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<blockquote data-quote="HeidiO" data-source="post: 124018" data-attributes="member: 4627"><p>Thank you for your kind words, and sharing those stories: there is just no cookie cutter out there that our children are from, I realize that. I also know each one of my children is a different soul, with different desires and dreams. Also, each one reacts differently with the same love, attention, and discipline. </p><p>Since my last post, and further research I am convinced my difficult child is definitely affected with Borderline (BPD). She was in the process of pysch. testing last year, when her therapist had emergency gall bladder surgery and then the school year ended...(she was the MH counselor thru the school)'</p><p>Due to some positive changes in difficult child's life, ie" the new b/f who seems promising still but definitely is not a easy child himself, we didn't pursue continuing testing over the summer. When the school year started, I contacted the MH counselor, she had priority cases that were life threatening and couldn't pick up difficult child K's case again, yet. It is now February, and I've left several msg's and none are returned.</p><p>Problem being now difficult child's 18, doesn't think she needs any testing let alone therapy...we are the evil ones who have the problem.</p><p>Now a new note: difficult child had the nerve to email me and ask me to lie to b/f parents (that she hasn't been at his apartment the entire last week) because they will stop paying his college tuittion even if she's no longer staying there. Did you get that? She wants me to LIE to another set of parents who have expectations from their son...</p><p>Of course, I responded that I won't lie for her, and the 2 of them will live with the consequences of their actions. The b/f knew the terms of his parents financial support, and bucked the rules anyway. Always, the truth comes out, and I am not willing to be at fault for being dishonest to them.</p><p>Some of you out there reading this may not see why we and the b/f parents are so adamant that they not live together....it's what we believe to be the best for their long term...if they marry, it raises the risk of divorce another 30%, if they even do marry. Those are provable statistics. </p><p>Overall, we need to come to a concensus that both of these 2 need to feel like they can be honest with us, even if we don't agree with their decisions. I am not going to tell the b/f parents how to support their son. That's their choice. However, even though we have very conservative views, and expect our daughter to think through her actions before acting on emotions, we understand that comes with maturity.</p><p>One of my goals is to make sure that she knows NO matter what, that she can be honest with me without fearing reprocussions. Her consequences at this age need to be enough. We have instilled all the values and code for living for her that we can...what she does from now on is her choice.</p><p>Side note" she did get approval from friends parents to stay with them...the stepdad is a retired cop...good...</p><p>They aren't giving her any chances, any of their rules broken, etc, etc, she is out. </p><p>there's so much more, but that's all I have the strength to share for now.</p><p>Thanks again all for your support, thoughts and advice...</p><p>it truly has been a god-send.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HeidiO, post: 124018, member: 4627"] Thank you for your kind words, and sharing those stories: there is just no cookie cutter out there that our children are from, I realize that. I also know each one of my children is a different soul, with different desires and dreams. Also, each one reacts differently with the same love, attention, and discipline. Since my last post, and further research I am convinced my difficult child is definitely affected with Borderline (BPD). She was in the process of pysch. testing last year, when her therapist had emergency gall bladder surgery and then the school year ended...(she was the MH counselor thru the school)' Due to some positive changes in difficult child's life, ie" the new b/f who seems promising still but definitely is not a easy child himself, we didn't pursue continuing testing over the summer. When the school year started, I contacted the MH counselor, she had priority cases that were life threatening and couldn't pick up difficult child K's case again, yet. It is now February, and I've left several msg's and none are returned. Problem being now difficult child's 18, doesn't think she needs any testing let alone therapy...we are the evil ones who have the problem. Now a new note: difficult child had the nerve to email me and ask me to lie to b/f parents (that she hasn't been at his apartment the entire last week) because they will stop paying his college tuittion even if she's no longer staying there. Did you get that? She wants me to LIE to another set of parents who have expectations from their son... Of course, I responded that I won't lie for her, and the 2 of them will live with the consequences of their actions. The b/f knew the terms of his parents financial support, and bucked the rules anyway. Always, the truth comes out, and I am not willing to be at fault for being dishonest to them. Some of you out there reading this may not see why we and the b/f parents are so adamant that they not live together....it's what we believe to be the best for their long term...if they marry, it raises the risk of divorce another 30%, if they even do marry. Those are provable statistics. Overall, we need to come to a concensus that both of these 2 need to feel like they can be honest with us, even if we don't agree with their decisions. I am not going to tell the b/f parents how to support their son. That's their choice. However, even though we have very conservative views, and expect our daughter to think through her actions before acting on emotions, we understand that comes with maturity. One of my goals is to make sure that she knows NO matter what, that she can be honest with me without fearing reprocussions. Her consequences at this age need to be enough. We have instilled all the values and code for living for her that we can...what she does from now on is her choice. Side note" she did get approval from friends parents to stay with them...the stepdad is a retired cop...good... They aren't giving her any chances, any of their rules broken, etc, etc, she is out. there's so much more, but that's all I have the strength to share for now. Thanks again all for your support, thoughts and advice... it truly has been a god-send.:happy: [/QUOTE]
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