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Newbie Oldest with PTSD/ODD
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 415267" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi M2TG, and welcome!</p><p></p><p>First off, I'm in the throes of 13-dom with- my beloved daughter, who was recently diagnosed with- depression. I think that part of the reason you can't do anything right, even when you do what she wants, is *because* she's 13. Honestly - I survived a major difficult child, but this 13-year-old girl may very well do me in. So, basically, I think part of it is just that horrible typical teen (typical teen) syndrome.</p><p></p><p>Manipulation. Yep. My difficult child was a master of it. Some of it was just stone cold messing with- adults' heads. Some of it was due to his very skewed perception of the world and really lousy interpretation of interpersonal behaviors. It makes it really difficult to sort out what really is going on. For example, in your car situation, my son definitely would have interpreted it as someone called *him* crazy. He was the center of the entire universe, everything was about only him, and he took "literal" to new heights. I understand what the therapist is saying and trying to promote, but I think I would just explain, in front of your difficult child, that you did address the issue with- the adult driver and that perhaps difficult child misunderstood. It's probably not going to go over well with- difficult child, but ... you *did* hear her concerns and you *did* address them with an adult who you think is responsible enough to drive her (reliable source), so that's that.</p><p></p><p>My son once came home from school, telling me that the substitute gym teacher hit him. He was utterly consistent in his story, even the next morning as I was driving him to school. I tell you what, I was ready to really raise a ruckus. As we're walking into the school, I gave him one last chance - telling him that I was going to walk in there and accuse this man of hurting him, and he'd better be darn straight on his facts. "Uh, no, Mom, it didn't really happen." ARRRGGGHHH!! I don't know if the payoff for him was watching me spin, or the thought of me ripping this guy's lungs out (figuratively speaking). I don't even remember his excuse - I *do* remember praising him a whole lot for telling the truth (saved me one day of embarrassment anyway, LOL).</p><p></p><p>I think the key is to make sure all adults involved with- your niece are on the same page and communicating well. We were very lucky to probably have more than our fair share of professionals who clued into his manipulation very quickly. There were a few who were totally taken in by it - I found that direct, unemotional discussion of the issue with- the parties involved, with difficult child present, usually got to the bottom of it.</p><p></p><p>Take deep breaths, and hang in there. The girls are lucky to have you in their lives. How's the younger girl doing?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 415267, member: 8"] Hi M2TG, and welcome! First off, I'm in the throes of 13-dom with- my beloved daughter, who was recently diagnosed with- depression. I think that part of the reason you can't do anything right, even when you do what she wants, is *because* she's 13. Honestly - I survived a major difficult child, but this 13-year-old girl may very well do me in. So, basically, I think part of it is just that horrible typical teen (typical teen) syndrome. Manipulation. Yep. My difficult child was a master of it. Some of it was just stone cold messing with- adults' heads. Some of it was due to his very skewed perception of the world and really lousy interpretation of interpersonal behaviors. It makes it really difficult to sort out what really is going on. For example, in your car situation, my son definitely would have interpreted it as someone called *him* crazy. He was the center of the entire universe, everything was about only him, and he took "literal" to new heights. I understand what the therapist is saying and trying to promote, but I think I would just explain, in front of your difficult child, that you did address the issue with- the adult driver and that perhaps difficult child misunderstood. It's probably not going to go over well with- difficult child, but ... you *did* hear her concerns and you *did* address them with an adult who you think is responsible enough to drive her (reliable source), so that's that. My son once came home from school, telling me that the substitute gym teacher hit him. He was utterly consistent in his story, even the next morning as I was driving him to school. I tell you what, I was ready to really raise a ruckus. As we're walking into the school, I gave him one last chance - telling him that I was going to walk in there and accuse this man of hurting him, and he'd better be darn straight on his facts. "Uh, no, Mom, it didn't really happen." ARRRGGGHHH!! I don't know if the payoff for him was watching me spin, or the thought of me ripping this guy's lungs out (figuratively speaking). I don't even remember his excuse - I *do* remember praising him a whole lot for telling the truth (saved me one day of embarrassment anyway, LOL). I think the key is to make sure all adults involved with- your niece are on the same page and communicating well. We were very lucky to probably have more than our fair share of professionals who clued into his manipulation very quickly. There were a few who were totally taken in by it - I found that direct, unemotional discussion of the issue with- the parties involved, with difficult child present, usually got to the bottom of it. Take deep breaths, and hang in there. The girls are lucky to have you in their lives. How's the younger girl doing? [/QUOTE]
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