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<blockquote data-quote="WannabeAgoodFather" data-source="post: 704677" data-attributes="member: 21165"><p>Last night when I went home, my wife was preparing dinner. Youngest went out to see the new "Star Wars" movie with his friends. As I was hanging out in the kitchen, 2nd one(Problem) just walked out of the house without saying anything. As mother started putting food on dishes, I said "One is enough, He went out". She acted like she couldn't believe it and texted him. I said "Thursday night football is on... Do you expect him to be home? I don't..."</p><p></p><p>She really started to make something different in her mind few days ago but it just isn't happening. She had 2 days in row conversation with her son, which is pointless, wasting time without any positive outcome. I am so not in it anymore because nothing nice would come out of my mouth so I would better stay away from it as far as possible. What I say doesn't matter anymore as mother will always bend the rules and her son knows it and will take a full advantage of it. I know mother's endless love, unconditional love but my wife is not doing it right. Instead she is harboring wrong behavior and takes it as her fault and believes in 'oh he will get better' dream. </p><p></p><p>Well... I grew up in an extremely wealthy family where money was never an issue. You could say I was spoiled rotten as some say I was. I was 18 when I had my fist Porsche and had different cars every Semester. I lived in a penthouse near school where all the parties were held every weekend. Yes. I was money spoiled but it doesn't mean that I was like a ill behaved uncontrollable puppy. I had my goals and rules that there was no way but to follow my parents' direction. </p><p></p><p>My apartment was like a half way house where people drop by on the way out to party and stop by on the way back to their homes. I played Div.1 sports, turned pro after graduation before heading back home to go to the Army. People that did not know me could have thought I was a major party animal with girls and drugs. We are talking about 80's. However, I stayed away from drugs (NCAA would test me anyway. Why take that stupid risk?), party hard and study hard as well. I graduated with Summa Cum Laude. When I visited home during the Summer break, I had to get down on my knees, listening to my father's preach for 2 hours after 17 hour flight...</p><p>Each time when I went back home, I had to go through this torturous thing. Blood circulation got cut off and when it was done, I could not get up where I crawled out of my father's room. I had to pay respect... No matter what time I came home the night before, I had to be at the breakfast table at 7AM showered and clean clothes on.. It is a bit too strict but I did what I had to do. I was under my parents roof and had to follow their rules.</p><p>It is called RESPECT..... In my house, there is no respect at all... my stepson is 6"4" and weighs probably 180 lbs. He looks terrible with dark circles around his eyes. I have learned that when you abuse substance, you do not eat real food. He eats cereal and junk food that I see here and there. You can't do anything about it as he is a free spirit person with no discipline. </p><p></p><p>My wife told me she put up a nice message on a post it then put on his door yesterday and it wouldn't hurt. I said it is away too late for that kind of thing as that memo would mean nothing to him. Talking phase, saying nice things are a way too over and she is doing nothing but exhausting herself. Nothing gets through the kid's head unless there is a serious impact. I also told her to remember what the therapist told us what would happen. The same exact things are happening as he predicted and she is not doing anything about it but letting it happen. I said I do not want to be a part of it as she doesn't listen to me. I got shut down after that.</p><p></p><p>Again, things go around circles and nothing gets done. When nothing is happening, you have to change how to approach things that will work. I deal with this kind of things everyday in the office. Drama after drama and I fix them everyday in the office. I come home, see the drama and no action is made makes me very angry but that angry phase also passed. I am all numb and know whatever my wife tries will not work the way she hopes. I am about to cancel his health insurance unless he moves out of the house. This will create a HUGE storm in the house but I can't support a non responsive grown up refusing to talk or take any positive action any longer. I will have to take that chance....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WannabeAgoodFather, post: 704677, member: 21165"] Last night when I went home, my wife was preparing dinner. Youngest went out to see the new "Star Wars" movie with his friends. As I was hanging out in the kitchen, 2nd one(Problem) just walked out of the house without saying anything. As mother started putting food on dishes, I said "One is enough, He went out". She acted like she couldn't believe it and texted him. I said "Thursday night football is on... Do you expect him to be home? I don't..." She really started to make something different in her mind few days ago but it just isn't happening. She had 2 days in row conversation with her son, which is pointless, wasting time without any positive outcome. I am so not in it anymore because nothing nice would come out of my mouth so I would better stay away from it as far as possible. What I say doesn't matter anymore as mother will always bend the rules and her son knows it and will take a full advantage of it. I know mother's endless love, unconditional love but my wife is not doing it right. Instead she is harboring wrong behavior and takes it as her fault and believes in 'oh he will get better' dream. Well... I grew up in an extremely wealthy family where money was never an issue. You could say I was spoiled rotten as some say I was. I was 18 when I had my fist Porsche and had different cars every Semester. I lived in a penthouse near school where all the parties were held every weekend. Yes. I was money spoiled but it doesn't mean that I was like a ill behaved uncontrollable puppy. I had my goals and rules that there was no way but to follow my parents' direction. My apartment was like a half way house where people drop by on the way out to party and stop by on the way back to their homes. I played Div.1 sports, turned pro after graduation before heading back home to go to the Army. People that did not know me could have thought I was a major party animal with girls and drugs. We are talking about 80's. However, I stayed away from drugs (NCAA would test me anyway. Why take that stupid risk?), party hard and study hard as well. I graduated with Summa Cum Laude. When I visited home during the Summer break, I had to get down on my knees, listening to my father's preach for 2 hours after 17 hour flight... Each time when I went back home, I had to go through this torturous thing. Blood circulation got cut off and when it was done, I could not get up where I crawled out of my father's room. I had to pay respect... No matter what time I came home the night before, I had to be at the breakfast table at 7AM showered and clean clothes on.. It is a bit too strict but I did what I had to do. I was under my parents roof and had to follow their rules. It is called RESPECT..... In my house, there is no respect at all... my stepson is 6"4" and weighs probably 180 lbs. He looks terrible with dark circles around his eyes. I have learned that when you abuse substance, you do not eat real food. He eats cereal and junk food that I see here and there. You can't do anything about it as he is a free spirit person with no discipline. My wife told me she put up a nice message on a post it then put on his door yesterday and it wouldn't hurt. I said it is away too late for that kind of thing as that memo would mean nothing to him. Talking phase, saying nice things are a way too over and she is doing nothing but exhausting herself. Nothing gets through the kid's head unless there is a serious impact. I also told her to remember what the therapist told us what would happen. The same exact things are happening as he predicted and she is not doing anything about it but letting it happen. I said I do not want to be a part of it as she doesn't listen to me. I got shut down after that. Again, things go around circles and nothing gets done. When nothing is happening, you have to change how to approach things that will work. I deal with this kind of things everyday in the office. Drama after drama and I fix them everyday in the office. I come home, see the drama and no action is made makes me very angry but that angry phase also passed. I am all numb and know whatever my wife tries will not work the way she hopes. I am about to cancel his health insurance unless he moves out of the house. This will create a HUGE storm in the house but I can't support a non responsive grown up refusing to talk or take any positive action any longer. I will have to take that chance.... [/QUOTE]
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