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New - parent of ODD child
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 369034"><p>Hi Batmans, you have my utter and complete sympathy. I am coming to this with a lot of hindsight as my son is 18 but what you describe is very familiar to me...I kept trying to get concrete help when my son was that age but did not get much help then though I tried. So keep trying and even though many of you don't like the diagnosis of ODD it at least describes a set of behaviors. I know when my son was that age I felt so alone because he was so out there at times. I wish I had found this forum then.</p><p></p><p>Anyway my concrete advice is have lots of structure. I am not a structured person at all but if we had a chance to do it over in would give as much structure as I could.</p><p>O</p><p>One thing we did when my son was 5 was institute a reward system. This made a huge turn around, and given what I know now I wish I had found a way to keep it up Windefinitely...eventually we felt we had gotten all we could from it and my son had improved dramatically...and that lasted for a while.</p><p></p><p>So we called it the penny system because we used pennies as tokens. So for every positive behavior hen would earn pennies, and every negative behavior he lost pennies. We started off rewarding liberally because you want them to get the taste of success. Then a certain number of pennies would earn him a privledge...such as 5 pennies got him a sweet of some kind (yes I know food is not a good thing to do but we were looking for things that motivated him) , I think 5 pennies earned him 30 min of tv, 20 pennies might earn him a toy...etc. I can't remember now what they all were but they were things he regularly got but now had to earn, and also some bigger type rewards for more pennies. We also got others involved so he would get pennies if we got q good report from the preschool or a babysitter.</p><p></p><p>We did this for months. I literally walked around with my pockets full of pennies, one was his pennies and one was kind of the penny bank. So I could easily move pennies to or from his earned pennies.</p><p></p><p>He also never started a day with negative pennies....he got a new start each day.</p><p></p><p>This caused a real turn around in his behavior. At the time it felt like a miracle. It also showed us that he wasncapable of good behavior if he was motivated enough!</p><p></p><p>Now like I said i wish we had found a way to keep up those same principals because in his teenage years things went downhill....</p><p></p><p>Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 369034"] Hi Batmans, you have my utter and complete sympathy. I am coming to this with a lot of hindsight as my son is 18 but what you describe is very familiar to me...I kept trying to get concrete help when my son was that age but did not get much help then though I tried. So keep trying and even though many of you don't like the diagnosis of ODD it at least describes a set of behaviors. I know when my son was that age I felt so alone because he was so out there at times. I wish I had found this forum then. Anyway my concrete advice is have lots of structure. I am not a structured person at all but if we had a chance to do it over in would give as much structure as I could. O One thing we did when my son was 5 was institute a reward system. This made a huge turn around, and given what I know now I wish I had found a way to keep it up Windefinitely...eventually we felt we had gotten all we could from it and my son had improved dramatically...and that lasted for a while. So we called it the penny system because we used pennies as tokens. So for every positive behavior hen would earn pennies, and every negative behavior he lost pennies. We started off rewarding liberally because you want them to get the taste of success. Then a certain number of pennies would earn him a privledge...such as 5 pennies got him a sweet of some kind (yes I know food is not a good thing to do but we were looking for things that motivated him) , I think 5 pennies earned him 30 min of tv, 20 pennies might earn him a toy...etc. I can't remember now what they all were but they were things he regularly got but now had to earn, and also some bigger type rewards for more pennies. We also got others involved so he would get pennies if we got q good report from the preschool or a babysitter. We did this for months. I literally walked around with my pockets full of pennies, one was his pennies and one was kind of the penny bank. So I could easily move pennies to or from his earned pennies. He also never started a day with negative pennies....he got a new start each day. This caused a real turn around in his behavior. At the time it felt like a miracle. It also showed us that he wasncapable of good behavior if he was motivated enough! Now like I said i wish we had found a way to keep up those same principals because in his teenage years things went downhill.... Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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