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Newbie here - long, rambling post
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 642830" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm glad you mostly enjoyed Christmas. We do understand.</p><p></p><p>I've been on this forum for over a decade, and not one difficult child was reported as ever died while not at home. Nobody has ever posted it. Did it ever happen? I don't know. But since I've been here, none have died of being homeless and reported it to us. There is a large, homeless community, tight-knit, full of people who don't like to follow the law and who defy society and they help one another. There are plenty of food pantries, shelters (however many homeless don't like them because there are rules), tent cities which are actually helpful to one another, and the people learn where they can go to for their needs. I've read a few books written by formerly homeless people and it is pretty much the same in the books. Drugs are often involved so, of course, there is a risk...but even if our grown kids live at home, if they take drugs, they are at risk. We can't watch them all the time. They go out when they feel like it. They do what they want to do. They lie. They steal. They abuse us. Sometimes they assault us. And they are still putting themselves in danger by whom they hang around with and what they put into their bodies. </p><p></p><p>It is not within our control to cure them. That has to come from deep witihin them. Sometimes it comes. Sometimes it doesn't. Perhaps it's time for YOU to get some therapy so you can learn coping methods. It helps! Also, you need to remember that you are allowed to have a good life even if your difficult child is out there...somewhere. Normally they don't contact us when they are struggling or they have found a new relationship or they are just angry and punishing us. Nobody would call them mature.</p><p></p><p>So many times we worry so about our disturbed loved one that we inadvertently give less attention to those who are good to us and do not struggle. I think most of us have done that. You have a husband and a lovely daughter and...OMG!!!...you are an ANIMAL lover, like me!!!!! (See my avator). If I could foster in my apartment, I would, but I can only have my two little furry members of my family. I so admire those with hearts for the helpless, such as small children and animals. We could do a whole thread on your fostering animals and I'd be interested <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> </p><p></p><p>I like all dogs, so I'm a big dachshund fan. I have a shirt that says "Stay Calm and Walk the Dog" and the dog on my shirt is a dachshund <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Cute little things. My two dogs are little muttsters and the loves of my life and I have a kitty too who is my sleeping partner. He never sleeps with hubby, just on me. Thank you for being a rescuer.</p><p></p><p>So...do what you love to do and love your son, but try to get help learning to cope with his dysfunction. You didn't cause his problems and you can't cure them. But you do have many blessings in your life and maybe you could focus on those? That's what I do when my son is going through one of his, as I call them, "rough spots."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 642830, member: 1550"] I'm glad you mostly enjoyed Christmas. We do understand. I've been on this forum for over a decade, and not one difficult child was reported as ever died while not at home. Nobody has ever posted it. Did it ever happen? I don't know. But since I've been here, none have died of being homeless and reported it to us. There is a large, homeless community, tight-knit, full of people who don't like to follow the law and who defy society and they help one another. There are plenty of food pantries, shelters (however many homeless don't like them because there are rules), tent cities which are actually helpful to one another, and the people learn where they can go to for their needs. I've read a few books written by formerly homeless people and it is pretty much the same in the books. Drugs are often involved so, of course, there is a risk...but even if our grown kids live at home, if they take drugs, they are at risk. We can't watch them all the time. They go out when they feel like it. They do what they want to do. They lie. They steal. They abuse us. Sometimes they assault us. And they are still putting themselves in danger by whom they hang around with and what they put into their bodies. It is not within our control to cure them. That has to come from deep witihin them. Sometimes it comes. Sometimes it doesn't. Perhaps it's time for YOU to get some therapy so you can learn coping methods. It helps! Also, you need to remember that you are allowed to have a good life even if your difficult child is out there...somewhere. Normally they don't contact us when they are struggling or they have found a new relationship or they are just angry and punishing us. Nobody would call them mature. So many times we worry so about our disturbed loved one that we inadvertently give less attention to those who are good to us and do not struggle. I think most of us have done that. You have a husband and a lovely daughter and...OMG!!!...you are an ANIMAL lover, like me!!!!! (See my avator). If I could foster in my apartment, I would, but I can only have my two little furry members of my family. I so admire those with hearts for the helpless, such as small children and animals. We could do a whole thread on your fostering animals and I'd be interested :) I like all dogs, so I'm a big dachshund fan. I have a shirt that says "Stay Calm and Walk the Dog" and the dog on my shirt is a dachshund :) Cute little things. My two dogs are little muttsters and the loves of my life and I have a kitty too who is my sleeping partner. He never sleeps with hubby, just on me. Thank you for being a rescuer. So...do what you love to do and love your son, but try to get help learning to cope with his dysfunction. You didn't cause his problems and you can't cure them. But you do have many blessings in your life and maybe you could focus on those? That's what I do when my son is going through one of his, as I call them, "rough spots." [/QUOTE]
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