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(New Member) This child is going to ruin our family.
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<blockquote data-quote="Desperate Sister" data-source="post: 266203" data-attributes="member: 7256"><p>Thanks to EVERYONE for the warm welcome, encouragement, and support. When I first read through the responses on Monday, I cried. It was so beautiful to <em>finally </em>have people besides my parents who can directly relate to me with this situation. The past week has been emotional. </p><p> </p><p> I forgot to mention that my mom and sister left yesterday morning for a week-long vacation visiting relatives back East. This was a major reason that I was particularly upset about our conflict and it not being resolved immediately. </p><p> On Monday, my sister acted neutrally towards me. Not malicious as the past few days had been, but nice in the way that she usually is. Yesterday morning when they said goodbye before they left, my sister willingly hugged me. So it seems like we said goodbye on a good note, thank the Lord. </p><p> </p><p> Several of you guys recommended the book, The Explosive Child. I think we have it, along with a few other ODD-related books. I think it is in my huge pile of books to read! Haha. I will try to make that one a priority. </p><p> </p><p> When I mentioned her being dependent on medications, I didnt mean that in a negative way, as if I thought it was wrong. I merely meant that its scary to be reminded of what she is like when she is <em>not</em> on them. I fully support her takings anti-depressants and Im definitely NOT saying that she shouldnt take them.</p><p> </p><p>Also, Im not quite hip with this lingo. Based on the context I can figure out things fine, but what does easy child, difficult child, husband, and Know what I mean?, stand for?</p><p> I tried looking through the FAQ for shorthand references, but couldnt find any. </p><p> </p><p> Stella, </p><p> Im not sure if she has ever been diagnosed with anything else. I will try to look into that. </p><p> My sister still is possessive, even with the medications. I make a big effort to spend a lot of time with her, and I know for a fact that I try harder than the average older sibling. Yet, whenever my boyfriend comes over or I go to his house, or even if she just <em>hears</em> that he and I are hanging out, she becomes distant, detached, and angry. </p><p> I have talked about this with the therapist, and we have concluded that perhaps my sister feels that my boyfriend is stealing me away from her. So I have been trying a variety of tactics to reinforce/remind her of my love. This includes telling her verbally and hanging out with her, both with and without my boyfriend. She has been pretty receiving to all of these things, even <em>asking</em> to hang out with us. But for some reason whenever my boyfriend and I first get together, she gets real angry. </p><p> Im not sure what the circumstances are of her sometimes not taking her pills. I guess occasionally she and/or my parents forget. Like I originally said, my rents are somewhat forgetful and inconsistent. . </p><p> </p><p> Lucedaleblessed, </p><p> What exactly do you mean by a weekend away team-experience? Are you talking about a specific type of program, or just any camp in general? </p><p> </p><p> MidWestMom, </p><p> Yes, I understand your comparison with cancer, but at the same time, cancer doesnt necessarily affect family members emotionally in the same way that these behavioral disorders do. </p><p> Definitely not comforting about mental illness being inherited! Yikes! I will keep that in mind. And I will ask my 'rents what our family history is like. </p><p></p><p> 1 Day At a Time, </p><p> Yeah, I can relate to the description of your older child. </p><p> I live at home with my family, which makes things both better and worse, haha. I love being close to my family when we are at peace, but yeah, when **** like this happens, I do feel more motivated to hurry up and move out. </p><p> </p><p> Good word usage. I had to look up what the word respite meant, haha. Yes, I do feel that my parents are somewhat incompetent at times, and therefore have sometimes assumed the supervisor role over my parents, asking them to punish/discipline my sister for me. Which becomes tiring and can turn into a mess of its own. </p><p> </p><p> busywend, </p><p> Yes, I have actually talked with the therapist a great deal about sometimes acting as the supervisor and not a sister to my sister. I get so angry when I see my sister get away with SO MUCH. Taking control of the situation is my impulse. </p><p> Yeah, I appreciate and agree with your last paragraph. An odd, negative personality crosses the personal boundaries when they hurt other people. </p><p> </p><p> Marguerite, </p><p> Are you saying that my sister has possibly gotten a wrong diagnosis? I mean all the treatments she has gotten so far have helped her a lot. </p><p> Hmm, good point. It might be time for a re-evaluation. </p><p> And yeah, the management and support is exhausting. </p><p> Ah, I bet that was difficult with your son. Its painful to see kids hurt for being who they are, and pitifully trying so hard to fit in. I am definitely not normal, so I can understand why someone would want to try to be normal. Constant rejection and judgment is way harsh. </p><p> If I follow my instincts, I would hit my sister each time she was mean to me. Hahaha (kind of). </p><p> Yes, we are all definitely burned out. Having busy lives outside of dealing with my sister doesnt help, either. Yeah, I definitely think they should get involved here. I was thinking of that already. