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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 260982" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Amen, Susie. Parental instincts are invaluable. And something to also consider (when your husband says, "Oh yeah? Well MY instincts say there's nothing wrong!") is to also remember that the ones who love the most are often the ones most in denial. It is so very hard to even consider (especially after a really rough time) that there could still be a problem.</p><p></p><p>My sister insisted her younger son was fine. I worried about him, so did my mother and another sister who was living with us. Picture two households next door to one another. My mother and sister B with sister B's new baby in one household; sister A next door. Sister A doing it tough. Me, I shuttled between both households while living with my mother and babysitting for sister A.</p><p></p><p>Sister A had a strong vested interest to insist there was nothing wrong, she HAFD to prove mum and sister B to be wrong because she felt too much like a loser already. But while they all stubbornly argued about it, nothing was being done to help the boy. So I went to sister A and said, "I love you, I love your kids. But I'm worried about your boy." At first she screamed at me that I was just a messenger, I made it clear I wasn't and finally said, "I want to be wrong. Whatever mum and sister B want, underneath it all I'm sure they would be very glad to be wrong, as well. But I understand that you even admitting to getting an opinion would give them room to crow over you, so let's make the appointment in secret, I'll babysit for you while you take him and I won't say a word as to where you've gone or why. Just organise it with the GP, get the referral and see what they say. If the lad gets a clean bill of health, you can keep quiet about it and then next time mum and sister B mention it, shove the report in their faces and enjoy every second. But you can't do that unless you get that opinion. And le'Tourette's Syndrome pray I'm wrong."</p><p></p><p>She did it. But I think once she began the process she realised how important it was to KNOW, and I suspect the GP said to her, "At last! I'm glad you're getting this checked out."</p><p>She told mum and sister B about the appointment and I think mum went with her. End result - a diagnosis of sorts, explained by his previously-known episodes of apnoea and hypoxia after birth. My sister remembered finding him a couple of times in the hospital nursery, blue and not breathing. The biggest worry (possible hypothyroid) was thankfully quickly ruled out. </p><p></p><p>For my sister, it was easier to continue to deny than to face (and have to put in train) the process of identifying a lack of perfection in her son. But once she began the process, it was easier to share her worries and to cry about it, and to then help her son overcome the problems that were identified.</p><p></p><p>Now from 35 years later, I can see the likelihood that he has some Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or something similar. He has never married (I think he is afraid of relationships in general) and is a loner. I haven't seen him for some years, I miss him. But when we have seen him, I have enjoyed long conversations with him about very in-depth topics. He's a deep thinker with strong ideas. He's very close to his mother, lives near her and visits her often. Physically, a perfect specimen, incredibly strong without even having to work at it. Almost a clich&#233;. But life hasn't been easy. Maybe these days it would have been better. I can only hope.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 260982, member: 1991"] Amen, Susie. Parental instincts are invaluable. And something to also consider (when your husband says, "Oh yeah? Well MY instincts say there's nothing wrong!") is to also remember that the ones who love the most are often the ones most in denial. It is so very hard to even consider (especially after a really rough time) that there could still be a problem. My sister insisted her younger son was fine. I worried about him, so did my mother and another sister who was living with us. Picture two households next door to one another. My mother and sister B with sister B's new baby in one household; sister A next door. Sister A doing it tough. Me, I shuttled between both households while living with my mother and babysitting for sister A. Sister A had a strong vested interest to insist there was nothing wrong, she HAFD to prove mum and sister B to be wrong because she felt too much like a loser already. But while they all stubbornly argued about it, nothing was being done to help the boy. So I went to sister A and said, "I love you, I love your kids. But I'm worried about your boy." At first she screamed at me that I was just a messenger, I made it clear I wasn't and finally said, "I want to be wrong. Whatever mum and sister B want, underneath it all I'm sure they would be very glad to be wrong, as well. But I understand that you even admitting to getting an opinion would give them room to crow over you, so let's make the appointment in secret, I'll babysit for you while you take him and I won't say a word as to where you've gone or why. Just organise it with the GP, get the referral and see what they say. If the lad gets a clean bill of health, you can keep quiet about it and then next time mum and sister B mention it, shove the report in their faces and enjoy every second. But you can't do that unless you get that opinion. And le'Tourette's Syndrome pray I'm wrong." She did it. But I think once she began the process she realised how important it was to KNOW, and I suspect the GP said to her, "At last! I'm glad you're getting this checked out." She told mum and sister B about the appointment and I think mum went with her. End result - a diagnosis of sorts, explained by his previously-known episodes of apnoea and hypoxia after birth. My sister remembered finding him a couple of times in the hospital nursery, blue and not breathing. The biggest worry (possible hypothyroid) was thankfully quickly ruled out. For my sister, it was easier to continue to deny than to face (and have to put in train) the process of identifying a lack of perfection in her son. But once she began the process, it was easier to share her worries and to cry about it, and to then help her son overcome the problems that were identified. Now from 35 years later, I can see the likelihood that he has some Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or something similar. He has never married (I think he is afraid of relationships in general) and is a loner. I haven't seen him for some years, I miss him. But when we have seen him, I have enjoyed long conversations with him about very in-depth topics. He's a deep thinker with strong ideas. He's very close to his mother, lives near her and visits her often. Physically, a perfect specimen, incredibly strong without even having to work at it. Almost a cliché. But life hasn't been easy. Maybe these days it would have been better. I can only hope. Marg [/QUOTE]
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