Hi Kalahou, It is hard having a kid in jail (no matter how old they are). I think you are right not to bail him out.... It is time for him to face up to the consequences of his behavior and jail is certainly a consequence. And he will have. A place to sleep and food to eat.
I don't think there are any right or wrong answers of what you should or shouldn't do. So listen to your heart and follow what is right for you.
I do think if he wants a visit it is worth visiting him if you are up to it. When my son was in jail we did visit (lucky the jail was close by us). He was a lot younger than your son (19 and then 22). The visits were hard on me and I am not sure they were helpful in and of themselves.... But I felt it sent a message that we loved him and were there for him. At one point I thought to myself the only thing keeping him from becoming a hardened criminal is the love of his mother!!! I have no idea how he sees it though.
So as leafy says take your time and think about what feels right to you.