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I will wait until next week when my mom has gotten back from her vaca. And yes, I will talk with them, too. Yes, I love written communication because it allows me to carefully think over each word and sentence, and I love doing that. </p><p> Hmm yeah, sounds like Ill have to somehow find another method of working with my sister. I usually resort to channeling through my parents, a.k.a. asking them to correct her for me, therefore taking the steam off of me. But then, sometimes my mom still uses my name, Your sister told me that you did this. Which kills the whole point of me asking them to discipline her because then my sister still ends up mad at me! </p><p> My dad suggested that I offer something to my sister when I want something from her. I think it sounds manipulative or like bribing, but he says that she sees what she can get out of the world, and that it is merely her language. But I am still not comfortable with that, so the therapist suggested I find some creative way to deal with her. :-/ I have no idea, though. But I will try to look into it. </p><p> Taking note of her behaviors is a very interesting idea. I have often mentioned/described particularly upsetting instances in my journal, but I will start a log of her. </p><p> Haha, so much for being brief, eh? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> </p><p> </p><p> slsh, </p><p>I agree with you about teaching good values and accepting feelings. </p><p> We have been dreading her puberty for a while now, especially what she will be like while she is PMS-ing! </p><p> Yeah, I should probably give my rents some slack. I shouldnt judge. Its just so difficult when I witness their incompetence daily.</p><p> </p><p> Daisylover, </p><p> Yes, my sister needs to learn that, too. I guess most children do, because kids are naturally egocentric and then gradually grow out of it as they mature and become aware of the world. </p><p> Yeah that sounds like a real good idea. </p><p> Hey! The therapist actually just recommended that book to me specifically on Monday! </p><p> </p><p> eekysign, </p><p> I read your post. I can relate to a lot of it! </p><p> My sister considers herself a tomboy and brags that she will punch any boy that comes close to her. She prefers baggy clothing and fights with my mom about wearing tights or dresses for church. And a lot of things that I originally said match with your post, too. </p><p> Haha, my mom had actually recently said she really wanted to send my sister to a boot camp or boarding school to get a taste of her own medicine. My mom has toyed with this thought for years but is now actually considering using it as a threat. I dont know if it would make the situation better (make her realize how lucky she is) or worse (possibly kill her soul). </p><p> </p><p> totoro, </p><p> Thanks! </p><p> </p><p> Estherfromjerusalem, </p><p> Oh yeah! I have a billion personal goals, and I definitely plan on accomplishing them, Lord willing! I am very pro-active and goal-oriented. Yeah, thanks, I agree. I definitely do not want to sacrifice my entire life for her. I do definitely have my own life, as I am involved in many things separate from her and my family. Nah, definitely not selfish! </p><p> My therapy appointment. went very well. I always feel better after a session. We discussed several things regarding my sister. We defined childrens behaviors. And how if the kids motive is to get attention, then the behavior should get ignored. But if their motive is to have control and power, then thats when ya gotta be creative and find a way to deal with the behavior uniquely. </p><p> She emphasized how I shouldnt engage in a power struggle. That is a tough one because I am a fighter and I <em>refuse</em> to back down while fighting with her. Both physically and mentally. </p><p> We also talked about how I have such an urgency to understand everything. This might have stemmed from growing up in such chaos with my sister and not understanding anything. But I need to be patient with trying to figure everything out. </p><p> </p><p> nvts, </p><p> Haha, thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Desperate Sister, post: 266203, member: 7256"] Thanks to EVERYONE for the warm welcome, encouragement, and support. When I first read through the responses on Monday, I cried. It was so beautiful to [I]finally [/I]have people besides my parents who can directly relate to me with this situation. The past week has been emotional. I forgot to mention that my mom and sister left yesterday morning for a week-long vacation visiting relatives back East. This was a major reason that I was particularly upset about our conflict and it not being resolved immediately. On Monday, my sister acted neutrally towards me. Not malicious as the past few days had been, but nice in the way that she usually is. Yesterday morning when they said goodbye before they left, my sister willingly hugged me. So it seems like we said goodbye on a good note, thank the Lord. Several of you guys recommended the book, The Explosive Child. I think we have it, along with a few other ODD-related books. I think it is in my huge pile of books to read! Haha. I will try to make that one a priority. When I mentioned her being dependent on medications, I didnt mean that in a negative way, as if I thought it was wrong. I merely meant that its scary to be reminded of what she is like when she is [I]not[/I] on them. I fully support her takings anti-depressants and Im definitely NOT saying that she shouldnt take them. Also, Im not quite hip with this lingo. Based on the context I can figure out things fine, but what does easy child, difficult child, husband, and Know what I mean?, stand for? I tried looking through the FAQ for shorthand references, but couldnt find any. Stella, Im not sure if she has ever been diagnosed with anything else. I will try to look into that. My sister still is possessive, even with the medications. I make a big effort to spend a lot of time with her, and I know for a fact that I try harder than the average older sibling. Yet, whenever my boyfriend comes over or I go to his house, or even if she just [I]hears[/I] that he and I are hanging out, she becomes distant, detached, and angry. I have talked about this with the therapist, and we have concluded that perhaps my sister feels that my boyfriend is stealing me away from her. So I have been trying a variety of tactics to reinforce/remind her of my love. This includes telling her verbally and hanging out with her, both with and without my boyfriend. She has been pretty receiving to all of these things, even [I]asking[/I] to hang out with us. But for some reason whenever my boyfriend and I first get together, she gets real angry. Im not sure what the circumstances are of her sometimes not taking her pills. I guess occasionally she and/or my