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<blockquote data-quote="Bluemoon" data-source="post: 380539"><p>Thank you, Margurite.</p><p> </p><p>I felt inappropriate spelling out the circumstances regarding E's Dad and events during my pregancy...I do not want this to turn into a rant about my personal life...but I also want to be completely honest about anything that has or even could have effected my son. The history is therefore relevant in terms of diagnostics, but yes, I know that what it is, is what it is now.</p><p>I did go through an awful period personally, emotionally, when reading about the genetic links as well as the environmental contributors to ODD and other disorders, but to dwell on what cannot be changed and wallow in guilt over it is simply counterproductive.</p><p>That said, you quite acurately described the kind of lying E's Dad does. He IS an awful liar (though a very good sneak). He doesn't actually tell lies so much, he just gives very vauge answers that can be interpreted lots of ways...sometimes they don't make much sense, but they are never imaginative. Because of his difficulties with speech, there is a tendancy to try to "help" him communicate whatever it is that he is getting at...and when you hit on something that sounds like a good way for him to go, he will agree that THAT was what he was trying to say. This is unbelieveably effective as long as he keeps his activities very compartmentalized and seperate, and he does. Usually he says nothing at all unless you just about pry it out of him. Ahhhhh, hindsight.....</p><p> </p><p>I don't have much new to report about E. We are just in limbo, waiting.</p><p>Our relationship (and my blood pressure) have much improved since I called a cease fire on the homework wars. Of course, this also means no homework gets done, but that's only a little less than got done anyway no matter how hard I tried.</p><p>Two nights ago I got inspired to try to encourage him to <em>want</em> to do it. I mean, I always tried that, but I figured out another way and wasn't already at the end of my rope when I said it, lol. I figured maybe he'd listen this time.</p><p>I told him that I was not going to fight with him over his homework, but that I wanted to be sure he understood something about his choices regarding it. That if he did not do it, and did not get credit for at least completeing it, even if it wasn't perfect, then he was a great risk of being left back in school.</p><p>If he got left back in school, then his only friend would go on ahead to 5th grade without him...and it would be that way forever after. Ira would always be a grade ahead.</p><p>E would be left behind with children he did not know at all. Ira would probably move on to be friends with kids in his own grade and E could lose him as a friend.</p><p> </p><p>It didn't work, but....I tried.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Bluemoon, post: 380539"] Thank you, Margurite. I felt inappropriate spelling out the circumstances regarding E's Dad and events during my pregancy...I do not want this to turn into a rant about my personal life...but I also want to be completely honest about anything that has or even could have effected my son. The history is therefore relevant in terms of diagnostics, but yes, I know that what it is, is what it is now. I did go through an awful period personally, emotionally, when reading about the genetic links as well as the environmental contributors to ODD and other disorders, but to dwell on what cannot be changed and wallow in guilt over it is simply counterproductive. That said, you quite acurately described the kind of lying E's Dad does. He IS an awful liar (though a very good sneak). He doesn't actually tell lies so much, he just gives very vauge answers that can be interpreted lots of ways...sometimes they don't make much sense, but they are never imaginative. Because of his difficulties with speech, there is a tendancy to try to "help" him communicate whatever it is that he is getting at...and when you hit on something that sounds like a good way for him to go, he will agree that THAT was what he was trying to say. This is unbelieveably effective as long as he keeps his activities very compartmentalized and seperate, and he does. Usually he says nothing at all unless you just about pry it out of him. Ahhhhh, hindsight..... I don't have much new to report about E. We are just in limbo, waiting. Our relationship (and my blood pressure) have much improved since I called a cease fire on the homework wars. Of course, this also means no homework gets done, but that's only a little less than got done anyway no matter how hard I tried. Two nights ago I got inspired to try to encourage him to [I]want[/I] to do it. I mean, I always tried that, but I figured out another way and wasn't already at the end of my rope when I said it, lol. I figured maybe he'd listen this time. I told him that I was not going to fight with him over his homework, but that I wanted to be sure he understood something about his choices regarding it. That if he did not do it, and did not get credit for at least completeing it, even if it wasn't perfect, then he was a great risk of being left back in school. If he got left back in school, then his only friend would go on ahead to 5th grade without him...and it would be that way forever after. Ira would always be a grade ahead. E would be left behind with children he did not know at all. Ira would probably move on to be friends with kids in his own grade and E could lose him as a friend. It didn't work, but....I tried. [/QUOTE]
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