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General Parenting
Newbie with recently diagnosed teen, 8 months of hell
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 728594" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Is there anyone you trust that could handle him? I ask because I raised a very difficult son. My son basically hated me by the time he turned 14. It destroyed me in many ways because he was, and is, so loved by me. But he kept trying to murder and otherwise destroy his little sister and I could not allow that. He decided he would do anything to hurt her and destroy anything that got in his way. I was that "anything" because I was the person at home while my husband worked very long days in a city 90 minutes away. By age 14, my son was so big that I could not keep him off of his sister. I kept having to call the cops when he would rage and lose control. </p><p></p><p>I had more resources in that I felt I could call the cops, and I also had family that I could rely on. I ended up having my son go live with my parents. It wasn't my first choice, but it ended up being a very good thing for all of us. My father ended up keeping my son from hurting anyone and my mother ended up making my son see the need for the social rules that just don't make sense to my son. </p><p></p><p>Is there anyone that your son might listen to, who might be able to help with your son? Someone you could trust to help you? Sometimes it truly does take a village. </p><p></p><p>My son needed medication from the time he was a very young man. Given the psychosis, your son may need medications for quite some time. I know how hard that is. I hope, in time, that the medications help and that your son is able to work through his problems.</p><p></p><p>The other thing that came to mind as I read your post really was quite scary. I am sorry if you find it offensive. I don't mean to upset you. </p><p></p><p>How do you know what all happened to your son that caused such a change in him? You say this change happened very suddenly. Sadly, often our children are taken advantage of sexually while they are experimenting with drugs. It can cause them to change very suddenly, to act very much out of character, or to pull away from us. They can even act as though we somehow betrayed them. This last is especially likely to happen if the person who abused them is someone that we trusted and taught them to trust. It can be hard to figure out if this has happened or not, especially if drug use is also happening. Wrap that up with a culture that makes sexual abuse (especially of males) something that is NOT talked about, and you have a real problem. </p><p></p><p>I am not saying that your son was sexually abused. I am just saying that you might want to consider that it is a possibility. I don't know that he would or could be honest with you about this at this time. I do know that when things change this suddenly, this is something that parents should be suspicious of. Especially when the change is this drastic. Sadly, sexual abuse of children, even of teen children (even of male teen children) just is not uncommon. It does not mean that your son is gay, just that he is a victim. It means that someone is evil, and it means he needs help. Sadly it means that he needs to talk or reach out before he will get help, and that is just hard to do. Especially in the area of the world you seem to be in. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry to bring up a touchy subject, and I don't mean to say for sure that he was abused. Or that he wasn't. Just that it is a possibility that you should think about and consider. Again, I am sorry to have suggested it. If it did happen to him, he will need help, but I don't know what resources are available in your area of the world. I also don't know what his abusers (if they exist) might have threatened him with. All of that plays a role in what might need to happen next. </p><p></p><p>Regardless of what the cause of his problems is, to get real help for him, you might want to write a Parent Report. It is a report that is all about your son. To learn more about it, and how to write it, follow the link in my signature.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 728594, member: 1233"] Is there anyone you trust that could handle him? I ask because I raised a very difficult son. My son basically hated me by the time he turned 14. It destroyed me in many ways because he was, and is, so loved by me. But he kept trying to murder and otherwise destroy his little sister and I could not allow that. He decided he would do anything to hurt her and destroy anything that got in his way. I was that "anything" because I was the person at home while my husband worked very long days in a city 90 minutes away. By age 14, my son was so big that I could not keep him off of his sister. I kept having to call the cops when he would rage and lose control. I had more resources in that I felt I could call the cops, and I also had family that I could rely on. I ended up having my son go live with my parents. It wasn't my first choice, but it ended up being a very good thing for all of us. My father ended up keeping my son from hurting anyone and my mother ended up making my son see the need for the social rules that just don't make sense to my son. Is there anyone that your son might listen to, who might be able to help with your son? Someone you could trust to help you? Sometimes it truly does take a village. My son needed medication from the time he was a very young man. Given the psychosis, your son may need medications for quite some time. I know how hard that is. I hope, in time, that the medications help and that your son is able to work through his problems. The other thing that came to mind as I read your post really was quite scary. I am sorry if you find it offensive. I don't mean to upset you. How do you know what all happened to your son that caused such a change in him? You say this change happened very suddenly. Sadly, often our children are taken advantage of sexually while they are experimenting with drugs. It can cause them to change very suddenly, to act very much out of character, or to pull away from us. They can even act as though we somehow betrayed them. This last is especially likely to happen if the person who abused them is someone that we trusted and taught them to trust. It can be hard to figure out if this has happened or not, especially if drug use is also happening. Wrap that up with a culture that makes sexual abuse (especially of males) something that is NOT talked about, and you have a real problem. I am not saying that your son was sexually abused. I am just saying that you might want to consider that it is a possibility. I don't know that he would or could be honest with you about this at this time. I do know that when things change this suddenly, this is something that parents should be suspicious of. Especially when the change is this drastic. Sadly, sexual abuse of children, even of teen children (even of male teen children) just is not uncommon. It does not mean that your son is gay, just that he is a victim. It means that someone is evil, and it means he needs help. Sadly it means that he needs to talk or reach out before he will get help, and that is just hard to do. Especially in the area of the world you seem to be in. I am sorry to bring up a touchy subject, and I don't mean to say for sure that he was abused. Or that he wasn't. Just that it is a possibility that you should think about and consider. Again, I am sorry to have suggested it. If it did happen to him, he will need help, but I don't know what resources are available in your area of the world. I also don't know what his abusers (if they exist) might have threatened him with. All of that plays a role in what might need to happen next. Regardless of what the cause of his problems is, to get real help for him, you might want to write a Parent Report. It is a report that is all about your son. To learn more about it, and how to write it, follow the link in my signature. [/QUOTE]
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