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(New Member) This child is going to ruin our family.
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 266372" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Welcome, Desp Sister.</p><p>You've gotten some great feedback here!</p><p>I am so glad Eekysign saw your note. I immediately thought of her when I saw your note.</p><p>And I agree with-Marg--don't be too much of a parent in all of this. There is something called detachment,and it's something we all learn sooner or later. It takes lots of practice. It means that you have to let your sister's moods bounce off of you. You cannot control her moods (although it looks like the medications are doing a decent job) but you can control how you react to those moods. Try not to take it so personally. She is manipulating her environment because she doesn't know any other way to react. With a better diagnosis and different therapies, she will learn.</p><p>That is up to your parents, not you.</p><p>I love that your mom has given you a break for a wk. Please don't spend the entire time talking about your sister, LOL! When my husband and I went on our first vacation alone, we spent the first day talking about the kids, and we looked at one another and said, "Why didn't we take them with-us?"</p><p>That is normal, but it's more pronounced when you are in a dysfunctional situation.</p><p>Bravo that you are going to therapy. It really helps.</p><p> </p><p>There are lots of diff dxes on this bb and if you scroll through some of the notes, and read the profiles at the bottom of our notes, you'll see we're all dealing with-diff dxes but oftentimes, use the same therapies. Some therapies are just good, basic processes.</p><p>One thing your parents seem to do right is to not allow your sister to get away with-her meanness any more. They call her on it. But she needs more than that--to be sent from the room, or for others to walk away. One thing I have my son do is write 10X on a piece of paper what it is he has done. It has to be very literal for him to understand. He will apologize for yelling at me, for ex, but misses the point that there are other things going on. For ex he may make us late, or not be dressed, or be unable to finish something and blame it on us, and his whole view of life, or at least, the events leading up to a meltdown, are skewed. So we help him see things more clearly.</p><p>He also needed to understand that it is okay to get mad, in general, and at people, specifically. It is human. But how you express your anger is what is important. That is something we are still working on, but it has gotten much better .</p><p>Yes, maturity does help. Your sister's brain is developing and some maturity will kick in. But she has learned some bad habits to cope with-her illness and has to relearn behaviors and thinking patterns.</p><p>This is something SHE needs to learn, not you. All you can do is change your response to her.</p><p> </p><p>Feel free to start another thread when she gets home and tell us how it went, and how she reacted to seeing you after an extended time away.</p><p> </p><p>Again, nice to meet you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 266372, member: 3419"] Welcome, Desp Sister. You've gotten some great feedback here! I am so glad Eekysign saw your note. I immediately thought of her when I saw your note. And I agree with-Marg--don't be too much of a parent in all of this. There is something called detachment,and it's something we all learn sooner or later. It takes lots of practice. It means that you have to let your sister's moods bounce off of you. You cannot control her moods (although it looks like the medications are doing a decent job) but you can control how you react to those moods. Try not to take it so personally. She is manipulating her environment because she doesn't know any other way to react. With a better diagnosis and different therapies, she will learn. That is up to your parents, not you. I love that your mom has given you a break for a wk. Please don't spend the entire time talking about your sister, LOL! When my husband and I went on our first vacation alone, we spent the first day talking about the kids, and we looked at one another and said, "Why didn't we take them with-us?" That is normal, but it's more pronounced when you are in a dysfunctional situation. Bravo that you are going to therapy. It really helps. There are lots of diff dxes on this bb and if you scroll through some of the notes, and read the profiles at the bottom of our notes, you'll see we're all dealing with-diff dxes but oftentimes, use the same therapies. Some therapies are just good, basic processes. One thing your parents seem to do right is to not allow your sister to get away with-her meanness any more. They call her on it. But she needs more than that--to be sent from the room, or for others to walk away. One thing I have my son do is write 10X on a piece of paper what it is he has done. It has to be very literal for him to understand. He will apologize for yelling at me, for ex, but misses the point that there are other things going on. For ex he may make us late, or not be dressed, or be unable to finish something and blame it on us, and his whole view of life, or at least, the events leading up to a meltdown, are skewed. So we help him see things more clearly. He also needed to understand that it is okay to get mad, in general, and at people, specifically. It is human. But how you express your anger is what is important. That is something we are still working on, but it has gotten much better . Yes, maturity does help. Your sister's brain is developing and some maturity will kick in. But she has learned some bad habits to cope with-her illness and has to relearn behaviors and thinking patterns. This is something SHE needs to learn, not you. All you can do is change your response to her. Feel free to start another thread when she gets home and tell us how it went, and how she reacted to seeing you after an extended time away. Again, nice to meet you! [/QUOTE]
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