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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 139850" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Debbie, your daughter sounds a lot like mine, except mine didn't go the drugs/alcohol/sex route and that was sheer luck -- I'd drilled it into her since the day I got her that she was genetically disposed towards alcoholism so she needed to be very careful and she really didn't have any friends in high school. If she's drinking, she's probably using other drugs as well. You might want to consider testing her.</p><p> </p><p>As to the leaving when she can't have her way, that's so much my daughter, so I can totally relate. One thing I did learn over time was not to let my child know how much it hurt and worried me -- this gave her a weapon to use against me and set it up that she left home more often to get her way. After I got smart, it quit working -- the rules were the rules and she had the choice of either following them or not. If not, she knew where the door was.</p><p> </p><p>Most kids today have issues with being 18 -- they want all the privileges of adulthood but none of the responsibilities. Some kids understand what they want isn't waht they're going to get and accept that. Some, like ours, try hard to get what they want at any cost. Sadly, we have to make the price too high for them. For my daughter, it basically took being homeless and living on the streets for a week for her to understand that it really was my house, my rules. She followed them for a year before she forgot that premise. She's moving out at the end of this month. I think she's closer to being ready -- at least this time there are some real plans rather than just flitting from one friend to another until she's run out of options.</p><p> </p><p>You have a disadvantage, though -- yours is still in school. This makes it so much harder because you still have a legal and moral obligation. You're right to have your rules. They're necessary for both of you. She'll fight you tooth and nail, if anything like mine. I wished I could give you some easy, magical answers but I can't. Whether she likes it or not, the rules are a necessary part of her life. Getting her to live by them is difficult, at best. The best I can do is let you know I understand your pain and frustration. I hope your talk goes well.</p><p> </p><p>We'll be here for you through all of this. I wish you the best and hope you all have a peaceful Easter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 139850, member: 3626"] Debbie, your daughter sounds a lot like mine, except mine didn't go the drugs/alcohol/sex route and that was sheer luck -- I'd drilled it into her since the day I got her that she was genetically disposed towards alcoholism so she needed to be very careful and she really didn't have any friends in high school. If she's drinking, she's probably using other drugs as well. You might want to consider testing her. As to the leaving when she can't have her way, that's so much my daughter, so I can totally relate. One thing I did learn over time was not to let my child know how much it hurt and worried me -- this gave her a weapon to use against me and set it up that she left home more often to get her way. After I got smart, it quit working -- the rules were the rules and she had the choice of either following them or not. If not, she knew where the door was. Most kids today have issues with being 18 -- they want all the privileges of adulthood but none of the responsibilities. Some kids understand what they want isn't waht they're going to get and accept that. Some, like ours, try hard to get what they want at any cost. Sadly, we have to make the price too high for them. For my daughter, it basically took being homeless and living on the streets for a week for her to understand that it really was my house, my rules. She followed them for a year before she forgot that premise. She's moving out at the end of this month. I think she's closer to being ready -- at least this time there are some real plans rather than just flitting from one friend to another until she's run out of options. You have a disadvantage, though -- yours is still in school. This makes it so much harder because you still have a legal and moral obligation. You're right to have your rules. They're necessary for both of you. She'll fight you tooth and nail, if anything like mine. I wished I could give you some easy, magical answers but I can't. Whether she likes it or not, the rules are a necessary part of her life. Getting her to live by them is difficult, at best. The best I can do is let you know I understand your pain and frustration. I hope your talk goes well. We'll be here for you through all of this. I wish you the best and hope you all have a peaceful Easter. [/QUOTE]
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