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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 132158" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>OK, first things first.</p><p></p><p>POSITIONAL VERTIGO - my neurologist fixed mine in just a couple of sessions. It took two sessions because it was a bit tricky. He said this is a diagnosis that neurologists love, because it is SO EASY TO FIX. That is, if the cause is due to loose otoliths in the semi-circular canals (a fairly common problem). </p><p></p><p>There are websites which show you the sort of exercises you can do to deal with this. I had this hit me hard, only a few weeks before we were due to go on holiday to New Zealand. I didn't think I'd be able to manage, but the neuro fixed me up. </p><p>He did what he called Epley's Manouvre. The second treatment, he had mentioned that a vibrator used on the large bone behind the ear can help shake any otoliths into the fluid and it's then easier to tip the patient around so they settle back where they should. So I packed a tiny one in my handbag and the doctor loved it. He wanted to know where he could buy one just like it.</p><p></p><p>The Epley manouvre did make me feel VERY dizzy for a few hours afterwards, but then the problem was almost completely gone.</p><p></p><p>A GP who really knows his stuff might be able to do it; a neurologist should be able to do it easily, and most cases only need one treatment. Or you can do the exercises yourself at home (they do no harm) but it takes longer.</p><p></p><p>Here is a link:</p><p><a href="http://www.emedicinehealth.com/benign_positional_vertigo/page6_em.htm" target="_blank">http://www.emedicinehealth.com/benign_positional_vertigo/page6_em.htm</a></p><p></p><p>Now, to the kid - you mentioned one label as Asperger's. That would explain a great deal.</p><p>Aspie kids - need to control their environment. because the world is such a confusing place, it is through controlling as much as they can, that they can learn to predict their environment. They really hate uncertainty, it throws them off badly.</p><p>They lack empathy - they have a hard enough time just working out their own feelings, which are usually very intense. But they can learn, and with support can be amazing human beings.</p><p>If you continue to treat him as a normal kid who is being deliberately naughty, you will make your problems far worse. It will escalate (as it has been doing) and he will be angry and frustrated while you will be at your wits end. And nothing will change.</p><p></p><p>His need to control everything around him is intense. He is the immovable object. If you respond with irresistible force, neither of you will accomplish anything, except exhaustion.</p><p></p><p>If he is Aspie (and I suspect if he is not, it is so close as to not really make much difference) then he will NOT be naughty or disruptive, just to be a pest. He really is in trouble. I've said this before, it's my regular saying, feel free to quote me - punishing an Aspie kid for what he HAS to do, is like punishing a blind child for failing to copy accurately from the blackboard.</p><p></p><p>URGENT - for your own sanity, and to have a chance at helping him (and yourself) - get a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, and read it. It's like a bible for a lot of us here, it can turn your thinking on its head and suddenly it becomes clear. Without changing your thinking, you're not going to be able to help him; at least, not without a lot of resentment on your part. You are trying to parent him the only way you know how; the way you were raised. And for many kids, it's a good way.</p><p></p><p>But it's not a good way for a lot of difficult children. In a lot of cases, they're difficult child BECAUSE the normal strict parenting techniques are making their behaviour worse.</p><p></p><p>You cannot say to a difficult child, "Because I said so, that's why." To them, that is unreasonable. And the more you stand firm like the Berlin Wall, the worse t he problem and the more resistance you will find, until eventually there is enough resistance to knock down that wall and you get a deluge of uncontrollable problems.</p><p></p><p>Instead, you need to go zen. I didn't realise until recently that that is what I have been doing, but it works for us, it has turned difficult child 3 around completely.</p><p></p><p>Think of the story of the tree and the grass, on the river bank in a storm. The grass is shivering in fear, "I fear the storm, big brother. I fear it will flatten me to the ground and wash away my roots."</p><p>The tree replied, "That's because you are weak and have nothing to stiffen your spine. You should have put your effort into growing stiff, proud and strong, like me. I have withstood many a storm, I am far older and stronger than you."</p><p>The storm raged, the wind blew strong. The stronger the wind blew, the stiffer the tree stood, leaning against the wind. below, the grass was flat to the ground under the force of the wind.</p><p>Then with a mighty CRACK the tree's trunk snapped and the tree fell. When the storm finally eased and day broke, the tree was broken on the ground and the grass, which had been flattened by the wind, was already beginning to straighten up and look to the sun.</p><p>Knowing when to bend and allow the force to go past you instead of knocking you over and breaking you, is a very valuable thing when parenting a difficult child.</p><p></p><p>This doesn't mean the child is being spoiled - we tend to oppose wilful children on principle, and they know it. And it makes them more determined. But if you give way on things that really, when you think about it, don't matter - you are more likely to win when you absolutely have to.