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New to Group - Kicked out our 19 year old son (only child) today
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 556756" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hello BKS, welcome to our little corner of the world. I'm sorry you had to be looking for us, but happy you found us. As you've read, many here have experienced many of the same issues and problems with our difficult child's (what we call our challenging kids, <em>"gifts from God"</em>) Many of us have had to set strong boundaries with them and when they won't respect those boundaries, we've had to learn to detach from their behaviors, sometimes to detach from them and learn to accept a lot that we never imagined we'd be accepting. I don't mean accepting their bad and negative behaviors, I mean, accepting that our kids may not meet the expectations we had for them, may not be the adults we anticipated having, we may not have the relationships with them we hoped for, we may not have any relationship with them at all. </p><p></p><p>From my own experience, I can tell you that this is a process, different for all of us, and yet oddly similar as well. We do what we feel is right, for as long as we can, we help and try to distinguish between helping and enabling, we let go and fear for their safety, we hold on and become angry, it seems to be a series of pulling them in and pushing them away as we all learn the new landscape of their adulthood, their possible addiction issues, how to detach and how to accept. And, it's very different from the usual parental/child trajectory, so often there isn't much support "out there." So, we as parents can feel mighty alone and afraid, filled with guilt and sorrow, resentments, angers, conflicting emotions and probably a hundred feelings I've left out.</p><p></p><p>You've made a difficult choice in putting your son out of your home. For me, it helped considerably to get a lot of support as I made my way through this new territory, it has a lot of emotional mine fields that can creep up on you suddenly. I would suggest counseling, groups, like 12 step groups, any avenues you can find where you get support as parents and have a way to express how you're feeling and also to learn about drugs, alcohol and detachment. There are many here who are more familiar with substance abuse who will be along to support you. I wanted to welcome you and tell you that you're not alone, most if not all of us here know exactly how you feel. We've been there, done that and have survived and have stories to tell. Hang in there, keep posting, keep reading and let us know how you're doing. ((((HUGS)))) from one Warrior Mom to another..............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 556756, member: 13542"] Hello BKS, welcome to our little corner of the world. I'm sorry you had to be looking for us, but happy you found us. As you've read, many here have experienced many of the same issues and problems with our difficult child's (what we call our challenging kids, [I]"gifts from God"[/I]) Many of us have had to set strong boundaries with them and when they won't respect those boundaries, we've had to learn to detach from their behaviors, sometimes to detach from them and learn to accept a lot that we never imagined we'd be accepting. I don't mean accepting their bad and negative behaviors, I mean, accepting that our kids may not meet the expectations we had for them, may not be the adults we anticipated having, we may not have the relationships with them we hoped for, we may not have any relationship with them at all. From my own experience, I can tell you that this is a process, different for all of us, and yet oddly similar as well. We do what we feel is right, for as long as we can, we help and try to distinguish between helping and enabling, we let go and fear for their safety, we hold on and become angry, it seems to be a series of pulling them in and pushing them away as we all learn the new landscape of their adulthood, their possible addiction issues, how to detach and how to accept. And, it's very different from the usual parental/child trajectory, so often there isn't much support "out there." So, we as parents can feel mighty alone and afraid, filled with guilt and sorrow, resentments, angers, conflicting emotions and probably a hundred feelings I've left out. You've made a difficult choice in putting your son out of your home. For me, it helped considerably to get a lot of support as I made my way through this new territory, it has a lot of emotional mine fields that can creep up on you suddenly. I would suggest counseling, groups, like 12 step groups, any avenues you can find where you get support as parents and have a way to express how you're feeling and also to learn about drugs, alcohol and detachment. There are many here who are more familiar with substance abuse who will be along to support you. I wanted to welcome you and tell you that you're not alone, most if not all of us here know exactly how you feel. We've been there, done that and have survived and have stories to tell. Hang in there, keep posting, keep reading and let us know how you're doing. ((((HUGS)))) from one Warrior Mom to another.............. [/QUOTE]
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New to Group - Kicked out our 19 year old son (only child) today
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