Sorry you had to find us but welcome to the board! It truly is a soft place to land and is definately a sanity saver.
My difficult child (now 17) is also ADHD with the addition of BiPolar and ODD and those oh so fun behaviors of destructiveness and sticky fingers. We have had similar situations with him as what you've described that you go through with Ryan. husband and I have now worked our way up to a deadbolt on our bedroom door so we have at least one place in the house that he can't get into. (He ignored rules about personal space and broke in after we got a key lock door knob) What I will suggest for you to do to help prevent the stealing and destructiveness will seem drastic, inconvenient/unfair to all in the household but at times it's necessary to prevent the disappearance and destruction of belongings. Basically, lock up everything that's not nailed down. High shelves just don't cut it as you already know. If that means putting a deadbolt on your bedroom door (hinges are on the other side so not accessible by screwdriver) and/or getting a safe, do it. We have also considered and probably will once I get a full time job, getting a storage unit to keep everything that's not used on a daily basis. It's a rotten way to live but if you want to keep your things safe......you've got to do something. I personally am not able to keep any toiletries in the bathroom as difficult child will use inappropriately/play in/destroy my things. My curling irons are now trashed as he cut the cords off to "make things". Make what? I have absolutely no idea but he thought he could use the cords so he just cut them off with no regard to them belonging to someone else. Actually he doesn't have much regard for anyone's belongings including his own. He will claim that something or other of his means something to him but eventually it goes the way of the do-do, usually in pieces. He's been this way since we got him as a foster child at age 9 (adopted at age 10) and according to stories we later heard, since a very young age. I won't go down the list of things that have been lost to him over the years. It's waaaaaaay too long and just makes me mad all over again thinking about it all. Depending on what peaks Ryan's interest, you may have to keep the other kids things locked up when they aren't using them also to keep him from taking it. It's not fair to them but at the same time, neither is having R take their stuff. Like I said, it's a rotten way to live (trust me, I know) but sometimes necessary. We also instituted a rule for difficult child that if it's not his, don't touch it period. It doesn't always work of course but at least the rule is in place and he's aware of it. We also have had to stay with him at other's houses (not quite as much now that he's older) because we discovered that once he feels comfy at someone's house and likes them, he displays his affection for them by ripping them off. :hammer: Oh, one other thing we've run into that could be an issue for you if it's not already. difficult child is still to this day, coming home from friend's houses with "stuff". Usually the claim is that he traded something for it (gotta watch that he doesn't trade our stuff) or that so and so told him he could have it. Sometimes that is true although the other parents aren't always aware of the trade and sometimes are not happy about it. Other times, the stuff was brought home on the condition (by the friend) that difficult child is just to borrow it but he will conveniently forget that part. One instance of this is that difficult child had some of his friends comic books (just in the past few months). He swore up and down that they were given to him but in actuality they were loaned to him. He wound up giving some of them to my nephew and we had to get them back.
From the way you describe Ryan's behavior, I would definately get him evaluated. He sounds very similar to my difficult child when we first got him before we got the BiPolar (BP) diagnosis. I'm not saying he's got BiPolar (BP) but it definately sounds like there is more going on than what's already being treated. Also, if there is and he's not on the right medications, it can make things worse. Therapy and/or counseling is also a biggie.
I'm sorry if this sounds discouraging in a way but with a child who likes to "collect" things, you have to do things you wouldn't normally do. (Sorry this is so long also) I didn't really have advice for the other situations you mentioned, but this one.......I've got just a bit of experience. Feel freem to PM me if you want.
Welcome again to the board. You will find so much support and advice here.
