ADHD when there can be more underneath, such as Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form (especially Asperger's). And those things are often hereditary.</p><p></p><p>Second - you're obviously highly intelligent. You probably chose a partner who is equally intelligent. And there has been a strong correlation between Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and high IQ in other family members.</p><p></p><p>There are some interesting aspects to Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), people often only react negatively to it as a possible diagnosis but in fact, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids are often amazing in what they can do and in what sort of person they are.</p><p></p><p>I'm not saying yor children (any of them) DO have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), but it's certainly worth checking out. Sounds like you've not had much help from doctors so far. A neuropsychologist would be the way to go, check them ALL out. I'm speaking from experience here - when we were trying to get a diagnosis for one, we took ALL the kids because there were problems with just about all of them.</p><p></p><p>So some suggestions:</p><p></p><p>1) Get onto the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire on <a href="http://www.childbrain.com" target="_blank">www.childbrain.com</a> and run it on each child. Whatever the result, print it out and keep a copy. Show it to whatever specialist you can find. It's also possible to have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) traits, but not enough for a diagnosis. The test is not officially diagnostic, it's just a matter of personal curiosity.</p><p></p><p>2) Read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It helps a HUGE amount. I found it made my life easier. There are some summaries and discussion, in Early Childhood. Check them out. There are other books that people here will also recommend, but this one has helped a great many of us.</p><p></p><p>3) Watch out for the bullying at school. That's another red flag. Kids can be really cruel and it really hurts. If there is ANY chance that your child is not so skilled in social areas, then the bullying is going to lead to a big increase in problem behaviours at school and at home. My kids were recently in a feature film made in Australia, starring Toni Collette. it's called "The Black Balloon". It is about a teenage boy growing up with a profoundly autistic brother and the hassles it causes him. There is a segment of the movie that deals with bullying - bullying of the autistic boy as well as bullying of the brother. It's very real. As I watched that part of the film, I just cried because I remembered all the times I tried to sort out a problem for difficult child 3, only to be told by the teachers that I had misunderstood and that difficult child 3 had got things confused "not surprising, since he is autistic." In fact, difficult child 3 had been a superb witness, but had come to doubt his own observations because his teacher told him that being autistic meant he often misunderstood what he saw.</p><p></p><p>It's a brilliant film, if you can get your hands on it. Uplifting, despite what I've told you. The boy gets the girl, she has more commonsense about living with family problems than the boy himself and teaches him the compassion he needs. Toni Collette plays the ultimate warrior mum - brilliantly done. I met the woman that Toni Collette's character is based on. She's amazing.</p><p></p><p>You sound like you're doing absolutely everything you can, to help your boys. Good on you. But you may be working with not enough information. The suicide talk, for example. You correctly identified this as his attempt to control you - again, highly revealing. When a child lives in a world that seems Occupational Therapist (OT) be out of control, you try to understand and control as much of it as you can, so you can have some idea of what to expect. A good way of handling this is NOT to apply even more parental control, but in fact to allow your child some control back, as long as it is used wisely. Give him rope and let him learn to use it under supervision. The book helps explain how to do this.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, welcome. This is a good mob. We have kids across a wide range of problems, someone will have problems like yours.</p><p></p><p>In our family (as you will see from the sig) we have a combination of extremely high IQ and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in various forms. We've had the explosive behaviour but generally these days it's under control. We've found ays of reducing it. There are some things we've had to let go, but once we understood them better, we stopped worrying so much about them. Other things that seemed minor, we've dealt with before they grew.</p><p></p><p>Welcome. Good people here.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 228795, member: 1991"] G'day, Marf. A few things stand out for me as possible red flags. The first - you have history with your older son, with diagnosed dyslexia/ADHD. You did good to get him help and it seems to have borne fruit. However, there are other things that can be seen as "only" ADHD when there can be more underneath, such as Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form (especially Asperger's). And those things are often hereditary. Second - you're obviously highly intelligent. You probably chose a partner who is equally intelligent. And there has been a strong correlation between Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and high IQ in other family members. There are some interesting aspects to Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), people often only react negatively to it as a possible diagnosis but in fact, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids are often amazing in what they can do and in what sort of person they are. I'm not saying yor children (any of them) DO have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), but it's certainly worth checking out. Sounds like you've not had much help from doctors so far. A neuropsychologist would be the way to go, check them ALL out. I'm speaking from experience here - when we were trying to get a diagnosis for one, we took ALL the kids because there were problems with just about all of them. So some suggestions: 1) Get onto the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire on [url]www.childbrain.com[/url] and run it on each child. Whatever the result, print it out and keep a copy. Show it to whatever specialist you can find. It's also possible to have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) traits, but not enough for a diagnosis. The test is not officially diagnostic, it's just a matter of personal curiosity. 2) Read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It helps a HUGE amount. I found it made my life easier. There are some summaries and discussion, in Early Childhood. Check them out. There are other books that people here will also recommend, but this one has helped a great many of us. 3) Watch out for the bullying at school. That's another red flag. Kids can be really cruel and it really hurts. If there is ANY chance that your child is not so skilled in social areas, then the bullying is going to lead to a big increase in problem behaviours at school and at home. My kids were recently in a feature film made in Australia, starring Toni Collette. it's called "The Black Balloon". It is about a teenage boy growing up with a profoundly autistic brother and the hassles it causes him. There is a segment of the movie that deals with bullying - bullying of the autistic boy as well as bullying of the brother. It's very real. As I watched that part of the film, I just cried because I remembered all the times I tried to sort out a problem for difficult child 3, only to be told by the teachers that I had misunderstood and that difficult child 3 had got things confused "not surprising, since he is autistic." In fact, difficult child 3 had been a superb witness, but had come to doubt his own observations because his teacher told him that being autistic meant he often misunderstood what he saw. It's a brilliant film, if you can get your hands on it. Uplifting, despite what I've told you. The boy gets the girl, she has more commonsense about living with family problems than the boy himself and teaches him the compassion he needs. Toni Collette plays the ultimate warrior mum - brilliantly done. I met the woman that Toni Collette's character is based on. She's amazing. You sound like you're doing absolutely everything you can, to help your boys. Good on you. But you may be working with not enough information. The suicide talk, for example. You correctly identified this as his attempt to control you - again, highly revealing. When a child lives in a world that seems Occupational Therapist (OT) be out of control, you try to understand and control as much of it as you can, so you can have some idea of what to expect. A good way of handling this is NOT to apply even more parental control, but in fact to allow your child some control back, as long as it is used wisely. Give him rope and let him learn to use it under supervision. The book helps explain how to do this. Anyway, welcome. This is a good mob. We have kids across a wide range of problems, someone will have problems like yours. In our family (as you will see from the sig) we have a combination of extremely high IQ and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in various forms. We've had the explosive behaviour but generally these days it's under control. We've found ays of reducing it. There are some things we've had to let go, but once we understood them better, we stopped worrying so much about them. Other things that seemed minor, we've dealt with before they grew. Welcome. Good people here. Marg [/QUOTE]
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