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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 628106" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Hi and Welcome!</p><p></p><p>First off, you are an in-law. That is the worst position to offer any kind of advice or suggestion especially about childrearing. Doesn't matter how right you are, it just doesn't go over well. Or at least that is my experience. Something could get over better from your husband (though they would likely guess that it comes from you.) But maybe more neutral suggestion would be that they seek out parenting therapy or something like that (me and my husband found that very useful with our difficult to raise son.)</p><p></p><p>And to be honest there is little you can do in area of limit setting for your niece. Of course you have your rules in your house when she is there, but that is it. What you can do, is to be positive adult role model and show lots of interest for your niece. That can be invaluable. Sometimes all it takes is that one person, who is there and is honestly interested. With arrangement like yours, I would try to keep out from the role of disciplinarian and be more an adult trustee and friend. Try to guide her with very positive methods and encouragement and try to build a trust between you so that she would feel comfortable turning to you, if something troubling is going on in her life.</p><p></p><p>That may take lot of tongue biting from your part, but I fear that other approaches are likely to backfire.</p><p></p><p>We do some respite parenting too. Our respite kids are much younger and their mother is not related to us but it is arranged through our church and social service. The mother is not inept, but very, very exhausted (she is a single mother of several kids, one with severe special needs, other with moderate ones and with her extended family living hundreds miles away) and we are outsiders. Still it is a delicate balance. I'm sure that your situation with in-law angle is likely much more delicate.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 628106, member: 14557"] Hi and Welcome! First off, you are an in-law. That is the worst position to offer any kind of advice or suggestion especially about childrearing. Doesn't matter how right you are, it just doesn't go over well. Or at least that is my experience. Something could get over better from your husband (though they would likely guess that it comes from you.) But maybe more neutral suggestion would be that they seek out parenting therapy or something like that (me and my husband found that very useful with our difficult to raise son.) And to be honest there is little you can do in area of limit setting for your niece. Of course you have your rules in your house when she is there, but that is it. What you can do, is to be positive adult role model and show lots of interest for your niece. That can be invaluable. Sometimes all it takes is that one person, who is there and is honestly interested. With arrangement like yours, I would try to keep out from the role of disciplinarian and be more an adult trustee and friend. Try to guide her with very positive methods and encouragement and try to build a trust between you so that she would feel comfortable turning to you, if something troubling is going on in her life. That may take lot of tongue biting from your part, but I fear that other approaches are likely to backfire. We do some respite parenting too. Our respite kids are much younger and their mother is not related to us but it is arranged through our church and social service. The mother is not inept, but very, very exhausted (she is a single mother of several kids, one with severe special needs, other with moderate ones and with her extended family living hundreds miles away) and we are outsiders. Still it is a delicate balance. I'm sure that your situation with in-law angle is likely much more delicate. [/QUOTE]
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