</p><p></p><p>The most important - Aspie kids need to learn by your example. So every time you use "Because I said so," they will file that away as the appropriate way to interact with EVERYBODY. The lack of empathy also means they do not distinguish between different 'classes' - to difficult child 3, an adult and a child are on equal footing.</p><p>I was talking to mother in law today about difficult child 3. She said, "People like him, because he is so unselfconscious when he talks to them. A lot of adults I know have commented on how charming and refreshing it is, having this boy talk to them as he would to a friend of his."</p><p>This is because for difficult child 3, the adults he talks to are worthy of respect because they show him respect. And the cycle continues.</p><p></p><p>An example to show it works the other way - we were in a doctor's waiting room and difficult child 3 did his usual thing, he was rummaging around in the toy box looking for baby books to read (he feels safer with simple books he knows). Meanwhile a mother arrived with a toddler and a six month old baby. The baby was fretful, the toddler a bit noisy. difficult child 3 was settling down to read t he books and I suggested, "Why don't you read a book to the baby?" (difficult child 3 reads well, and I thought the baby might settle down if he thought he was getting attention).</p><p>So difficult child 3 picked up two books and walked over to the baby. "Baby, which books would you like me to read? This one? Or that one?" And he actually was waiting for the baby to indicate which book!</p><p>Somehow difficult child 3 interpreted the baby's random movements as making a choice, so he settled to read. As they finished each page, difficult child 3 spoke to the baby, asking him to point to the tree, the dog, to lift the flap on the book, asking him what he thought would happen next - all totally outside the abilities of this infant. It was totally guileless, difficult child 3 simply didn't comprehend that the baby was functioning exactly like difficult child 3 could himself.</p><p>Of course, all this seemed 'cute' to all those watching, and it was a lovely scene. But I knew that in time, the lack of the baby to respond would make difficult child 3 angry, because it would seem disrespectful to him.</p><p></p><p>I have learned to get inside my son's head. It has really helped. Because in doing so, I have unlocked the key to finding the GOOD kid, the one who really wants to fit in, who really wants to do well and be happy, the one who is actually very law-abiding (providing it is HIS laws!).</p><p>We have been working on closing the gap between his laws, and the laws of social interaction, until they match.</p><p></p><p>The short-term memory thing - difficult child 3 is fine, but his big brother has that problem. We have found some practical ways to help him, but a big first step is giving him multiple-step instructions in writing. That could be why he is having t rouble with maths - there are too many steps mentally. Putting them down on paper makes a BIG difference and also greatly reduces the stress.</p><p></p><p>I have only just begun, but I don't want to overload you too soon.</p><p></p><p>Read the book. Then pick our brains. I'm not the only one with a kid like this.</p><p></p><p>We do understand. Really we do!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 132158, member: 1991"] OK, first things first. POSITIONAL VERTIGO - my neurologist fixed mine in just a couple of sessions. It took two sessions because it was a bit tricky. He said this is a diagnosis that neurologists love, because it is SO EASY TO FIX. That is, if the cause is due to loose otoliths in the semi-circular canals (a fairly common problem). There are websites which show you the sort of exercises you can do to deal with this. I had this hit me hard, only a few weeks before we were due to go on holiday to New Zealand. I didn't think I'd be able to manage, but the neuro fixed me up. He did what he called Epley's Manouvre. The second treatment, he had mentioned that a vibrator used on the large bone behind the ear can help shake any otoliths into the fluid and it's then easier to tip the patient around so they settle back where they should. So I packed a tiny one in my handbag and the doctor loved it. He wanted to know where he could buy one just like it. The Epley manouvre did make me feel VERY dizzy for a few hours afterwards, but then the problem was almost completely gone. A GP who really knows his stuff might be able to do it; a neurologist should be able to do it easily, and most cases only need one treatment. Or you can do the exercises yourself at home (they do no harm) but it takes longer. Here is a link: [url]http://www.emedicinehealth.com/benign_positional_vertigo/page6_em.htm[/url] Now, to the kid - you mentioned one label as Asperger's. That would explain a great deal. Aspie kids - need to control their environment. because the world is such a confusing place, it is through controlling as much as they can, that they can learn to predict their environment. They really hate uncertainty, it throws them off badly. They lack empathy - they have a hard enough time just working out their own feelings, which are usually very intense. But they can learn, and with support can be amazing human beings. If you continue to treat him as a normal kid who is being deliberately naughty, you will make your problems far worse. It will escalate (as it has been doing) and he will be angry and frustrated while you will be at your wits end. And nothing will change. His need to control everything around him is intense. He is the immovable object. If you respond with irresistible force, neither of you will accomplish anything, except exhaustion. If he is Aspie (and I suspect if he is not, it is so close as to not really make much difference) then he will NOT be naughty or disruptive, just to be a pest. He really is in trouble. I've said this before, it's my regular saying, feel free to quote me - punishing an Aspie kid