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New member - Having a bad morning
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<blockquote data-quote="barneysmom" data-source="post: 400506" data-attributes="member: 1872"><p>Hi Truthsong. It's really hard to be in the middle of our spouses and our kids -- the people we love best. I do think that in general, men have the harder time dealing with difficult child's. Many men are more analytical and logical by nature, and they resist the unconventional parenting we need to do for our kids. Many of us have been, and still are, in the mediator position. It's exhausting and draining. And heartbreaking.</p><p></p><p>I too practice letting go and living in the moment. But I'm still confused about when to let go, when husband and one of our difficult child's are going at it, and things are escalating, and it seems to me that I could handle things much better if I butted in. Let me know if you figure that one out OK?</p><p></p><p>A book that has helped me is Asperger's and Difficult Moments by Brenda Myles. It's written for teachers but parents can use it as well. She describes the phases of the rage cycle -- the rumbling stage, the meltdown itself, and the recovery phase. She gives real specific guidelines for how to identify each phase, and specifically what to do during each stage. Maybe that would help you and your hubby develop a plan that you can collaborate on. If you google "rage cycle" and "Brenda Myles," you'll find power points available without having to buy the book.</p><p></p><p>I have done a lot of thinking about letting go of what I'd like my family to look like. I haven't figured out what to let go of yet. I'm still really attached to the idea that my sons and their dad will get along in a way that I've dreamed of. I'm not sure that's going to happen.</p><p></p><p>But they will establish some kind of relationship eventually, whether good or bad, and that is up to <u>them</u> (easy to say).</p><p></p><p>I think I'm in the process of letting go of the mediator role, and that is frightening. But I really can't control their relationships. It doesn't work and I start to lose my sanity (not saying that <u>you're</u> trying to control -- just that it's where I am on my journey).</p><p></p><p>Jo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="barneysmom, post: 400506, member: 1872"] Hi Truthsong. It's really hard to be in the middle of our spouses and our kids -- the people we love best. I do think that in general, men have the harder time dealing with difficult child's. Many men are more analytical and logical by nature, and they resist the unconventional parenting we need to do for our kids. Many of us have been, and still are, in the mediator position. It's exhausting and draining. And heartbreaking. I too practice letting go and living in the moment. But I'm still confused about when to let go, when husband and one of our difficult child's are going at it, and things are escalating, and it seems to me that I could handle things much better if I butted in. Let me know if you figure that one out OK? A book that has helped me is Asperger's and Difficult Moments by Brenda Myles. It's written for teachers but parents can use it as well. She describes the phases of the rage cycle -- the rumbling stage, the meltdown itself, and the recovery phase. She gives real specific guidelines for how to identify each phase, and specifically what to do during each stage. Maybe that would help you and your hubby develop a plan that you can collaborate on. If you google "rage cycle" and "Brenda Myles," you'll find power points available without having to buy the book. I have done a lot of thinking about letting go of what I'd like my family to look like. I haven't figured out what to let go of yet. I'm still really attached to the idea that my sons and their dad will get along in a way that I've dreamed of. I'm not sure that's going to happen. But they will establish some kind of relationship eventually, whether good or bad, and that is up to [U]them[/U] (easy to say). I think I'm in the process of letting go of the mediator role, and that is frightening. But I really can't control their relationships. It doesn't work and I start to lose my sanity (not saying that [U]you're[/U] trying to control -- just that it's where I am on my journey). Jo [/QUOTE]
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