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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 380450" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Thanks for the info on the sperm donor. Enlightening.</p><p></p><p>I do not discount the harm stress can do. I had a sociopathic work colleague who was actively sabotaging me, while I was pregnant with my first two children. When I was pregnant with difficult child 3, I had a quieter time of it, since I had left that job. However, I was volunteering at a charity and there were some personality clashes there. Still, I was under a great deal less stress and spent most of the pregnancy staying home quietly, getting my charity work done from home and via email. If stress were the factor, this baby should have been the one with fewest problems. Instead, he is the most autistic in the family.</p><p></p><p>Your son's condition, whatever it turns out to be, is what it is already. The stress during pregnancy could be a connection, but genetics are just as likely, if not more so. His father's problems could well have a genetic component, although they do not sound very Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) to me. One thing about Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) is that they tend to be honest. However this is a learned response as a rule, because they find it difficult to imagine a scenario sufficiently well to pretend it is true, in order to convince you of their lie. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids therefore tend to be really bad at lying, so they're always getting caught. Over time they realise that honesty (for them) is the best policy. But some of them, especially those who are not called on their lies, will keep trying to lie (and generally not be too good at it). The lies are usually not too detailed, more along the lines of "I didn't do it," or "I am a good person, trust me." In Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) you tend NOT to get the "I don't have my homework because as I was walking to school some aliens in a green flying saucer flew down, jumped out of their spaceship, knocked me to the ground, wrestled my backpack off and stole my homework. They said they needed it to line the cage of their pet woefnaon." For someone with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), this is just too risky a lie. </p><p>Mind you, honesty isn't always the truth. What a kid believes is not necessarily true. "He deliberately knocked me down!" is a common cry from a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid who has a history of being bullied; however, the kid may have just accidentally bumped into him. It comes down to perception.</p><p></p><p>E's dad's cheating, including with poor choices - it still could be consistent with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), but it could also be connected to other conditions. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) people who have never been called on their behaviour but have instead been left to do exactly what they want, can end up making the same poor choices over and over. They do seem, on the surface, to be a bit eccentric but harmless, often with some level of honesty perceived. Usually that honesty is genuine. But a genuine honesty ("I would never hurt you") doesn't mean that the person is going to stick at what they promised. A weak person can blow with the wind and either change their mind, or change direction due to impulse control issues. It could be that H's dad is basically an honest person who makes promises he means, but then forgets or cannot keep. The capacity for self-deception in individuals who cannot keep their promises, is to help them cope by forgetting they ever made any promises. Their conscience can't nag them, if they can't remember if they ever promised anything.</p><p></p><p>You say you suffer from depression - I'm not surprised. Your depression is not necessarily a factor here. More likely a result.</p><p></p><p>One point I want to emphasise with language delay - even after they catch up and seem normal, there are still problems lifelong. The speech dysfluency you noted in E's dad is one manifestation, it is connected to word-fiinding problems purely because when we make mental connections between words and concepts, we are young enough for millions of brain pathways to form. The more pathways, the faster we make mental connections. But language delay means that when the child eventually does learn, the brain is not so malleable and thousands of connections are made instead of millions or billions. For example, difficult child 3 has an amazing vocabulary, but still struggles sometimes to find the right word. Interesting, his sister has word-finding problems even though she had no language delay. She and her little brother also have partial face blindness; she didn't realise she was partially face blind until she was 20. </p><p></p><p>Do keep us posted on how you get on.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 380450, member: 1991"] Thanks for the info on the sperm donor. Enlightening. I do not discount the harm stress can do. I had a sociopathic work colleague who was actively sabotaging me, while I was pregnant with my first two children. When I was pregnant with difficult child 3, I had a quieter time of it, since I had left that job. However, I was volunteering at a charity and there were some personality clashes there. Still, I was under a great deal less stress and spent most of the pregnancy staying home quietly, getting my charity work done from home and via email. If stress were the factor, this baby should have been the one with fewest problems. Instead, he is the most autistic in the family. Your son's condition, whatever it turns out to be, is what it is already. The stress during pregnancy could be a connection, but genetics are just as likely, if not more so. His father's problems could well have a genetic component, although they do not sound very Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) to me. One thing about Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) is that they tend to be honest. However this is a learned response as a rule, because they find it difficult to imagine a scenario sufficiently well to pretend it is true, in order to convince you of their lie. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids therefore tend to be really bad at lying, so they're always getting caught. Over time they realise that honesty (for them) is the best policy. But some of them, especially those who are not called on their lies, will keep trying to lie (and generally not be too good at it). The lies are usually not too detailed, more along the lines of "I didn't do it," or "I am a good person, trust me." In Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) you tend NOT to get the "I don't have my homework because as I was walking to school some aliens in a green flying saucer flew down, jumped out of their spaceship, knocked me to the ground, wrestled my backpack off and stole my homework. They said they needed it to line the cage of their pet woefnaon." For someone with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), this is just too risky a lie. Mind you, honesty isn't always the truth. What a kid believes is not necessarily true. "He deliberately knocked me down!" is a common cry from a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid who has a history of being bullied; however, the kid may have just accidentally bumped into him. It comes down to perception. E's dad's cheating, including with poor choices - it still could be consistent with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), but it could also be connected to other conditions. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) people who have never been called on their behaviour but have instead been left to do exactly what they want, can end up making the same poor choices over and over. They do seem, on the surface, to be a bit eccentric but harmless, often with some level of honesty perceived. Usually that honesty is genuine. But a genuine honesty ("I would never hurt you") doesn't mean that the person is going to stick at what they promised. A weak person can blow with the wind and either change their mind, or change direction due to impulse control issues. It could be that H's dad is basically an honest person who makes promises he means, but then forgets or cannot keep. The capacity for self-deception in individuals who cannot keep their promises, is to help them cope by forgetting they ever made any promises. Their conscience can't nag them, if they can't remember if they ever promised anything. You say you suffer from depression - I'm not surprised. Your depression is not necessarily a factor here. More likely a result. One point I want to emphasise with language delay - even after they catch up and seem normal, there are still problems lifelong. The speech dysfluency you noted in E's dad is one manifestation, it is connected to word-fiinding problems purely because when we make mental connections between words and concepts, we are young enough for millions of brain pathways to form. The more pathways, the faster we make mental connections. But language delay means that when the child eventually does learn, the brain is not so malleable and thousands of connections are made instead of millions or billions. For example, difficult child 3 has an amazing vocabulary, but still struggles sometimes to find the right word. Interesting, his sister has word-finding problems even though she had no language delay. She and her little brother also have partial face blindness; she didn't realise she was partially face blind until she was 20. Do keep us posted on how you get on. Marg [/QUOTE]
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