Welcome Kuligara
I am so sorry you are going through all of this. It sounds like you are an amazingly dedicated Mom as well as StepMom and your children are fortunate to have you.
I hope you will forgive me - but I am gonna go out on a limb here with a couple of suggestions.
First of all - I would get Ryan hospitalized as soon as possible. He sounds like he needs to be stabilized immediately. While he was there he could get the intensive testing he needs, some medications that might work better than the ones he is on, and some intensive therapy that might give you some more clues as to what is going on with him.
Second of all - your SO other might be correct in having the families separate for awhile. As much as you need each other, it might be in the best interest of the children to live in separate houses for a bit. This especially might benefit Zach and Ryan - because they would have undivided attention from their parents. Your SO might be able to really focus in on only Ryan for a bit, go to counseling with him, spend one on one time with him, and really focus all of his energy on trying to break him out of the self destructive cycle he is in.
Whatever you choose, you have found a great forum, where everyone is caring and supportive. Hang in there.... and know that you do not hike this trek alone.
