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New Year New Attitude
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 706245" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Jodie, so glad to hear your focus is right now on you. I know car problems and spending money on car problems is particularly annoying and frustrating, but the progress here is that your focus is on you and not on your grown children and their issues. And you are so right, thinking about others and their needs is the best way to get ourselves off our own selves.</p><p></p><p>On Saturday, I found myself getting too involved with Difficult Child's efforts to find a new place to live. I got invested in the outcome and when he didn't see it my way, I got resentful. That was a good wakeup call to me, and a strong reminder about boundaries. Even now, that he is doing so much better, there is always something to learn about how involved to get with him (and everybody else of course). What is help? What is going too far? What is enabling? What is manipulating and controlling and trying to fix? I wonder if I will ever be cured of the slide from helping to wanting to manage.</p><p></p><p>At one point he said to me: Mom, you aren't listening. You're just telling me what to do. </p><p></p><p>He was so right. I thought his thinking was all backward, but you know what, it's HIS thinking and his life and his challenge, not mine. I was a little miffed at the time but after thinking about it, I realized I had gone too far (once again) with my "helping." Providing ideas and contacts is one thing. Expecting him to make the decision I think is best is another thing.</p><p></p><p>This process of learning never ends, Jodie. I'm glad you're on the path with us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 706245, member: 17542"] Hi Jodie, so glad to hear your focus is right now on you. I know car problems and spending money on car problems is particularly annoying and frustrating, but the progress here is that your focus is on you and not on your grown children and their issues. And you are so right, thinking about others and their needs is the best way to get ourselves off our own selves. On Saturday, I found myself getting too involved with Difficult Child's efforts to find a new place to live. I got invested in the outcome and when he didn't see it my way, I got resentful. That was a good wakeup call to me, and a strong reminder about boundaries. Even now, that he is doing so much better, there is always something to learn about how involved to get with him (and everybody else of course). What is help? What is going too far? What is enabling? What is manipulating and controlling and trying to fix? I wonder if I will ever be cured of the slide from helping to wanting to manage. At one point he said to me: Mom, you aren't listening. You're just telling me what to do. He was so right. I thought his thinking was all backward, but you know what, it's HIS thinking and his life and his challenge, not mine. I was a little miffed at the time but after thinking about it, I realized I had gone too far (once again) with my "helping." Providing ideas and contacts is one thing. Expecting him to make the decision I think is best is another thing. This process of learning never ends, Jodie. I'm glad you're on the path with us. [/QUOTE]
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