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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 631227" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Hi RB,</p><p></p><p>It is hard to know what they are thinking and we usually think the worst. It could be it is just easier to travel light, or that he has a place to stay and he wants to make you worry. </p><p></p><p>As far as your other questions.... others may differ on this.... but I am not of the school of thought that you do nothing for them until they get it together, that they need to do it all on their own. I think at age of 18 they are often so clueless and they need guidance from mom.... I know I give my easy child guidance on all sorts of things and she has it together. I dont expect her to just be able to do everything without support.</p><p></p><p>So my stance with my difficult child is that I will help him do things that help himself or help him do the next right thing. So in your case I probably would give him a ride to drug tests or to court, at least initially. I also have bought and might still buy my difficult child clothes or things he needs to get by, and that will include food. Just be aware that they can sell stuff to get money and so you always take that chance with stuff. Also they can trade things like food cards... they learn all kinds of ways to get money....... but for me it was about trying to help him do the right thing, and partly that is because it makes my mommy heart feel better to do that. </p><p></p><p>Some may call that enabling.... to me it is sometimes a fine line between helping and enabling.</p><p></p><p>So I try and do what I feel good about doing and am ok with doing, and not do the things that dont feel ok. Listen to your heart and your gut.</p><p></p><p>Avoid giving him actual cash for anything.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 631227, member: 15801"] Hi RB, It is hard to know what they are thinking and we usually think the worst. It could be it is just easier to travel light, or that he has a place to stay and he wants to make you worry. As far as your other questions.... others may differ on this.... but I am not of the school of thought that you do nothing for them until they get it together, that they need to do it all on their own. I think at age of 18 they are often so clueless and they need guidance from mom.... I know I give my easy child guidance on all sorts of things and she has it together. I dont expect her to just be able to do everything without support. So my stance with my difficult child is that I will help him do things that help himself or help him do the next right thing. So in your case I probably would give him a ride to drug tests or to court, at least initially. I also have bought and might still buy my difficult child clothes or things he needs to get by, and that will include food. Just be aware that they can sell stuff to get money and so you always take that chance with stuff. Also they can trade things like food cards... they learn all kinds of ways to get money....... but for me it was about trying to help him do the right thing, and partly that is because it makes my mommy heart feel better to do that. Some may call that enabling.... to me it is sometimes a fine line between helping and enabling. So I try and do what I feel good about doing and am ok with doing, and not do the things that dont feel ok. Listen to your heart and your gut. Avoid giving him actual cash for anything. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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