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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 144122" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hey there! Welcome to the family! </p><p> </p><p>You know in reading your post it brought up a lot of "Uh huh's" that I personally had to endure and still do with my son. I guess the statement that always got to me the most was - </p><p> </p><p>"He can do it, he just chooses not to." </p><p>~followed by...</p><p>"NOTHING sinks in- not even natural consequences or tough love." </p><p>~then to hear</p><p>"What is his psycho-bat analysis telling us? He's ADHD, CD, emerging BiPolar (BP)."</p><p> </p><p>Don't you just wish ONE TIME everyone would get on the same page about your son? That is so frustrating and only adds to your stress. </p><p> </p><p>Granted some of our children's behaviors CAN be a choice, but if you NEVER get the tools you need to help you see that you CAN make better choices and DO have the opportunity to learn new coping skills - then how could anyone expect him to change? I think the residential center sounds good, IF he is willing to listen and change. I hope they are as good as everyone tells you. My son has (over the years) been to several. I think now he learned very little while there - but it was tremendously helpful to myself, my health, my DF, my life. I couldn't not handle his rages and outbursts alone. </p><p> </p><p>I had my mind made up after the first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that he would come home CURED - and that was all we did - we sent him, they put him on medications, played with the combinations of medications until he was stable and sent him home. I was overjoyed at first and 2 weeks later it was as if nothing had changed. </p><p> </p><p>And I couldn't keep up with their level of structure. I didn't go to any parenting classes at that time or any family counseling. I just figured if HE went - HE would change and that was NOT the case. It all fell apart very quickly. Yet no one told us when my son went in to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that we should get counseling for US or family therapy for US or extra parenting classes for us. So ask - when you put him in there - WHERE you can take the rest of your family so it's a well rounded experience for all. </p><p> </p><p>Matter of fact my son is currently living in Therapeutic Foster Care. But the last 2 years we have devoted to going to family therapy and parenting classes - did my son change? A little. What actually worked this time? I did. I made sure I got my hands on everything I could about how to not trigger his anger (not to be confused with NOT correcting) but I learned that there are several things I could do to NOT be a door mat. To draw the proverbial line in the sand and have plans A and B in place if he crossed them. </p><p> </p><p>THAT is what made the difference to us. My son - maybe the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s planted seeds that are just now beginning to grow...only time will tell. </p><p> </p><p>Good luck to you come back and post often and keep us updated. Glad you are here. </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 144122, member: 4964"] Hey there! Welcome to the family! You know in reading your post it brought up a lot of "Uh huh's" that I personally had to endure and still do with my son. I guess the statement that always got to me the most was - "He can do it, he just chooses not to." ~followed by... "NOTHING sinks in- not even natural consequences or tough love." ~then to hear "What is his psycho-bat analysis telling us? He's ADHD, CD, emerging BiPolar (BP)." Don't you just wish ONE TIME everyone would get on the same page about your son? That is so frustrating and only adds to your stress. Granted some of our children's behaviors CAN be a choice, but if you NEVER get the tools you need to help you see that you CAN make better choices and DO have the opportunity to learn new coping skills - then how could anyone expect him to change? I think the residential center sounds good, IF he is willing to listen and change. I hope they are as good as everyone tells you. My son has (over the years) been to several. I think now he learned very little while there - but it was tremendously helpful to myself, my health, my DF, my life. I couldn't not handle his rages and outbursts alone. I had my mind made up after the first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that he would come home CURED - and that was all we did - we sent him, they put him on medications, played with the combinations of medications until he was stable and sent him home. I was overjoyed at first and 2 weeks later it was as if nothing had changed. And I couldn't keep up with their level of structure. I didn't go to any parenting classes at that time or any family counseling. I just figured if HE went - HE would change and that was NOT the case. It all fell apart very quickly. Yet no one told us when my son went in to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that we should get counseling for US or family therapy for US or extra parenting classes for us. So ask - when you put him in there - WHERE you can take the rest of your family so it's a well rounded experience for all. Matter of fact my son is currently living in Therapeutic Foster Care. But the last 2 years we have devoted to going to family therapy and parenting classes - did my son change? A little. What actually worked this time? I did. I made sure I got my hands on everything I could about how to not trigger his anger (not to be confused with NOT correcting) but I learned that there are several things I could do to NOT be a door mat. To draw the proverbial line in the sand and have plans A and B in place if he crossed them. THAT is what made the difference to us. My son - maybe the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s planted seeds that are just now beginning to grow...only time will tell. Good luck to you come back and post often and keep us updated. Glad you are here. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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