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Substance Abuse
No contact with my son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 746375" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>There is no right answer but there are only a few options you have wirh common reasons attached to them. I will tey to spell them out the best I know how. None of us has a right to judge your decision. You came here for help.</p><p></p><p>Here are choices and my thoughts on each one. Ser if anything resonates. Or not.</p><p></p><p>1. Dont go. This would be if you want change more than you want to sooth your hurting Mother heart. It is a very brave decision Not all can do this</p><p></p><p> You hope that time alone iin jail will hopefully make him scared of keeping up the lifestyle and aware that there are serious consequences to illegal behavior.</p><p></p><p>Or you want him off the streets, away from drugs, with a chance for him to detox and maybe start thinking straight. He is relatively safe, more so than when on the streets. You know if you see him he will cry and tell tou he has seen the light or else berate you for not getting him out and you know you could give in. And you dont want to do it again. You feel it is best if he stays.</p><p></p><p>Option 2</p><p></p><p>You can go because YOU need to go, for yourself. You matter. Although you have been there before, your heart cant stand this and you are getting sick and cant function. You are willing to accept that he wont change and just need to feel at peace. And there is no written guarantee that jail will change him. Or maybe you feel strong and think you may be able to resist his pleas this time but even if you cant, you need to go. For yourself. Because YOU cant take it. And you count here.</p><p></p><p>As a compromise you can talk to him on the phone and see how it goes and how strong or wesk or good or bad you feel. Test things out.</p><p></p><p>When we give in, we do it for us. There is nothing wrong with doing things for us.</p><p></p><p>When we dont</p><p>give in we are not doing so to punish them but to hopefully help them. This is fine. We are not bad parents by making grown adults have to decide what they want to do with their lives. It is never up to us.</p><p></p><p>You dont need to decide anything today. Sit with it. Think about it. Talk with a therapist or a spouse or a religious figure or a beloved friend. Then do something nice for yourself. Wait. Slow and steady.</p><p></p><p> We make our best decisions, our most mindful decisions, when the brain is calm. If your son calls, you need not answer so that you can keep a clear head. There is no urgency. Today he is off the streets, away from his crowd, has a meal and is warm. He can think without drugs muddling his brain. There is no urgency for him either.</p><p></p><p>Again none of us are here to judge any decision you make. We care about you and want the very best for you and your son.</p><p></p><p>Make some hot chocolate and watch the sun rise. Check in with us later and feel no shame no matter what your thoughts are or what you have done.</p><p></p><p>Be well first.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 746375, member: 1550"] There is no right answer but there are only a few options you have wirh common reasons attached to them. I will tey to spell them out the best I know how. None of us has a right to judge your decision. You came here for help. Here are choices and my thoughts on each one. Ser if anything resonates. Or not. 1. Dont go. This would be if you want change more than you want to sooth your hurting Mother heart. It is a very brave decision Not all can do this You hope that time alone iin jail will hopefully make him scared of keeping up the lifestyle and aware that there are serious consequences to illegal behavior. Or you want him off the streets, away from drugs, with a chance for him to detox and maybe start thinking straight. He is relatively safe, more so than when on the streets. You know if you see him he will cry and tell tou he has seen the light or else berate you for not getting him out and you know you could give in. And you dont want to do it again. You feel it is best if he stays. Option 2 You can go because YOU need to go, for yourself. You matter. Although you have been there before, your heart cant stand this and you are getting sick and cant function. You are willing to accept that he wont change and just need to feel at peace. And there is no written guarantee that jail will change him. Or maybe you feel strong and think you may be able to resist his pleas this time but even if you cant, you need to go. For yourself. Because YOU cant take it. And you count here. As a compromise you can talk to him on the phone and see how it goes and how strong or wesk or good or bad you feel. Test things out. When we give in, we do it for us. There is nothing wrong with doing things for us. When we dont give in we are not doing so to punish them but to hopefully help them. This is fine. We are not bad parents by making grown adults have to decide what they want to do with their lives. It is never up to us. You dont need to decide anything today. Sit with it. Think about it. Talk with a therapist or a spouse or a religious figure or a beloved friend. Then do something nice for yourself. Wait. Slow and steady. We make our best decisions, our most mindful decisions, when the brain is calm. If your son calls, you need not answer so that you can keep a clear head. There is no urgency. Today he is off the streets, away from his crowd, has a meal and is warm. He can think without drugs muddling his brain. There is no urgency for him either. Again none of us are here to judge any decision you make. We care about you and want the very best for you and your son. Make some hot chocolate and watch the sun rise. Check in with us later and feel no shame no matter what your thoughts are or what you have done. Be well first. [/QUOTE]
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