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No clue how to save my adult son
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<blockquote data-quote="Brknheart" data-source="post: 736796" data-attributes="member: 23249"><p>Thank you all for your responses. I know you are right about letting him go until he can make the right decisions to change his life. I'm not sure he is capable of making good decisions. He can be very manipulative to get his way and I have to try really hard not to give in. It infuriates my husband that he does that to me. He has seen how we live and how happy and stable our environment is so maybe one day he will decide that he wants that for himself. I said a lot of harsh things to him before he left yesterday and I have terrible guilt. I did call him and apologize for some of the things I said, but I told him he would have to get help before he could ever come back to live with us. That was really hard for me. I know how important it is to take care of myself and my other son. Our lives have really revolved around him and his troubles for so long it seemed normal to me. It's strange sometimes I feel like I have these premonitions that something isn't quite right and sure enough he was arrested or he would show up drunk at my door starving because he hasn't eaten all day and his dad kicked him out. He has totaled two vehicles in the last four years because he was drunk and then finally a dui. I live in a small town and I know what people think about my son. I am always defending him saying he isn't a criminal or a bad person, but it's just a matter of time before something happens that causes him to go to prison. I know I can't sit and think about that but it keeps me up at night. I feel guilty for being happy when I know that he is in pain. Being a mother is the hardest thing I have ever done and probably the hardest thing I will ever do because I will be a mother until I die. I can't imagine a life without worry and fear of getting that phone call that he is dead or caused someone else to get hurt. I have seen a therapist once, but I think I will try to find a local support group. I need a hug from someone who understands me and my pain. I have read a lot of posts here and I am amazed at what some of you have had to go through. My heart goes out to you. I should have found this place sooner!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Brknheart, post: 736796, member: 23249"] Thank you all for your responses. I know you are right about letting him go until he can make the right decisions to change his life. I'm not sure he is capable of making good decisions. He can be very manipulative to get his way and I have to try really hard not to give in. It infuriates my husband that he does that to me. He has seen how we live and how happy and stable our environment is so maybe one day he will decide that he wants that for himself. I said a lot of harsh things to him before he left yesterday and I have terrible guilt. I did call him and apologize for some of the things I said, but I told him he would have to get help before he could ever come back to live with us. That was really hard for me. I know how important it is to take care of myself and my other son. Our lives have really revolved around him and his troubles for so long it seemed normal to me. It's strange sometimes I feel like I have these premonitions that something isn't quite right and sure enough he was arrested or he would show up drunk at my door starving because he hasn't eaten all day and his dad kicked him out. He has totaled two vehicles in the last four years because he was drunk and then finally a dui. I live in a small town and I know what people think about my son. I am always defending him saying he isn't a criminal or a bad person, but it's just a matter of time before something happens that causes him to go to prison. I know I can't sit and think about that but it keeps me up at night. I feel guilty for being happy when I know that he is in pain. Being a mother is the hardest thing I have ever done and probably the hardest thing I will ever do because I will be a mother until I die. I can't imagine a life without worry and fear of getting that phone call that he is dead or caused someone else to get hurt. I have seen a therapist once, but I think I will try to find a local support group. I need a hug from someone who understands me and my pain. I have read a lot of posts here and I am amazed at what some of you have had to go through. My heart goes out to you. I should have found this place sooner!! [/QUOTE]
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