for what he HAS to do, is like punishing a blind child for failing to copy accurately from the blackboard. URGENT - for your own sanity, and to have a chance at helping him (and yourself) - get a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, and read it. It's like a bible for a lot of us here, it can turn your thinking on its head and suddenly it becomes clear. Without changing your thinking, you're not going to be able to help him; at least, not without a lot of resentment on your part. You are trying to parent him the only way you know how; the way you were raised. And for many kids, it's a good way. But it's not a good way for a lot of difficult children. In a lot of cases, they're difficult child BECAUSE the normal strict parenting techniques are making their behaviour worse. You cannot say to a difficult child, "Because I said so, that's why." To them, that is unreasonable. And the more you stand firm like the Berlin Wall, the worse t he problem and the more resistance you will find, until eventually there is enough resistance to knock down that wall and you get a deluge of uncontrollable problems. Instead, you need to go zen. I didn't realise until recently that that is what I have been doing, but it works for us, it has turned difficult child 3 around completely. Think of the story of the tree and the grass, on the river bank in a storm. The grass is shivering in fear, "I fear the storm, big brother. I fear it will flatten me to the ground and wash away my roots." The tree replied, "That's because you are weak and have nothing to stiffen your spine. You should have put your effort into growing stiff, proud and strong, like me. I have withstood many a storm, I am far older and stronger than you." The storm raged, the wind blew strong. The stronger the wind blew, the stiffer the tree stood, leaning against the wind. below, the grass was flat to the ground under the force of the wind. Then with a mighty CRACK the tree's trunk snapped and the tree fell. When the storm finally eased and day broke, the tree was broken on the ground and the grass, which had been flattened by the wind, was already beginning to straighten up and look to the sun. Knowing when to bend and allow the force to go past you instead of knocking you over and breaking you, is a very valuable thing when parenting a difficult child. This doesn't mean the child is being spoiled - we tend to oppose wilful children on principle, and they know it. And it makes them more determined. But if you give way on things that really, when you think about it, don't matter - you are more likely to win when you absolutely have to. The most important - Aspie kids need to learn by your example. So every time you use "Because I said so," they will file that away as the appropriate way to interact with EVERYBODY. The lack of empathy also means they do not distinguish between different 'classes' - to difficult child 3, an adult and a child are on equal footing. I was talking to mother in law today about difficult child 3. She said, "People like him, because he is so unselfconscious when he talks to them. A lot of adults I know have commented on how charming and refreshing it is, having this boy talk to them as he would to a friend of his." This is because for difficult child 3, the adults he talks to are worthy of respect because they show him respect. And the cycle continues. An example to show it works the other way - we were in a doctor's waiting room and difficult child 3 did his usual thing, he was rummaging around in the toy box looking for baby books to read (he feels safer with simple books he knows). Meanwhile a mother arrived with a toddler and a six month old baby. The baby was fretful, the toddler a bit noisy. difficult child 3 was settling down to read t he books and I suggested, "Why don't you read a book to the baby?" (difficult child 3 reads well, and I thought the baby might settle down if he thought he was getting attention). So difficult child 3 picked up two books and walked over to the baby. "Baby, which books would you like me to read? This one? Or that one?" And he actually was waiting for the baby to indicate which book! Somehow difficult child 3 interpreted the baby's random movements as making a choice, so he settled to read. As they finished each page, difficult child 3 spoke to the baby, asking him to point to the tree, the dog, to lift the flap on the book, asking him what he thought would happen next - all totally outside the abilities of this infant. It was totally guileless, difficult child 3 simply didn't comprehend that the baby was functioning exactly like difficult child 3 could himself. Of course, all this seemed 'cute' to all those watching, and it was a lovely scene. But I knew that in time, the lack of the baby to respond would make difficult child 3 angry, because it would seem disrespectful to him. I have learned to get inside my son's head. It has really helped. Because in doing so, I have unlocked the key to finding the GOOD kid, the one who really wants to fit in, who really wants to do well and be happy, the one who is actually very law-abiding (providing it is HIS laws!). We have been working on closing the gap between his laws, and the laws of social interaction, until they match. The short-term memory thing - difficult child 3 is fine, but his big brother has that problem. We have found some practical ways to help him, but a big first step is giving him multiple-step instructions in writing. That could be why he is having t rouble with maths - there are too many steps mentally. Putting them down on paper makes a BIG difference and also greatly reduces the stress. I have only just begun, but I don't want to overload you too soon. Read the book. Then pick our brains. I'm not the only one with a kid like this. We do understand. Really we do! Marg [/QUOTE]
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