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General Parenting
Newbie with 10 yo son with real issues, scared and worried.
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 13093" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>So sorry about your problems!</p><p>I love The Explosive Child. Good ideas.</p><p>My 10-yr-old son is mildly ADHD and ODD, and probably has Asperberger's. His rages perfectly fit the bell curve in one of the books I have. Turns out I was provoking him as much as he was provoking me... even my tone of voice can accelerate and exacerbate the situation. I am learning to walk away. I have waaaay lowered my expectations. But we still have expectations. We still have rules.</p><p>We do not have him on any anti-depressant because they are still in the experimental stage and sorry to say, your son's experience is one big experiment (but you know that already). It's just that, as another person here noted, the drugs can cause even worse mood swings.</p><p>It's a royal pain, but you'll have to keep exploring and working with-new plans. When something works, and then doesn't work, keep doing it anyway so he can see you are consistent. Sometimes plans ebb and flow, if that makes sense, but they're still good plans.</p><p></p><p>In re: to his blowing up when you told him he was still grounded, that sounds SO familiar! My son only understands precise instructions and absolutes, i.e. "You're grounded" means right this minute. He wakes up the next day and thinks the rules no longer apply. So I have to really think hard b4 something comes out of my mouth, i.e. "You're grounded for the rest of the day. After dinner, we'll talk."</p><p>If I say more than that, it's likely to lead to the door slamming in my face or having him placing his hands over his ears. </p><p></p><p>Also, when he's overstimulated, he looks away, like our dogs do. He often runs to another room or out the door when things don't go his way. I don't worry about it any more... even when he's in his socks, because he always comes back within 10 min. </p><p></p><p></p><p>The psychiatric told me not to chase after him when he runs away... to slowly walk toward his room and say, "First person to your room gets to keep whatever they pick up..." It works every time. Yes, he will be enraged as he runs past me in the hall and shoves me, but at least it keeps him in the house!</p><p></p><p></p><p>Just some thoughts.</p><p></p><p>I don't know anything about sexual abuse. </p><p>Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 13093, member: 3419"] So sorry about your problems! I love The Explosive Child. Good ideas. My 10-yr-old son is mildly ADHD and ODD, and probably has Asperberger's. His rages perfectly fit the bell curve in one of the books I have. Turns out I was provoking him as much as he was provoking me... even my tone of voice can accelerate and exacerbate the situation. I am learning to walk away. I have waaaay lowered my expectations. But we still have expectations. We still have rules. We do not have him on any anti-depressant because they are still in the experimental stage and sorry to say, your son's experience is one big experiment (but you know that already). It's just that, as another person here noted, the drugs can cause even worse mood swings. It's a royal pain, but you'll have to keep exploring and working with-new plans. When something works, and then doesn't work, keep doing it anyway so he can see you are consistent. Sometimes plans ebb and flow, if that makes sense, but they're still good plans. In re: to his blowing up when you told him he was still grounded, that sounds SO familiar! My son only understands precise instructions and absolutes, i.e. "You're grounded" means right this minute. He wakes up the next day and thinks the rules no longer apply. So I have to really think hard b4 something comes out of my mouth, i.e. "You're grounded for the rest of the day. After dinner, we'll talk." If I say more than that, it's likely to lead to the door slamming in my face or having him placing his hands over his ears. Also, when he's overstimulated, he looks away, like our dogs do. He often runs to another room or out the door when things don't go his way. I don't worry about it any more... even when he's in his socks, because he always comes back within 10 min. The psychiatric told me not to chase after him when he runs away... to slowly walk toward his room and say, "First person to your room gets to keep whatever they pick up..." It works every time. Yes, he will be enraged as he runs past me in the hall and shoves me, but at least it keeps him in the house! Just some thoughts. I don't know anything about sexual abuse. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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