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New to Group - Kicked out our 19 year old son (only child) today
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 556831"><p>Hi BKS,</p><p></p><p>Welcome. I am another one whose story is very similar.... and I echo Nancy on checking on the substance abuse forum, there are several of us over there whose stories are very similar. I wish I could tell you there is an easy answer, if you just do x, y and z all will be better. I have come to see I have no answers... we have done everything to help my son, given him plenty of opportunities at many rehabs and he continues to make his own poor choices in spite of us. He is now across the country, living somehow on his own. I really dont have any idea what he is doing or who he is with or how he is eating or getting money. We are not giving him anything at the moment. He just turned 21 this week. We also have given him a good home, good schools, plenty of opportunities and still he is who he is. We have a 17 year old daughter who is doing great, which helps remind me that he is the way he is just because.... it is not due to some mistake or fault of mine. It just is.</p><p></p><p>I have come to the point where I realize there really is nothing more I can do. We have given him a contact near where he is but it is up to him to follow up and he has not. We let him know we love him and at this point we are not critisizing his choices, or even analyzing them, or even asking him a whole lot of questions. His life is his own and he has to choose how to live it. What we do do, is let him know we love him, that we are thinking about him, that he can call us collect.. We in fact did send him another phone (he lost his other one) to our friend/contact out there but he has not picked it up. If he chooses to go into treatment again we may help support that but it will depend on a lot of things... at this point we are not willing to spend much more money on treatment... he has got to really want it and work on it. It can no longer just be a way for him to get out of the cold. </p><p></p><p>It was a long process to get to this place, and we all go through that in different ways. You have however found a place where we really understand and you are not alone.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 556831"] Hi BKS, Welcome. I am another one whose story is very similar.... and I echo Nancy on checking on the substance abuse forum, there are several of us over there whose stories are very similar. I wish I could tell you there is an easy answer, if you just do x, y and z all will be better. I have come to see I have no answers... we have done everything to help my son, given him plenty of opportunities at many rehabs and he continues to make his own poor choices in spite of us. He is now across the country, living somehow on his own. I really dont have any idea what he is doing or who he is with or how he is eating or getting money. We are not giving him anything at the moment. He just turned 21 this week. We also have given him a good home, good schools, plenty of opportunities and still he is who he is. We have a 17 year old daughter who is doing great, which helps remind me that he is the way he is just because.... it is not due to some mistake or fault of mine. It just is. I have come to the point where I realize there really is nothing more I can do. We have given him a contact near where he is but it is up to him to follow up and he has not. We let him know we love him and at this point we are not critisizing his choices, or even analyzing them, or even asking him a whole lot of questions. His life is his own and he has to choose how to live it. What we do do, is let him know we love him, that we are thinking about him, that he can call us collect.. We in fact did send him another phone (he lost his other one) to our friend/contact out there but he has not picked it up. If he chooses to go into treatment again we may help support that but it will depend on a lot of things... at this point we are not willing to spend much more money on treatment... he has got to really want it and work on it. It can no longer just be a way for him to get out of the cold. It was a long process to get to this place, and we all go through that in different ways. You have however found a place where we really understand and you are not alone. TL [/QUOTE]
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