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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 28938" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p><strong>TYLERFAN</strong>: He's 17, but has another year of school to go. Technically, he could graduate mid-term from the alternative school, but wants to go back to his original school for final semester. Why? to "hang out and graduate with his (stoner) friends". That's a bad place for him, but I can't seem to talk him out of it, and he'll be 18 by then. He's pretty smart when he wants to be, and could start junior college in the spring. But that's not his plan (he doesn't even <strong>have</strong> a plan).</p><p></p><p>He's really smart, but instead of using his brain he chooses to fully embrace the 'stoner' persona, even though it isn't who he truly is. We've only tried one intervention (two days ago, with his therapist), and it ended up with him bailing out of the session when the topic of what we (the "rents") were doing wrong and moved to what "his" issues were. The goal of the session was to try and find common ground where we could both get some or most of what we want. Didn't work for him, he reflexed, and our easy child morphed back into his difficult child persona. Session over.</p><p></p><p>He had friends - "good" ones, but they slowly faded away and have been replaced by a group of stoners who are simply biding their time in school (when they actually go) until they graduate. What they hope to do afterwards is anyones guess, but that's their plan, such as it is. Maybe I'm a deluded parent, but I really don't think my difficult child is a natural part of that crowd, but has sought them out and fights like heck to stay there for some reason. Wish I knew what it was. Funny, since when he's in easy child mode, he looks down on all the people he hangs with, and sometimes shows regret for some of the good things he's let go of in his life. </p><p></p><p>His only "normal" friend is his girlfriend; textbook easy child - straight A's, all AP classes, no drugs/booze/partying (other than lots of sex with difficult child 1), plans to go to MIT as a Chem Engineer. Not sure what she sees in him, but glad she's around because she's the only <strong>positive</strong> member of his crew, even if she is a "co-dependant enabler" (or so says his therapist). </p><p></p><p>He tried to break up with her a few weeks ago, and told me that "it wouldn't work; he's just a stoner loser, and she's a straight-A easy child". Two days later, he was staring death in the face from a severe asthma attack, and all he wanted was her. He's since said that the "other" girls are either pretty and brainless (lots of those, since parents start grooming their daughters as trophy brides from an early age here), or they're "party girls" with worse drug problems than his own. Is going to try to get back with his ex, which is probably a good thing.</p><p></p><p>There's a book I'm reading right now, "Before it's too late", and there's a chapter on symptoms called "There's only one way - my way". Right now, that's where we're at. I did have a teacher tell me something, though, that seems to make sense. Pot may be the "lesser" drug when it comes to physical damage, but it retards the emotional growth of the person using it. During a particularly bad time last year, the teacher told us we were dealing with someone who was 17, nearly into his legal majority, but was a mental 13yo. How true, but it sure limits what we can do. Push too hard, and when he's 18 (physcially) he'll move out on his own. As an emotional 13yo, that's a recipe for disaster.</p><p></p><p>Guess that's our cross to bear. Serenity prayer, here I come..</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 28938, member: 3579"] [b]TYLERFAN[/b]: He's 17, but has another year of school to go. Technically, he could graduate mid-term from the alternative school, but wants to go back to his original school for final semester. Why? to "hang out and graduate with his (stoner) friends". That's a bad place for him, but I can't seem to talk him out of it, and he'll be 18 by then. He's pretty smart when he wants to be, and could start junior college in the spring. But that's not his plan (he doesn't even [b]have[/b] a plan). He's really smart, but instead of using his brain he chooses to fully embrace the 'stoner' persona, even though it isn't who he truly is. We've only tried one intervention (two days ago, with his therapist), and it ended up with him bailing out of the session when the topic of what we (the "rents") were doing wrong and moved to what "his" issues were. The goal of the session was to try and find common ground where we could both get some or most of what we want. Didn't work for him, he reflexed, and our easy child morphed back into his difficult child persona. Session over. He had friends - "good" ones, but they slowly faded away and have been replaced by a group of stoners who are simply biding their time in school (when they actually go) until they graduate. What they hope to do afterwards is anyones guess, but that's their plan, such as it is. Maybe I'm a deluded parent, but I really don't think my difficult child is a natural part of that crowd, but has sought them out and fights like heck to stay there for some reason. Wish I knew what it was. Funny, since when he's in easy child mode, he looks down on all the people he hangs with, and sometimes shows regret for some of the good things he's let go of in his life. His only "normal" friend is his girlfriend; textbook easy child - straight A's, all AP classes, no drugs/booze/partying (other than lots of sex with difficult child 1), plans to go to MIT as a Chem Engineer. Not sure what she sees in him, but glad she's around because she's the only [b]positive[/b] member of his crew, even if she is a "co-dependant enabler" (or so says his therapist). He tried to break up with her a few weeks ago, and told me that "it wouldn't work; he's just a stoner loser, and she's a straight-A easy child". Two days later, he was staring death in the face from a severe asthma attack, and all he wanted was her. He's since said that the "other" girls are either pretty and brainless (lots of those, since parents start grooming their daughters as trophy brides from an early age here), or they're "party girls" with worse drug problems than his own. Is going to try to get back with his ex, which is probably a good thing. There's a book I'm reading right now, "Before it's too late", and there's a chapter on symptoms called "There's only one way - my way". Right now, that's where we're at. I did have a teacher tell me something, though, that seems to make sense. Pot may be the "lesser" drug when it comes to physical damage, but it retards the emotional growth of the person using it. During a particularly bad time last year, the teacher told us we were dealing with someone who was 17, nearly into his legal majority, but was a mental 13yo. How true, but it sure limits what we can do. Push too hard, and when he's 18 (physcially) he'll move out on his own. As an emotional 13yo, that's a recipe for disaster. Guess that's our cross to bear. Serenity prayer, here I come.. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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