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General Parenting
New therapist - what to expect?
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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 482699" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>Jules - you are correct. The answer does not lie in <em>words.</em> It lies in action.</p><p></p><p>Its hard to wrap your brain around, but you have to choose specific actions and activities that are there to build/rebuild the relationship... and relationship-building time cannot be taken away as punishment... in fact, the activity planned can't be taken away as punishment for anything, either... but it can be changed if current-state makes that activity unsafe.</p><p></p><p>Just like a child learns to walk long before they learn the word "walk"... a child learns the feelings and emotions of attachment long before they understand the language that goes with it. So, trying to use the language of attachment and relationships doesn't work unless they already know what it means to be attached.</p><p></p><p>Small example: It doesn't matter how good or how bad the day has been... difficult child ends the day with a back-rub. Its part of our day that is non-negotiable (unless he and husband take a trip...). Its a soothing form of physical touch, releases a bit of stress (good or bad...), is something to look forward to - and its directly attached to a parent (me). Its not about ONE thing like this - its about building these into the daily and weekly routines. That's just the tip of the iceberg... but something to think about, maybe.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 482699, member: 11791"] Jules - you are correct. The answer does not lie in [I]words.[/I] It lies in action. Its hard to wrap your brain around, but you have to choose specific actions and activities that are there to build/rebuild the relationship... and relationship-building time cannot be taken away as punishment... in fact, the activity planned can't be taken away as punishment for anything, either... but it can be changed if current-state makes that activity unsafe. Just like a child learns to walk long before they learn the word "walk"... a child learns the feelings and emotions of attachment long before they understand the language that goes with it. So, trying to use the language of attachment and relationships doesn't work unless they already know what it means to be attached. Small example: It doesn't matter how good or how bad the day has been... difficult child ends the day with a back-rub. Its part of our day that is non-negotiable (unless he and husband take a trip...). Its a soothing form of physical touch, releases a bit of stress (good or bad...), is something to look forward to - and its directly attached to a parent (me). Its not about ONE thing like this - its about building these into the daily and weekly routines. That's just the tip of the iceberg... but something to think about, maybe. [/QUOTE]
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New therapist - what to expect?
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