Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
No clue how to save my adult son
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 737039" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Been there, done that, have the T-shirt. We have all said things that we later regret. We are human. Let go of the guilt as it serves no good purpose. </p><p></p><p></p><p>What people think about your son is what they will think about your son. Nothing you can say or do will change that. Defending him to others only confirms to them that there is an issue.</p><p>I have found it best to not discuss my son with anyone unless I know that I can really trust the person. When people ask me about my son I say "He's living life on his terms" I don't offer details and I never defend him.</p><p>If people keep pushing I tell them I don't care to discuss it. Usually when people push it's because they have heard some "rumor" and they are just being nosy. </p><p></p><p></p><p>You have no reason to feel guilty for being happy. Your life matters too and you should live it to the fullest.</p><p>There is a term we use here, the FOG which stands for Fear, Obligation, Guilt.</p><p>I believe you are in the process of coming out of the FOG. We live in the FOG for so long it becomes our "normal". It takes time to progress past it but it can be done, I'm living proof as are many others here. </p><p></p><p></p><p>My son has lived a homeless wandering life for a long time. I would get calls from him telling me he was going to starve to death or freeze to death. I would direct him to get to a shelter. I spent many, many sleepless nights worrying and wondering and all that did was make me lose sleep. I had to address my fears head on! My worst fear was that an officer would show up at my door telling me my son was dead. Once I accepted that, I mean really accepted that could happen I was able to move on. I had to come to the realization that there was nothing I could do to save my son. I wasted too much time playing out different scenarios in my mind of how bad things could go for my son. Bottom line, they all could happen but again, my worrying and wondering serves no good purpose and only wastes my precious energy.</p><p>One thing that really helped me was to grieve the loss of my son. Of course he's still very much alive but I grieved for the sweet little boy he once was. I grieved for the hopes and dreams I had for him.</p><p></p><p>I will always love my son but he's a 36 year old man. He will live his life the way he wants regardless of how I feel. He is free to live his life just as I'm free to live my life.</p><p></p><p>It's okay for you to be happy. Not only is it okay, it's a healthy thing to do.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 737039, member: 18516"] Been there, done that, have the T-shirt. We have all said things that we later regret. We are human. Let go of the guilt as it serves no good purpose. What people think about your son is what they will think about your son. Nothing you can say or do will change that. Defending him to others only confirms to them that there is an issue. I have found it best to not discuss my son with anyone unless I know that I can really trust the person. When people ask me about my son I say "He's living life on his terms" I don't offer details and I never defend him. If people keep pushing I tell them I don't care to discuss it. Usually when people push it's because they have heard some "rumor" and they are just being nosy. You have no reason to feel guilty for being happy. Your life matters too and you should live it to the fullest. There is a term we use here, the FOG which stands for Fear, Obligation, Guilt. I believe you are in the process of coming out of the FOG. We live in the FOG for so long it becomes our "normal". It takes time to progress past it but it can be done, I'm living proof as are many others here. My son has lived a homeless wandering life for a long time. I would get calls from him telling me he was going to starve to death or freeze to death. I would direct him to get to a shelter. I spent many, many sleepless nights worrying and wondering and all that did was make me lose sleep. I had to address my fears head on! My worst fear was that an officer would show up at my door telling me my son was dead. Once I accepted that, I mean really accepted that could happen I was able to move on. I had to come to the realization that there was nothing I could do to save my son. I wasted too much time playing out different scenarios in my mind of how bad things could go for my son. Bottom line, they all could happen but again, my worrying and wondering serves no good purpose and only wastes my precious energy. One thing that really helped me was to grieve the loss of my son. Of course he's still very much alive but I grieved for the sweet little boy he once was. I grieved for the hopes and dreams I had for him. I will always love my son but he's a 36 year old man. He will live his life the way he wants regardless of how I feel. He is free to live his life just as I'm free to live my life. It's okay for you to be happy. Not only is it okay, it's a healthy thing to do. ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
No clue how to save my adult son
Top