Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Newbie here.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 380623" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think this is the best way to put this - from what you describe, E's dad's diagnosis, should he have a diagnosis, would not be inconsistent with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). The language delay would narrow it down further, probably, to high-functioning autism.</p><p>Now this is not necessarily bad news especially if YOU know and can work with E on this. But some changes need to be put in place. And what changes you try for will also depend on how you want to handle this.</p><p></p><p>First - you want to avoid him ending up like his dad, with regard to the truth being rubbery. So encouragement and reason will be good weapons. You're already trying that. Don'y give up if it doesn't seem to work. Sometimes discipline methods don't work, because the child is simply not capable. Such as the homework - it could be simply asking far too much of him, to have to sit down after an already-difficult day at school, to do even more work. It certainly was a huge problem for us. difficult child 3 could work during school hours only. After school, he was mentally exhausted, tired, irritable and needing a break. If he had a day away from school, that is when I got him to do his homework, and he would often get it all done in a matter of minutes.</p><p></p><p>Second - encourage honesty. That means don't punish, if he is honest about something he did wrong. Natural consequences can still hold, however. So if difficult child admits to having eaten the last fifteen biscuits in the jar, then the natural consequences are, I'm not in a rush to make more biscuits. Or if I have to (because company is coming) then difficult child has had his share and should leave them for others first. I also will be not trusting difficult child around the biscuit jar as much and will also be pushing healthy snacks a lot more. It does depend on why he ate the biscuits, and if he makes a habit of it. But honesty above all. Rule-following above all. And this also means, teach him the right rules. A Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-ish kid will quickly work out for himself what the rules really are, and they may not be what the rules are meant to be.</p><p></p><p>Example on rules - difficult child 3 at his old school, was told that bullying was unacceptable. Hitting other kids was wrong. But in reality, difficult child 3 saw kids hitting one another all the time. They hit him a lot. They did not get punished. But if difficult child 3 hit back, he was punished (because he was either dobbed in or was caught). Sometimes he was in trouble for hitting when he hadn't hit anybody. So although the rule officially was, "kids must not hit or they will be punished," the rule became, "Kids can hit difficult child 3 and not get punished. difficult child 3 gets punished anyway, whatever he does, because he is difficult child 3."</p><p>Later when we moved difficult child 3 to a different school (where bullying was strictly forbidden) there was an incident with difficult child 3, thankfully observed by the principal and reported to me. difficult child 3 was jostled as the kids tumbled out of class. A kid said to difficult child 3, "Out of my way, dummy!" </p><p>difficult child 3 did not move but just stood there saying, "Go on. Hit me."</p><p>The other kid, to his credit, fetched the principal (because it seemed to him that the new kid was trying to start a fight).</p><p>It turned out that to difficult child 3 the rule now was, "First they call you names. Then they hit you. And if you put up with it, it will be over soon."</p><p>difficult child 3 had heard the name calling, and was waiting for the next step to be over with.</p><p></p><p>So it is important to help your child learn the real rules in life.</p><p></p><p>ODD is a ghastly label that misleads people badly. It is natural, if you feel resentful of your child's behaviour, to not want to cut him any slack. But your child happens to have problems to an extent where he NEEDS slack. Perhaps the first area is homework. You need to cut back on battles and frankly, if you can, get this one tossed out. The aim of homework is to consolidate learning. He needs to be able to demonstrate that he knows the work. But there may be a better way for him to show what he knows. I was talking to some new kids at difficult child 3's correspondence school yesterday (we had an open day) where all the work is homework! I was telling one boy to discuss with his teacher, a different way to do his maths so he can get through it faster. Our method, worked out with difficult child 3's Maths teacher, is to start the problems with the harder ones only. If he can do the last problem on the set, then he can skip the rest because generally the last one uses all the skills needed for the rest. if he can do the hard one - he's proven he knows it and can move on. Boredom and repetition can be a huge issue, especially of the kid is bright.</p><p></p><p>At difficult child 3's school, there is a great deal of this flexibility. A lot of the students are PCs who are dancers, actors or athletes. But a lot are Aspie, or have some other learning problem. The flexibility gives the best outcomes for student success. ANds tat, surely, is what is should be about?