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Substance Abuse
Newbie...desperate mom with 20 yo addict...court tomorrow
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 578465" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>So he broke the law, got a punishment of more costly car insurance, and you are paying for it? Sounds like something I would have done in the past. I hate to state the obvious but you are rewarding him for bad behavior. If he doesn't end up in rehab or jail (or even if he does), tell him you are done paying for his mistakes and as of today you will no longer be paying his car insurance. He can get a job and pay for it himself or drive without insurance and end up with whatever consequences that may bring.</p><p></p><p>He can only treat you like you let him treat you. He screams at you, curses at you, and makes you feel physically threatened and then you turn around and pay his high cost insurance (not to mention food, cell phone, etc.)? Believe me . . . I know how hard it is to change enabling behavior but you are not doing him any favors letting him treat you or any future women in his life like that.</p><p></p><p>What helped me in the past is to step back and ask myself what advice I would give to someone else describing the situation to me. It wouldn't be to put up with the abuse and reward him for bad behavior, would it?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Zardo is right. Call the police and get documentation every time he gets out of control . . . and that includes screaming and cursing at you. There may come a time when you are going to have to get a temporary protection order against your son (been there done that) and you will need to show a judge that you feel that you are in danger. Being able to show records of calls to the police will be useful in that situation. Again, you can't change his behavior but you can change your reaction to it.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 578465, member: 1967"] So he broke the law, got a punishment of more costly car insurance, and you are paying for it? Sounds like something I would have done in the past. I hate to state the obvious but you are rewarding him for bad behavior. If he doesn't end up in rehab or jail (or even if he does), tell him you are done paying for his mistakes and as of today you will no longer be paying his car insurance. He can get a job and pay for it himself or drive without insurance and end up with whatever consequences that may bring. He can only treat you like you let him treat you. He screams at you, curses at you, and makes you feel physically threatened and then you turn around and pay his high cost insurance (not to mention food, cell phone, etc.)? Believe me . . . I know how hard it is to change enabling behavior but you are not doing him any favors letting him treat you or any future women in his life like that. What helped me in the past is to step back and ask myself what advice I would give to someone else describing the situation to me. It wouldn't be to put up with the abuse and reward him for bad behavior, would it? Zardo is right. Call the police and get documentation every time he gets out of control . . . and that includes screaming and cursing at you. There may come a time when you are going to have to get a temporary protection order against your son (been there done that) and you will need to show a judge that you feel that you are in danger. Being able to show records of calls to the police will be useful in that situation. Again, you can't change his behavior but you can change your reaction to it. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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Newbie...desperate mom with 20 yo addict...court tomorrow
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