parents forget. Like I originally said, my rents are somewhat forgetful and inconsistent. . Lucedaleblessed, What exactly do you mean by a weekend away team-experience? Are you talking about a specific type of program, or just any camp in general? MidWestMom, Yes, I understand your comparison with cancer, but at the same time, cancer doesnt necessarily affect family members emotionally in the same way that these behavioral disorders do. Definitely not comforting about mental illness being inherited! Yikes! I will keep that in mind. And I will ask my 'rents what our family history is like. 1 Day At a Time, Yeah, I can relate to the description of your older child. I live at home with my family, which makes things both better and worse, haha. I love being close to my family when we are at peace, but yeah, when **** like this happens, I do feel more motivated to hurry up and move out. Good word usage. I had to look up what the word respite meant, haha. Yes, I do feel that my parents are somewhat incompetent at times, and therefore have sometimes assumed the supervisor role over my parents, asking them to punish/discipline my sister for me. Which becomes tiring and can turn into a mess of its own. busywend, Yes, I have actually talked with the therapist a great deal about sometimes acting as the supervisor and not a sister to my sister. I get so angry when I see my sister get away with SO MUCH. Taking control of the situation is my impulse. Yeah, I appreciate and agree with your last paragraph. An odd, negative personality crosses the personal boundaries when they hurt other people. Marguerite, Are you saying that my sister has possibly gotten a wrong diagnosis? I mean all the treatments she has gotten so far have helped her a lot. Hmm, good point. It might be time for a re-evaluation. And yeah, the management and support is exhausting. Ah, I bet that was difficult with your son. Its painful to see kids hurt for being who they are, and pitifully trying so hard to fit in. I am definitely not normal, so I can understand why someone would want to try to be normal. Constant rejection and judgment is way harsh. If I follow my instincts, I would hit my sister each time she was mean to me. Hahaha (kind of). Yes, we are all definitely burned out. Having busy lives outside of dealing with my sister doesnt help, either. Yeah, I definitely think they should get involved here. I was thinking of that already. :) I will wait until next week when my mom has gotten back from her vaca. And yes, I will talk with them, too. Yes, I love written communication because it allows me to carefully think over each word and sentence, and I love doing that. Hmm yeah, sounds like Ill have to somehow find another method of working with my sister. I usually resort to channeling through my parents, a.k.a. asking them to correct her for me, therefore taking the steam off of me. But then, sometimes my mom still uses my name, Your sister told me that you did this. Which kills the whole point of me asking them to discipline her because then my sister still ends up mad at me! My dad suggested that I offer something to my sister when I want something from her. I think it sounds manipulative or like bribing, but he says that she sees what she can get out of the world, and that it is merely her language. But I am still not comfortable with that, so the therapist suggested I find some creative way to deal with her. :-/ I have no idea, though. But I will try to look into it. Taking note of her behaviors is a very interesting idea. I have often mentioned/described particularly upsetting instances in my journal, but I will start a log of her. Haha, so much for being brief, eh? ;) slsh, I agree with you about teaching good values and accepting feelings. We have been dreading her puberty for a while now, especially what she will be like while she is PMS-ing! Yeah, I should probably give my rents some slack. I shouldnt judge. Its just so difficult when I witness their incompetence daily. Daisylover, Yes, my sister needs to learn that, too. I guess most children do, because kids are naturally egocentric and then gradually grow out of it as they mature and become aware of the world. Yeah that sounds like a real good idea. Hey! The therapist actually just recommended that book to me specifically on Monday! eekysign, I read your post. I can relate to a lot of it! My sister considers herself a tomboy and brags that she will punch any boy that comes close to her. She prefers baggy clothing and fights with my mom about wearing tights or dresses for church. And a lot of things that I originally said match with your post, too. Haha, my mom had actually recently said she really wanted to send my sister to a boot camp or boarding school to get a taste of her own medicine. My mom has toyed with this thought for years but is now actually considering using it as a threat. I dont know if it would make the situation better (make her realize how lucky she is) or worse (possibly kill her soul). totoro, Thanks! Estherfromjerusalem, Oh yeah! I have a billion personal goals, and I definitely plan on accomplishing them, Lord willing! I am very pro-active and goal-oriented. Yeah, thanks, I agree. I definitely do not want to sacrifice my entire life for her. I do definitely have my own life, as I am involved in many things separate from her and my family. Nah, definitely not selfish! My therapy appointment. went very well. I always feel better after a session. We discussed several things regarding my sister. We defined childrens behaviors. And how if the kids motive is to get attention, then the behavior should get ignored. But if their motive is to have control and power, then thats when ya gotta be creative and find a way to deal with the behavior uniquely. She emphasized how I shouldnt engage in a power struggle. That is a tough one because I am a fighter and I [I]refuse[/I] to back down while fighting with her. Both physically and mentally. We also talked about how I have such an urgency to understand everything. This might have stemmed from growing up in such chaos with my sister and not understanding anything. But I need to be patient with trying to figure everything out. nvts, Haha, thank you. [/QUOTE]
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