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Newly diagnosed 17 yo with ADHD ODD Possible Depression
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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 299557" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>You are definately NOT alone! As stated on the main page, this truly is a soft place to land. Glad you found us but sorry you had to.</p><p></p><p>A couple of questions first. Who diagnosed your daughter? Is she on medications? Normally, the best people to diagnosis this type of thing is a psychiatrist who specializes in children/juveniles. </p><p></p><p>One of our "staples around here, and I'm sure others will agree, is the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. A lot of us have read it and incorporate some, if not all, of the technique(s) described. </p><p></p><p>Also, you mentioned counseling and that is a great start. If he hasn't stated it already, you may want to talk to the counselor alone about your husband's view on ADHD. People have a lot of misconceptions about it anyway and if he is balking at ANY kind of "mental" diagnosis, the counselor may have some good information for him. Another thing, if you feel the counselor doesn't have the knowledge or expertise to help the situation, don't hesitate to "fire" him/her and find one that does. If that happens, try to find the next one first or make sure that your appointment isn't going to be months away. Sometimes even not quite right counseling is better than nothing. (sometimes...make sure you aren't doing more harm than good by staying if you need to.)</p><p></p><p>At your daughter's age, I hate to say, you may not have a lot of time to change things. But....because of her age, I think you can use some techniques more than others. A popular one around here especially for our older kids is "do to get". If she wants to get/keep her cell phone....she has to do something to acheive that. Chores, grades, etc. Pretty typical technique but one that is also tailored to our specific lives. Some people have made the requirement that their child not call them nasty names while others dangle incentives to get their child to practice basic hygene. </p><p></p><p>Grrrr. Another example....my difficult child just got home. We take turns doing the dishes here. I've done them the last 4 times (husband works long and weird hours) and announced that it's his turn. He refused so I told him fine...he get's nothing till they are done. If he wants to eat....he needs to do the dishes. He's 19, doesn't work and takes little to no responsibility for himself and generally pitches a fit when he's expected to pull his weight in this house. Fine. You don't want to do the dishes? You get no benefits from living in this house unless you make an effort to contribute in some way. I'm not going to deprive him of ALL food but he won't get the benefit of eating what I cook for supper. There are frozen things he can nuke as well as lunch meat. </p><p></p><p>At 17, you have options. Obviously, your daughter needs to learn to live in the real world and accept that she's not always going to get her way or have things handed to her. She may learn that while still living at home or it may take a healthy dose of reality when she moves out on her own. How long till she's 18 by the way? Another thing a lot of us do is draw up behavior contracts when our kids hit 18. If they want to continue living at home, they need to follow certain rules and/or expectations. You just have to be willing to follow through on the consequences set out because if you don't, that's that much more authority you have lost and it will be that much harder to enforce something down the road.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I'm sure more people will be along with more/better advice.</p><p></p><p>Again, welcome! You are not alone anymore!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 299557, member: 2459"] You are definately NOT alone! As stated on the main page, this truly is a soft place to land. Glad you found us but sorry you had to. A couple of questions first. Who diagnosed your daughter? Is she on medications? Normally, the best people to diagnosis this type of thing is a psychiatrist who specializes in children/juveniles. One of our "staples around here, and I'm sure others will agree, is the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. A lot of us have read it and incorporate some, if not all, of the technique(s) described. Also, you mentioned counseling and that is a great start. If he hasn't stated it already, you may want to talk to the counselor alone about your husband's view on ADHD. People have a lot of misconceptions about it anyway and if he is balking at ANY kind of "mental" diagnosis, the counselor may have some good information for him. Another thing, if you feel the counselor doesn't have the knowledge or expertise to help the situation, don't hesitate to "fire" him/her and find one that does. If that happens, try to find the next one first or make sure that your appointment isn't going to be months away. Sometimes even not quite right counseling is better than nothing. (sometimes...make sure you aren't doing more harm than good by staying if you need to.) At your daughter's age, I hate to say, you may not have a lot of time to change things. But....because of her age, I think you can use some techniques more than others. A popular one around here especially for our older kids is "do to get". If she wants to get/keep her cell phone....she has to do something to acheive that. Chores, grades, etc. Pretty typical technique but one that is also tailored to our specific lives. Some people have made the requirement that their child not call them nasty names while others dangle incentives to get their child to practice basic hygene. Grrrr. Another example....my difficult child just got home. We take turns doing the dishes here. I've done them the last 4 times (husband works long and weird hours) and announced that it's his turn. He refused so I told him fine...he get's nothing till they are done. If he wants to eat....he needs to do the dishes. He's 19, doesn't work and takes little to no responsibility for himself and generally pitches a fit when he's expected to pull his weight in this house. Fine. You don't want to do the dishes? You get no benefits from living in this house unless you make an effort to contribute in some way. I'm not going to deprive him of ALL food but he won't get the benefit of eating what I cook for supper. There are frozen things he can nuke as well as lunch meat. At 17, you have options. Obviously, your daughter needs to learn to live in the real world and accept that she's not always going to get her way or have things handed to her. She may learn that while still living at home or it may take a healthy dose of reality when she moves out on her own. How long till she's 18 by the way? Another thing a lot of us do is draw up behavior contracts when our kids hit 18. If they want to continue living at home, they need to follow certain rules and/or expectations. You just have to be willing to follow through on the consequences set out because if you don't, that's that much more authority you have lost and it will be that much harder to enforce something down the road. Anyway, I'm sure more people will be along with more/better advice. Again, welcome! You are not alone anymore!! [/QUOTE]
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