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New Member looking for some "words of wisdom" about 18yr son at home still in HS!
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<blockquote data-quote="ostate2003" data-source="post: 492635" data-attributes="member: 13460"><p>Update: We went to take the coat back and I tried talking to him about his attitude. He said to me that "the way you're acting is really pissing me off". Every question I would ask him about getting a job or why he was disrespecting me, our family, etc. he would say "I don't know". So my response was....let me ask you a question i know you will have a yes/no answer for.....will you submit to a drug test today. He quickly said yes and had that little cocky thing with his eyes and head. I was already at the mall so I decided to take back the jacket and see if I could continue to talk to him. When he found out I wasn't giving him the cash - that I was going to give him a chance to pick out something else he liked, he got really out of sorts and said he was just hungry. When we sat down to eat I asked about his mood and he told me he was fine until I "started in on him for 3 hours" (mind you the mall is 10 minutes from our house). I told him he was a little off on his time, and he said "why don't you just stop talking to me". As you might imagine it just got worse from there....</p><p></p><p>We got back in the car, because he was not in the mood to shop and then he asked me where I was going. I told him to take him by the place for the drug test - and asked again if he was still willing to do it - he said he yes, then asked me twice what type of test I was going to have done. When I told him we'd just have to wait and see, he got very angry. He then went on to say how I was perscuating him for no reason and I just needed to stop talking. I then said, maybe we can avoid this by you telling me the truth about things...lets start with have you been around anyone who's done drugs. He first said yes a couple weeks ago, then it changed to last week - then it changed to I really wasn't around them, but there was a joint at a friends house during a party that several people went out to the garage to use, but I sayed in the house to just drink a few beers. I asked him why he continued to put himself in these situations and he started again with the "I don't know". A couple questions later, he was getting really short and disrespectful. He told me that he didn't plan on spending the night with us and refused to talk to me anymore so I told him if he was not willing to talk to me to sort things out and didn't have the means to cover his insurance on his car, he wasn't taking his care and I was tired of him being a bully when he didn't get his way. Well that really sent him over the edge and he went on and on about how he couldn't believe I was calling him that - and if anything, it was my husband (his stepdad) who was the bully....and I let him walk all over me. </p><p></p><p>Nothing else was said for the next few minutes it took us to get to the testing place. I turned off the car, grabed my purse and asked him if he was going to get out. When he told me no, my response was "are you telling me you are now not willing to take the test to him clear all his up and vindicate yourself". His last response was nope, I was willing to do it until you called me a bully, now I'm not because you called me that. </p><p></p><p>He had me drop him off by a movie theater with only the clothes on his back and his phone. I kept telling him that I loved him and may not be making the right decisions, but everything I was doing was in an attempt just to help him because I loved him. At first, before I dropped him off he refused to give up his keys - then threw them in the car and said take the f'ing keys and told me thanks for nothing as he left. </p><p></p><p>I am looking for an alanon meeting to attend today, but am just beside myself and would really appreicate chatting with anyone about all this. I keep wondering if I'm going too far or not far enough....and what in the world my next steps can be. Thank you all!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ostate2003, post: 492635, member: 13460"] Update: We went to take the coat back and I tried talking to him about his attitude. He said to me that "the way you're acting is really pissing me off". Every question I would ask him about getting a job or why he was disrespecting me, our family, etc. he would say "I don't know". So my response was....let me ask you a question i know you will have a yes/no answer for.....will you submit to a drug test today. He quickly said yes and had that little cocky thing with his eyes and head. I was already at the mall so I decided to take back the jacket and see if I could continue to talk to him. When he found out I wasn't giving him the cash - that I was going to give him a chance to pick out something else he liked, he got really out of sorts and said he was just hungry. When we sat down to eat I asked about his mood and he told me he was fine until I "started in on him for 3 hours" (mind you the mall is 10 minutes from our house). I told him he was a little off on his time, and he said "why don't you just stop talking to me". As you might imagine it just got worse from there.... We got back in the car, because he was not in the mood to shop and then he asked me where I was going. I told him to take him by the place for the drug test - and asked again if he was still willing to do it - he said he yes, then asked me twice what type of test I was going to have done. When I told him we'd just have to wait and see, he got very angry. He then went on to say how I was perscuating him for no reason and I just needed to stop talking. I then said, maybe we can avoid this by you telling me the truth about things...lets start with have you been around anyone who's done drugs. He first said yes a couple weeks ago, then it changed to last week - then it changed to I really wasn't around them, but there was a joint at a friends house during a party that several people went out to the garage to use, but I sayed in the house to just drink a few beers. I asked him why he continued to put himself in these situations and he started again with the "I don't know". A couple questions later, he was getting really short and disrespectful. He told me that he didn't plan on spending the night with us and refused to talk to me anymore so I told him if he was not willing to talk to me to sort things out and didn't have the means to cover his insurance on his car, he wasn't taking his care and I was tired of him being a bully when he didn't get his way. Well that really sent him over the edge and he went on and on about how he couldn't believe I was calling him that - and if anything, it was my husband (his stepdad) who was the bully....and I let him walk all over me. Nothing else was said for the next few minutes it took us to get to the testing place. I turned off the car, grabed my purse and asked him if he was going to get out. When he told me no, my response was "are you telling me you are now not willing to take the test to him clear all his up and vindicate yourself". His last response was nope, I was willing to do it until you called me a bully, now I'm not because you called me that. He had me drop him off by a movie theater with only the clothes on his back and his phone. I kept telling him that I loved him and may not be making the right decisions, but everything I was doing was in an attempt just to help him because I loved him. At first, before I dropped him off he refused to give up his keys - then threw them in the car and said take the f'ing keys and told me thanks for nothing as he left. I am looking for an alanon meeting to attend today, but am just beside myself and would really appreicate chatting with anyone about all this. I keep wondering if I'm going too far or not far enough....and what in the world my next steps can be. Thank you all! [/QUOTE]
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