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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 101954" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You will find a lot of stuff in "Explosive Child" will help you find a way to get through to him about how to behave with other people. You will need to get his sister on board with it, as well. When I had a family member who didn't have time to sit down and read the book, I explained it to them - it helped me get it straight in my own head, too.</p><p></p><p>He is currently using other people as a barometer, in terms of what to study, who to 'reward' with his intellectual prowess. This is not good - he does need to move towards valuing himself and his own achievements, in being his own rewarder. A subject or teacher he doesn't like - he should try to do well IN SPITE of the teacher, and make it clear he is achieving without their help. He wants to study Latin? So study it, man! There are some good, cheap, software packages that you can use to teach yourself. We also have the option at libraries and at the local university, to use their language laboratory to brush up on any language we choose. And surely, succeeding in Latin would be a really good revenge on the teacher who changed her mind? But ultimately, his own success should be the reward - for him.</p><p></p><p>Regarding getting a diagnosis - if it's Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) it's really difficult when they're older, especially when they're bright. These kids are trying to adapt (despite what it seems) and so what ends up being observed and measured has a veneer of assumed normality to it. For example, by 15, difficult child 1 had reduced the noises he makes to a quieter sound, one which seems less unusual than the earlier noises he used to make.</p><p>difficult child 3's noises - he used to be echolalic, used jargon speech (which his sister called "talking in scribble") and sounded like a classic autistic kid. His vocal stimulant now is much quieter, it mostly sounds like throat clearing. When you know him you can hear that it is different, it isn't QUITE throat clearing, and sometimes he can get quite noisy with it, but that's when nobody else is around and he doesn't feel so much need to suppress it.</p><p></p><p>He clearly learns differently. He really does sound a lot like difficult child 3, in the way he learns. difficult child 3 doesn't revise either. He also needs to learn by 'seeing' the whole thing in one piece. While he benefits from breaking up tasks into smaller units, if he hasn't seen some visualisation of the whole task or topic at some stage then he really struggles. But let him see the whole thing and if he is receptive (as he generally is now he's older) then he stows it away in his brain with lightning speed.</p><p>He reads books fast (factual books) and watches movies with subtitles, to help him understand them better (his hearing is perfect). What he sees and reads, he remembers almost perfectly.</p><p></p><p>Oh, and I had meant to say, on the topic of your son deliberately misunderstanding dyspraxic as "spastic" - we don't use the term 'spastic' these days, the term is cerebral palsy. And it generally is a purely physical condition, some CP people could even give him a run for his money, in terms of mental ability. It sounds like he is deliberately misunderstanding to be aggressive on the topic, to demonstrate his anger. And at some level, he IS angry because life just isn't fair. People are mean to him, people don't give him a fair go, he just wants to be allowed to do things his way and doesn't understand why he has to fit in, especially when it's so difficult.</p><p></p><p>It will take time, and maybe counselling would be good (if you can find a door to kick down) but he has to get some understanding of and control of his anger, it is doing him damage in a number of ways. Again, "Explosive Child" could help there, too, if you can give it a go and get family to work with you on it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 101954, member: 1991"] You will find a lot of stuff in "Explosive Child" will help you find a way to get through to him about how to behave with other people. You will need to get his sister on board with it, as well. When I had a family member who didn't have time to sit down and read the book, I explained it to them - it helped me get it straight in my own head, too. He is currently using other people as a barometer, in terms of what to study, who to 'reward' with his intellectual prowess. This is not good - he does need to move towards valuing himself and his own achievements, in being his own rewarder. A subject or teacher he doesn't like - he should try to do well IN SPITE of the teacher, and make it clear he is achieving without their help. He wants to study Latin? So study it, man! There are some good, cheap, software packages that you can use to teach yourself. We also have the option at libraries and at the local university, to use their language laboratory to brush up on any language we choose. And surely, succeeding in Latin would be a really good revenge on the teacher who changed her mind? But ultimately, his own success should be the reward - for him. Regarding getting a diagnosis - if it's Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) it's really difficult when they're older, especially when they're bright. These kids are trying to adapt (despite what it seems) and so what ends up being observed and measured has a veneer of assumed normality to it. For example, by 15, difficult child 1 had reduced the noises he makes to a quieter sound, one which seems less unusual than the earlier noises he used to make. difficult child 3's noises - he used to be echolalic, used jargon speech (which his sister called "talking in scribble") and sounded like a classic autistic kid. His vocal stimulant now is much quieter, it mostly sounds like throat clearing. When you know him you can hear that it is different, it isn't QUITE throat clearing, and sometimes he can get quite noisy with it, but that's when nobody else is around and he doesn't feel so much need to suppress it. He clearly learns differently. He really does sound a lot like difficult child 3, in the way he learns. difficult child 3 doesn't revise either. He also needs to learn by 'seeing' the whole thing in one piece. While he benefits from breaking up tasks into smaller units, if he hasn't seen some visualisation of the whole task or topic at some stage then he really struggles. But let him see the whole thing and if he is receptive (as he generally is now he's older) then he stows it away in his brain with lightning speed. He reads books fast (factual books) and watches movies with subtitles, to help him understand them better (his hearing is perfect). What he sees and reads, he remembers almost perfectly. Oh, and I had meant to say, on the topic of your son deliberately misunderstanding dyspraxic as "spastic" - we don't use the term 'spastic' these days, the term is cerebral palsy. And it generally is a purely physical condition, some CP people could even give him a run for his money, in terms of mental ability. It sounds like he is deliberately misunderstanding to be aggressive on the topic, to demonstrate his anger. And at some level, he IS angry because life just isn't fair. People are mean to him, people don't give him a fair go, he just wants to be allowed to do things his way and doesn't understand why he has to fit in, especially when it's so difficult. It will take time, and maybe counselling would be good (if you can find a door to kick down) but he has to get some understanding of and control of his anger, it is doing him damage in a number of ways. Again, "Explosive Child" could help there, too, if you can give it a go and get family to work with you on it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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