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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 21441"><p>I'm glad you found a place you felt safe to unburden yourself. It helps to be heard and not judged...just unconditional support. It has to be incredibly difficult to watch a child you love self-destruct. You're left feeling like you're between a rock and a hard place. What to do?</p><p></p><p>As a child of a parent who was a drug-abuser (my father), I can give you my perspective in regards to your granddaughter. My mother divorced my father when I was 8 and my brother was 12. She stayed married to him too long. She kept hoping things would change, kept tyring to make change, etc. She didn't stay for financial reasons as she owned her own successful business. </p><p></p><p>By that age, I could smell pot from a mile away. I could identify it growing. I knew what the white powder on the table was. I knew what bad acid trips looked like. I could look at anyone and tell by their eyes if they were high. I knew each of my dad's friends and brothers drug of choice. I knew how to roll a joint. I was afraid. I never felt safe. My home wasn't safe. One's home should be their sanctuary. I still can't stand the smell of alcohol on someone's breath. Even just a glass of wine. </p><p></p><p>I no longer have any contact with my father. He lives 2 hours away. I don't talk to him. I don't send him cards. I don't care what he's doing. When I was 16 I finally confronted him with everything. He did have the decency to act somewhat contrite, but it didn't change anything. It did, however, give me a feeling of some control...over my life, over my emotions...took back the control I felt he had taken with the constant chaos. If that makes any sense. The drugs were more important to him than his family. Still are. </p><p></p><p>Children need stability. They need to know they are the most important person in your world. They need to know they are safe. As much as you want to help your stepdaughter, you have to be able to protect your granddaughter. It's an incredibly difficult situation to be in and my heart goes out to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 21441"] I'm glad you found a place you felt safe to unburden yourself. It helps to be heard and not judged...just unconditional support. It has to be incredibly difficult to watch a child you love self-destruct. You're left feeling like you're between a rock and a hard place. What to do? As a child of a parent who was a drug-abuser (my father), I can give you my perspective in regards to your granddaughter. My mother divorced my father when I was 8 and my brother was 12. She stayed married to him too long. She kept hoping things would change, kept tyring to make change, etc. She didn't stay for financial reasons as she owned her own successful business. By that age, I could smell pot from a mile away. I could identify it growing. I knew what the white powder on the table was. I knew what bad acid trips looked like. I could look at anyone and tell by their eyes if they were high. I knew each of my dad's friends and brothers drug of choice. I knew how to roll a joint. I was afraid. I never felt safe. My home wasn't safe. One's home should be their sanctuary. I still can't stand the smell of alcohol on someone's breath. Even just a glass of wine. I no longer have any contact with my father. He lives 2 hours away. I don't talk to him. I don't send him cards. I don't care what he's doing. When I was 16 I finally confronted him with everything. He did have the decency to act somewhat contrite, but it didn't change anything. It did, however, give me a feeling of some control...over my life, over my emotions...took back the control I felt he had taken with the constant chaos. If that makes any sense. The drugs were more important to him than his family. Still are. Children need stability. They need to know they are the most important person in your world. They need to know they are safe. As much as you want to help your stepdaughter, you have to be able to protect your granddaughter. It's an incredibly difficult situation to be in and my heart goes out to you. [/QUOTE]
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