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 380623, member: 1991"] I think this is the best way to put this - from what you describe, E's dad's diagnosis, should he have a diagnosis, would not be inconsistent with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). The language delay would narrow it down further, probably, to high-functioning autism. Now this is not necessarily bad news especially if YOU know and can work with E on this. But some changes need to be put in place. And what changes you try for will also depend on how you want to handle this. First - you want to avoid him ending up like his dad, with regard to the truth being rubbery. So encouragement and reason will be good weapons. You're already trying that. Don'y give up if it doesn't seem to work. Sometimes discipline methods don't work, because the child is simply not capable. Such as the homework - it could be simply asking far too much of him, to have to sit down after an already-difficult day at school, to do even more work. It certainly was a huge problem for us. difficult child 3 could work during school hours only. After school, he was mentally exhausted, tired, irritable and needing a break. If he had a day away from school, that is when I got him to do his homework, and he would often get it all done in a matter of minutes. Second - encourage honesty. That means don't punish, if he is honest about something he did wrong. Natural consequences can still hold, however. So if difficult child admits to having eaten the last fifteen biscuits in the jar, then the natural consequences are, I'm not in a rush to make more biscuits. Or if I have to (because company is coming) then difficult child has had his share and should leave them for others first. I also will be not trusting difficult child around the biscuit jar as much and will also be pushing healthy snacks a lot more. It does depend on why he ate the biscuits, and if he makes a habit of it. But honesty above all. Rule-following above all. And this also means, teach him the right rules. A Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-ish kid will quickly work out for himself what the rules really are, and they may not be what the rules are meant to be. Example on rules - difficult child 3 at his old school, was told that bullying was unacceptable. Hitting other kids was wrong. But in reality, difficult child 3 saw kids hitting one another all the time. They hit him a lot. They did not get punished. But if difficult child 3 hit back, he was punished (because he was either dobbed in or was caught). Sometimes he was in trouble for hitting when he hadn't hit anybody. So although the rule officially was, "kids must not hit or they will be punished," the rule became, "Kids can hit difficult child 3 and not get punished. difficult child 3 gets punished anyway, whatever he does, because he is difficult child 3." Later when we moved difficult child 3 to a different school (where bullying was strictly forbidden) there was an incident with difficult child 3, thankfully observed by the principal and reported to me. difficult child 3 was jostled as the kids tumbled out of class. A kid said to difficult child 3, "Out of my way, dummy!" difficult child 3 did not move but just stood there saying, "Go on. Hit me." The other kid, to his credit, fetched the principal (because it seemed to him that the new kid was trying to start a fight). It turned out that to difficult child 3 the rule now was, "First they call you names. Then they hit you. And if you put up with it, it will be over soon." difficult child 3 had heard the name calling, and was waiting for the next step to be over with. So it is important to help your child learn the real rules in life. ODD is a ghastly label that misleads people badly. It is natural, if you feel resentful of your child's behaviour, to not want to cut him any slack. But your child happens to have problems to an extent where he NEEDS slack. Perhaps the first area is homework. You need to cut back on battles and frankly, if you can, get this one tossed out. The aim of homework is to consolidate learning. He needs to be able to demonstrate that he knows the work. But there may be a better way for him to show what he knows. I was talking to some new kids at difficult child 3's correspondence school yesterday (we had an open day) where all the work is homework! I was telling one boy to discuss with his teacher, a different way to do his maths so he can get through it faster. Our method, worked out with difficult child 3's Maths teacher, is to start the problems with the harder ones only. If he can do the last problem on the set, then he can skip the rest because generally the last one uses all the skills needed for the rest. if he can do the hard one - he's proven he knows it and can move on. Boredom and repetition can be a huge issue, especially of the kid is bright. At difficult child 3's school, there is a great deal of this flexibility. A lot of the students are PCs who are dancers, actors or athletes. But a lot are Aspie, or have some other learning problem. The flexibility gives the best outcomes for student success. ANds tat, surely, is what is should be about? Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Newbie here.
Top